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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
My wife went to a class reunion. The 40th reunion. She is a natural beauty queen, even at 58 years old she looks like 35 and a perfect body. I am doctor and I have to work so I did not go with. She comes home and tells me she met her old friend (Gary), they never dated but she remember having feelings for him. So the reunion went well and then they started drinking. She needed a ride home. Gary ends up giving her ride home. They held hands and she kissed him on the cheek. So that is what she told me. So my radar goes up and I am usually not the jealous type, but I knew something was up. How much really happened? Is she honest or minimizing the truth? So I am good at computers, and she is not. I was able to get into her face book. She has been face booking him privately and made up a story, that she was available so she could hook up with him is what It looked like. She told him her marriage was bad for the last 10 years and we were just roommates. She told him we were legally separated. Later she told him she was considering selling her part of my practice for 1.5 million and moving. Later she told him she was going to be in Baltimore (where he lives) on a sunday afternoon. She was going there for my daughter's friends wedding. So now I start really monitoring her compeer. Turns out Gary declined and did not meet with her and told her he was in a committed relationship and was confused. During this time she was discussing her relationship with Gary with another old classmate by the name of Roger. She gave him the same history regarding our marriage as with Gary. Roger seemed to be giving her advice, but I think my wife wanted to get information from Roger regarding Gary’s feelings for her. This all went on from October through November, but nothing since. So looked like everything was quiet then one day my wife says look our old neighbor Karl was arrested for DUI. So I told her he was divorced form Debbie, and she did not know that. Next couple days she is searching him on Face book, and makes contact. They go back and forth, and once again she tells him how bad her marriage has been and we are just room mates. She tells him that she is going to move out, and wants to by a house in his neighborhood and needs his advice on property. So they make a lunch date on March 4th at Montagues at 1 pm. At 12 noon I call her on her cell phone and she does not answer. I called 3 times and texted 3 times. So called the house and she answered the phone said she was in the bathroom and did not hear the phone. At 1:32 March 4th there is face book message to Karl asking him if he is still in town, told him she was at the dentist and got out later then planned. He neve answered her and no face book contact since that time.
 

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Sorry that you are here.

If your wife hasn't cheated yet, it sure looks like she is trying to.

With what you know now....what do you want to do?

You have enough information (did you save a copy of the FB messages) to shut it all down now and find out what can be done to save the marriage if that is what you want.

It may be wise to see a lawyer and look at protecting yourself, just in case.

Good luck.
 

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Since Karl is not replying to her, I don't think they cheated. She is being very forward and it seems with guys are not taking her up on her attempts to get involved with them.

You need to confront her let her know what you know. Make a plan, don't just go off the handle.

What is your marriage like? Do the two of you do things together? Do you fight a lot? Or are you two just sort of living like roommates for a while now?

How are you getting into her FB account? Did she give you the password? Or are you monitoring her computer use?

Have you checked the cell phone bills to see if she is calling and/or texting someone a lot?

Even though I don't think she has had an affair, I think she is looking for something. She is not happy in the marriage. My suggestion is that you get the book "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Harley. It's a quick read. Once you read it you will know what to do.

What do you want to do? Do you want to save your marriage? or do you want a divorce? Or do you know?
 

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Doesn't matter if she did or didn't, she is sure trying to cheat.

And she has emotionally.

So save your evidence. Be sure and expose her actions.

Send the information to the families where she kissed the guy(at least).

When you have saved your information at your office, when are you going to confront her?

Have you thought about a PI? And ask her if the marriage is so bad, why didn't she tell you? Do you want to stay and keep on eye on her at all times?

Why does she not respect you? I would think that was her last reunion.

Sorry for your troubles, but if you want, will she go to marriage counseling, if you want to fix this?

You may think she is pretty outside, but she is ugly inside.

Kick her off her high horse, and see your attorney so you can protect yourself.

Ask her to get tested for stds.

Start the 180 and do some things for yourself.
 

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Why have you not confronted her about any of these conversations?

If she is painting her M in this light to these men, but acting like she is happy in the M to you, she is definitely shopping for attention and a possible A even if she has not had one yet.

IF you have managed to catch all of her communications, it sounds as if you may have caught her before she has actually had a PA....though you cannot be sure it did not happen at the reunion or whether she eventually met your POS ex-neighbor.

But it also sounds as if the only reason you are not facing an active PA is because of Gary....NOT your WW.

