I think that's a great idea. To go back for the kids but know that the love can be found and worked on wholeheartedly! The whole family is important to me and all children! I feel as long as there is not abuse then couples should try their absolute hardest, even if at first only for the kids! Are you the one considering? Posted via Mobile Device
I can't help you with this but I can say that I completely understand where you're coming from. I have the kids but sometimes seeing the pain they are going through makes me so sad that I almost wonder if I should just let him come back for them. Totally understand your question. Posted via Mobile Device
Yes, I miss my kids so much. He had a 3 year affair, and then was quite abusive verbally, which seems better since he got off the heavy sedatives he was on.
I moved out 5 months ago, we share 50/50 with our 13 year old daughter.
He has a lot of issues,no physical abuse. Being alone half the time, and not being with my kids full time is slowly driving me down. I keep losing weight and can't sleep or eat.
Indiecat, is there ANY chance of his taking responsibility for his issues? Definitely, drugs (or medications that are "legit", even) can cause behavior changes. Did he take responsibility in getting off the sedatives?
I went back and was QUITE clear and upfront with my ex that it was for the sake of our children (plus Court was costing way too much). Unfortunately, I went back in too much of a "one down" position and yet, if it was the same situation (legally and otherwise) I would have gone back, as there were few other "good" legal options. I would have just handled and planned for future a lot differently. And who knows? That might have made differences (positive) in him, over time. Or at least I wouldn't have set up for getting burned again.
I think there were some genuine feelings rekindled in my ex, for a time. But he is easily influenced by others and "image" rather than slow and steady progress. When we were spending time as a couple and family, things were very good. It was when his relatives and all kinds of outside factors got overly involved again, that things fell apart. I think another good reason for knowing in advance where his head is in terms of taking responsibility and working on/remaining aware of his issues. If he's not, it'll be harder to impossible, just depending on those issues.
But yes, you CAN fall in love again with the same person. So if the indicators for success are there, and especially the commitment by both, it's actually possible to get through to the other side and have a stronger, healthier and more satisfying marriage than before. The work to get there and rebuild trust, etc can be really hard, but in general, second marriages are likelier than first ones to fail. Why? Because people go into them without having identified and worked on their own issues, including their concept of marriage.
I've read that even one person can make big impact (over time) on an unhappy marriage. I'm not sure on that one, but wouldn't discount it. Just think it would take lots of strength and determination.