If you guys feel like reading. I could really use the help. I tried leaving, I tried to file, I tried ....
I'm 36 and been married for 6 years, together for 11. My wife was just 17 when we met. I know. I know. I thought she was much older, by the time we had gotten to know each other, I had fallen in love with her. She was dating my old friend from my street racing days. He was a huge cheater. She calls me up one night bawling. I helped her out and told her the truth. "Yes, he's cheating on you, I seen it with my own eyes. He's a wh.re"
2 months later, they broke up. another month goes by we started dating. We sat at walmart and talked for 2 hours. We started dating and it went awesome. We were so happy. A few months later I moved into her house with her dad. He was old. she lost her mother at age 5.
Later, she felt trapped and didn't get to have "the life" of a younger single girl. She ran out on me. So then it hurt. Then I turned angry. I became my father. Talked to her hatefully and it stayed. years later she tried to leave. I begged her not to and tried to change but I COULD NOT LET it go about what she did.
Fast forward to today. We have a 3 yr old daughter. After this problem started, She still looks me in the eyes and says "I love you, I will ALWAYS love you, but I don't think I want this anymore"
We sold our property, 2 hot rods and took savings to start a business. A haunted house. Things were going great, we were spontaneously having sex in graveyards etc...
Then the teenagers showed up. I was being a professional and staying focused on the haunt while the teens were showing her affection.
She went and partied with them. Went to just get them pot because her brother sells.She's never done anything with it. Now she was stuck at the house. BTW she left our daughter alone in the bed. She ended up having sex with the 19 yr old. It was a party, she wasn't getting attn. I know. Being an asshat and all that, being rude to her at times at family gatherings etc... I pushed her here.
NO, there's no justification in cheating. She's really not a terrible person... Ii promise you guys. Sure, I think she may have a BPD but she's a loving person. She's sweet. She's not the devil.
And I can't stop loving her. So here we are, NOW, years later I'm able to have gotten over her past. It doesn't bother me. BTW, 2 months ago, when just before this started witht he volunteers etc.... I had been noticing I looked at her in a new light. I didn't knwo what was going on. Then I realized. SHE was all I ever needed and I didn't treat her like that. I REALIZED how I was being towards her on my own... BEFORE the blow up.
BTW (i'm sorry I suck at telling stories when I'm upset) when the volunteers came up. Along with 2 teen boys, was a young lady who was very pretty. My wife liked her, she said "I could date her if I was gay" and laughed. We had joked like this before. THEN 3somes came up. So we talked, ... none of us proceeded. It was only about my wife, scarlett and me. (scarlett's the girl)
After a week or so of this, I realized what was going on. So I stopped. I stopped flirting, I stopped talking to the girl so much and stayed away from her. I told my wife how I didn't like all the flirting and talking and hugging that was going on and how we were married and she agreed.
Anyways, back to now. The boy no longer works at the haunt and when they show up because of a friend that's here, she stays completely away from him, and him to her. They don't communicate at all really now.
So, last week. She broke and told me everything. How she slept with him and cried and apologized and said she doesn't know why the he11 I'm still with her. Apologized for being a horrible person. She cried on my shoulder, told me she wanted me to love her and she wanted ME!
During the week, sex was non existant. She helped me take care of myself but one or two times she felt distant. I thought normal because of the situation. Then Sunday night, she and scarlett goes to walmart by themselves. She ran into that guy that grabbed her ass (she knew him) She said she "thought about it" then felt guilty. Ever since, I'd been sleeping in the theater again. Now she says she doesn't want this. even says "I don't want this right now" She doesn't want therapy / MC.
When I left her work (took her and jojo to work / daycare) I asked her (like a dumbass) "Can I win you back? What's the deal?" She said something like "Why don't you try?"
I should leave. I know guys, I'm so fked up right now, pardon my language but let me say this... I'm not scared to love her anymore. I KNOW what I want and I know how I want to treat her now. I'm not the same. I normally woulda punched the walls, drove my car in a ditch or something.... I'm a better man out of all of this, but what do I do? I truly, really and truly love her and my daughter and do NOT want to Divorce. I tried.
So what now? Sorry so long but now hopefully this will get a better picture.
Thanks for reading. I need help.
Dewayne
