I definitely lashed out several times and a lot more comes out than actually intended, and the vitriol too. But then the guilt comes afterward and that confuses me, because the anger is righteous and in reaction to what was done to my family and kids and my marriage... I mean the words pale in comparison to what caused them. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that all the emotions happen, including guilt and continued caring about the cheater. Just saying I can relate to everything you’ve stated.Hi All,
Well it's done. We are legally separated. We both signed off on it last week. Her sister came with her. When we got outside she broke down, Apologising over and over. I don't know why but I felt sorry for her. I went over and hugged her her. I just said I needed to do this. I may be able to forgive in time but I will NEVER forget.
Again I stated we need to be the best parents we can be for our kids. She kept saying sorry, She knows she Fd up.
I let her go, told her to go with her sister and take some time to reflect and I would be over to pick the kids up Sunday.
I got to my car and everything came rushing at once, Her cheating, the break up of my family my kids lives changed forever, and I just ugly cried for what felt like hours. I booked a hotel room, bought a large bottle of Jameson and proceeded to get wasted. She was texting and calling,I just turned my phone off and wallowed and cried some more.
Woke up the next day feeling like **** but better emotionally. Still hurting but dealing with it as best I could. (IC appointment later today should be fun!!!) Turned on my phone to a ton of messages. I deleted them all without reading.(Thankful I turned my phone off, Im sure I would have told her to come over in my drunken state)
These thoughts were getting to me and I could feel my anger rising and didn't want to go down that path. So just went about the rest of my week and wknd trying to keep myself busy. I picked the kids up Sunday with my dad and we were going to go out to our local park and get something to eat later, She started asking me why I had my phone off and that she was worried, and still cared.
Im not proud of it but I lost it. I asked my dad to load the kids into the car and just let it all out. I tore her to shreds (not raising my voice, didn't want the kids to hear) but I had a lot of venom in my tone and words. Why would I be ok with the breakup of my family, Her tearing my heart to shreds and stomping all over it. Destroying me. Did she care when she was f*****g those other 2 people in our home??? you get the idea. I went on for about 10 mins, until my dad called me. I think he knew I had to get it off my chest. She was again in tears and apologising for everything. I got myself composed told her I had to go. My dad went up to her hugged her and said something and came back to the car.
I rang her sister and told her what happened and she should call her. Spent the rest of the day with the kids and my dad. He just asked if I was ok, I said no but I would be. I didn't ask what he had said to her, I didn't really care. He loved her like a daughter and she will always be his grandkids mother so he will always be talking to her. I'm ok with that. He knows I had to do what I did and agrees what she did was the worst kind of wrong, but still cares for her.
I did end up texting apologising for the way I let loose with my outburst but that it needed to be said. She just said she understood and it was ok.
So that's where I am for now.
3 years and counting....................
You actually sound very strong and I respect that you can still have compassion and maturity while doing the right thing for yourself and your kids.