I’ve had the same thoughts about Christmas and holidays.Hi All,
Separation is going as well. We should be legally separated before Christmas. We have been put into another full-scale lockdown due to Covid until early December so this has slowed things down, but everything has been agreed and house sold. All assets split also so basically just need to get papers signed and made official. Once that is done, I just have another 3 years to go before divorce!!!
Not so soon to be ex-wife (NSSTBX) was still trying to talk about getting back together, I shut her down every time. I have told her she needs to stop for the sake of the kids and being good co parents and if she kept pushing, I would go NC except for issues regards our kids. She has stopped but I will not hold my breath just yet. (although something has come up, see further below)
She has been going to IC since dday and has asked me to join her in one of her sessions as the therapist would like to meet me. I have declined so far as I do not see what good will come of it.
Kids are doing great and have settled in quite quickly to their new homes/routines/school. Have new friends too which I am really happy about. We have agreed on 50/50 custody with 1st choice for taking kids if the other parent needs to be away for work etc. She has been asking about Christmas arrangements, I was offering some options, but she wants to this Christmas together as a family, I am hesitant to say the least. I have told her I am a little uncomfortable with this and do not want the kids (and her) getting the wrong idea. She said she understood but asked me to think about it. On 1 hand I don’t want to, we are not a family anymore she saw to that. On the other hand, these are my children and the thoughts of our 1st Christmas not together is really killing me, so I am unsure what to do. If I do agree I would make sure we are not alone, My Dad will most definitely be there and I may get her sisters family up. (Her sister has been been very vocal about siding with me on this but they are sisters and are still very close) and our kids love each other so that is a possibility.
To be honest I will have my NSSTBX in my life forever with our kids, but I want to make the next 3 years as easy on me as possible. So far she has agreed to everything in regards to the separation and except for the “I want us to stay together” and “I will always love you” remarks which bother and like I said shut down just as fast. We have been friendly towards each other. 3 years is a long time and I guess I am just waiting for the day she turns nasty, but again I have seen no hints of this.
Early in our relationship, with a few drinks on us the topic of past relationships came up. I had been with a few women, nothing too crazy. She had a few relationships also but admitted to having threesomes in college a few times. I asked then was she bisexual, she said no, just enjoyed the sex and it was fun etc.. She asked would I ever be interested. I was honest and said I was a red blooded male of course the idea of being with 2 women was a huge turn on, but also said I could not do a threesome with her and another man (hypocritical I know) and I would never expect or ask for one with another woman. She said she felt the same, The idea of me with another woman made her jealous. So that was that. Never came up again and didn’t give it much thought.
After DDay I brought up this conversation up, and in-between bursts of anger and crying asked had she been with her female AP while in college, she admitted to this and said the threesomes were with her too. I said too!!!???? So you were just with her alone too? She knew she slipped up and admitted to sleeping with he AP in college on and off for a few years, usually when intoxicated, but still would not say she was bisexual when I confronted her on it, however after a few IC sessions she has agreed with the therapist and told me she may have some bisexual tendencies, but would never want a relationship with a woman!! No idea what that means to be honest. Happy to be married to me and cheat on me with a woman?? Never mind the male AP!!! Maybe that’s why she wants me to go to see her therapist, to get this out there?
That’s it for now, I think. Still on the very long road to divorce. A long way to go. I know I don’t post much, But I do appreciate all of your feedback and have read everything.
I will keep you updated as soon as anything important comes up and will try to answer any questions.
Not so Broken 😊
This is my thinking also. This will most likely be our last Christmas together as a family unit,but I really do not want to be alone with her. She has stopped asking about reconciliation and the I love yous, sorrys, etc. But who knows how long that will last. This is why I. Thinking of inviting her sisters family. My dad would also be there.I’ve had the same thoughts about Christmas and holidays.
I just don’t want to make my kids choose, feel forced into or feel like they are missing a parent for the holidays. My comfort is not even a question in comparison to theirs so I’ll do whatever I have to. But who knows what the future will bring. Obviously many many things could change for next year and beyond.
Definitely do what makes things more comfortable for you, I think filling your house with family is a great idea. It’s really sad I just want the holidays over with. It’s usually my favorite time of year.This is my thinking also. This will most likely be our last Christmas together as a family unit,but I really do not want to be alone with her. She has stopped asking about reconciliation and the I love yous, sorrys, etc. But who knows how long that will last. This is why I. Thinking of inviting her sisters family. My dad would also be there.
Kids would get a great Christmas and I would have the safety of other people around. I still have not agreed to it but may go with this option or a no deal.
It will take take years to even look at recovering ...if Ever...I could not live with my WWs betrayal ....Hi all, Been lurking here a while trying to find the courage to write this.
Not sure where to start but here goes.
Me BH 41, WW 37, 2 Kids 8 and 6. DDay Jan 2020. Together 14 years married 10
Had been suspicious of my wife’s behavior for a few months, Tried the usual stuff checking phone and emails. Nothing. Got cameras set up in our home. Caught all the sordid details on camera. Threesome with OM AND OW!!!! Both work colleagues of hers. I’m destroyed. Never in my worst nightmares did I see this coming. Confronted her with the video. Got the usual BS. Didn’t want this loves only me. Wants to prove she is trustworthy!!!! What can she do to prove herself to me.
I’m numb, Broken. Only thing keeping me going are my children. They don’t know what’s going on. And I am trying my hardest to keep it that way but I am struggling with my wife’s betrayal and getting sick of playing happy family with her around the kids and with this lock down I am a complete mess. I have had to cut my hours so added stress. Can’t sleep. I close my eyes and just see the video in my mind. How could she do this!!!!!
We are still living together but I have moved to the spare room.
Part of me still wants reconciliation but it’s a small part. I have done and said some cruel things to hurt her even though I feel guilty immediately.
I know I still love my wife but don’t know if I will ever get over this. I wake up at night sweating; I cry a lot, and it’s horrible. I feel like a fool and worthless, and when I turn to her all she can say is she broke me and doesn’t know how fix me and is so so sorry but will do whatever it takes. I don’t want anyone else and want to forgive her, but I don’t know how. This situation is horrific. My perspective of my family has changed; my views of her have changed; what do I do?
Am I the fool for even thinking of Reconciliation??
There is so much more to say but I don’t know how. Even writing this I can feel the rage build inside me. I hate what she has done to me and our family. I have no idea what is going to happen
I am utterly lost… ☹
Hi Kamstel,Just checking in on you. How are you doing?
no to the above. it withholds the reason why they are separatedSounds like you are doing a great job with everything that she has done.
As to what call her, how about STBX?(soon to be ex). Yes, I know it is 3 years, but it is better than WW