Well, it has been a long time since I was on here and my life has been complete chaos.
I was dating a man. 11 years younger than me, highly educated, extremely intelligent, fun to be with and an amazing lover. I was totally in love with him. Our relationship was really up and down though. I thought he was undiagnosed bipolar (which I now know is true).
We moved in together eventually, and the first 10 days (yes days) were amazing. Day 11 came. We went to the beach and did a bit of drinking. When we got home, I decided to go visit my kids for a bit and my ex followed me back to make sure I got home safely.
As soon as I got into our apartment he snapped. He had been drinking while I was gone and was mad that I was at my old house with my ex and my kids.
Needless to say, he attacked me and beat me, choking me to within seconds of me passing out. When he wasn’t choking me, I managed to scream for help. When he stopped, he tried to make a run for it, but the police were already there and waiting for him and he was arrested.
I moved out the next day back into my home with my ex and my children. Over the following 2 months he repeatedly broke his bail conditions by contacting me despite a restraining order and stalking me. I was a mess.
Eventually he plead guilty to all of his charges (12 in total) and made a deal and received a jail sentence.
For 2 years after his release there was a restraining order. I sold my house and moved to a different part of town and my love life was relatively peaceful.
So, let’s fast forward to the present.
I have been having difficulties with my teenage son and am completely stressed out.
I think about my ex regularly, and I have no ill will towards him, I am still deeply in love with this man despite what he did. I went to counselling and I forgave him for what he did, not for him, but myself.
Last weekend I had some massive issues with my son, and I needed to have some fun before I totally lost my mind from the stress, so I was stupid and I reached out to my ex on Facebook. Big mistake. We started talking, and despite everything (criminal record, family not talking to him, damaging his career and owing the government money) he too has really strong feelings for me and told me that he is still madly in love with me, 3 years after everything went insane.
He wanted to meet up with me and I agreed.
I met him in a location near my new home for safety reasons and we ended up going for a drive and talking for hours. Discussing things that happened during the chaos and how life has been ever since for both of us. We had an amazing time together. It was just like the good old days and like we had never been apart. We ended up making love, which was mind blowing like it use to be and then then he brought me close to home. I still have trust issues so he only knows the general area where I live, but does not know my actual address.
We kissed and hugged goodbye and he left. I was literally on cloud 9 for days after. I felt so good.
So, we have been in daily contact with each other since then. I have been hiding that from my friends and family. They completely hate him and if they knew that we had met up and been together, they would go insane on me.
I know that seeing him again was wrong and unsafe for me, however we both still deeply love each other and seem to have this indestructible bond.
Has anyone else ever gone through something like this? I know that I need to move on, and I have tried very hard over the past 3 years, but I am stuck. He is stuck.
He is managing the medical condition that probably had a lot to do with how our relationship was and how it ended, which is good because I tried to get him help when we were together but was not successful.
I am fearful to give him another chance. I know how everyone will react and it will not be good, but this bond between us is so strong that I am having a hard time fighting it and I just wish certain things never happened, but they did.
I am so torn.
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