Why are you sitting by watching it happen?

Confront her and tell her either to come completely clean on what has actually been going on and end these interactions with these guys completely.....or to leave and prepare to be divorced ASAP.

Confront and put a stop to this crap...one way or the other.
 

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You should talk to a lawyer to see about protecting your assets.
:iagree: And you should do this before you confront her. You have read what her plans are. They might be just hot air. But the plans might not be hot air.
 

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Who cares if she physically cheated? She is a pathetic loser for posting what she already has. You cool with it or does another man have to out his Oscar in your wife to piss you off enough to do something?
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Just because they stopped exchanging facebook messages doesn't mean they stopped communicating. Check her phone bills. Check apps on the phone. Email.

Frankly, whether she cheated or not, intent was there. Utter disrespect she showed you and your marriage.

Not that it's an excuse, is there any truth to what she is saying in regards to your marriage?
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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Thanks for your answer tonight. I have had this rolling around in my head. She tells me she loves me. But I know the passion is not in the kiss. This what I wanted to know; should I confront her and stop her or get legal advice? I have decided to get legal advice, and proceed with divorce. I have never cheated on her. I love my life, my family my career and thought all was perfect. I am a professional and knew what this meant. I guess I could save my marriage, but I have to many assets to lose, so I need to cover my assets first. As far as love goes here how I feel, I want someone to want me as much as I want them. Yes I have copies of everything on her facebook. I have her car bugged, so I know everywhere she goes. I have her i phone in I cloud and have find my iphone hooked up so I know everywhere she is. So she is not doing anything. but the realty is she quit and stayed.
She told me woman dont leave until they have some place to go, looks she is looking for someplace to go. You know older men want younger woman, so at 58 the picking are better for me than her. I am still good looking and I dont need to hang onto this disrespecting peice of ****. I will put her in her place, but will it come to her such as such big surprise. I am going to let my attorney do the entire thing. He is good friend of mine. We exchange favors.
 

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Thanks for your answer tonight. I have had this rolling around in my head. She tells me she loves me. But I know the passion is not in the kiss. This what I wanted to know; should I confront her and stop her or get legal advice? I have decided to get legal advice, and proceed with divorce. I have never cheated on her. I love my life, my family my career and thought all was perfect. I am a professional and knew what this meant. I guess I could save my marriage, but I have to many assets to lose, so I need to cover my assets first. As far as love goes here how I feel, I want someone to want me as much as I want them. Yes I have copies of everything on her facebook. I have her car bugged, so I know everywhere she goes. I have her i phone in I cloud and have find my iphone hooked up so I know everywhere she is. So she is not doing anything. but the realty is she quit and stayed.
She told me woman dont leave until they have some place to go, looks she is looking for someplace to go. You know older men want younger woman, so at 58 the picking are better for me than her. I am still good looking and I dont need to hang onto this disrespecting peice of ****. I will put her in her place, but will it come to her such as such big surprise. I am going to let my attorney do the entire thing. He is good friend of mine. We exchange favors.
You knew what she was doing months ago. Why didn't you confront her then?

There is a very good chance that you could fix your marriage if you want to. Do you want to?

Or do you just want a divorce? This is what it sounds like.
 

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Have you read Married Man Sex Life Primer? I suggest you read it before you do ANYTHING. What you're missing is being the alpha man who makes her wet her pants. That's what she's searching for.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 · (Edited)
You knew what she was doing months ago. Why didn't you confront her then?

There is a very good chance that you could fix your marriage if you want to. Do you want to?

Or do you just want a divorce? This is what it sounds like.
Why have not done anything, I did not find the face book until March. I didn't know face book was so easy to get into. I am very busy and I really don't have time for this crap in my life. Also if you know me I am very confident in myself. I have always felt that if she does want me then fine leave get the **** out. I do not need anybody. I am fine alone. Good bad or indifferent I have always had girls hanging all over me. So maybe its my fault for taking her for granted. We have been married 28 years. At my age I have learned the first instinct to run and scream bloody murder is the wrong thing to do. So I want to think this through. Mostly, what do I want? I don't know what I want.
So I will take my time, but I know how I am I will likely just divorce her because I know she does not love me. The interesting thing is how jealous she is when other woman talk to me. I think she is depressed, and weak minded with very low self esteem. I will read the Married Man Sex Life Primer.
 
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