Hi, I am new to this forum. I have stumbled on here before just to read threads. My wife and I have been married for a little over 3 years, no kids, and dated only 6 months.
After finally reaching what seems to be the beginning of the end of my marriage, I need some advice. I really don't know what to do. My Wife said she wants to separate...
Since April, we have been arguing on and off, and always over very stupid things that are not important. Most of our arguments do occur when she is under the influence. Most recently it feels that she has no patience for me and is always annoyed at me. The detail of the fight which caused my wife to say she wants to separate all started because I said "How are you feeling?", a response was given in a annoyed/angry tone of voice saying she was fine. I asked again in a different method which caused her to snap saying that I am getting angry now. Immediately, it turned into attack mode from both of us. (granted, I am sure she had a hangover from the night before and I had lack of sleep due to the fact that she came home and woke me up (2 hrs of sleep). Couldn't go back to sleep afterwards). She eventually asked me a question during our bickering session "do you get upset when I go out with my friends?" and I responded "no, I was upset that I was sleeping and you woke me up by turning on all the lights in the room and making loud noises." This all lead to an unfortunate moment where she said "she will leave" and I said "get out and also give me all the credit cards (belong to me)". I also texted her mother which I did in an angry moment. As soon as I walked outside the house, her best friend was walking towards the house asking what happened. I found that strange that she already knew something was wrong. Then her friend started to point fingers at me like she has a part in our marriage. I do realize my mistakes and I did apologize within the hour. Already stricken with lack of sleep, the entire night I stayed awake trying to figure out what caused this fight. A lot of our fights do begin as such, with a snap of a finger.
In the morning, my wife told me that she wants to separate and does not feel safe around me. I found that very strange, especially that I have never laid a hand on my wife and she knows my feelings about that. She left with her best friend, and now is refusing to talk to me without her friend being involved.
Slight text messages back and forth and once a day comes back home to pick up more of her things (with her best friend ofcourse).
Granted, we have been arguing a lot for the past 6 months, but always manage to reconcile our differences. Things started changing though, we stopped having sex (last time was 3 and a half months ago) and recently in the past month, she also stopped changing in front of me where it felt like she didnt want me to see her naked. Also, for a while, we would not communicate, talk, or even see each other, because she would go to her best friend's place everyday. When I would try to have a calm discussion and let her know how I am feeling about these changes, her response would always be, "Stop starting an argument".
I should also mention this because through the past few days my mind keeps getting stuck at one area. In the past, 2010/2011, my wife (under the influence and several different occasions) has said to me" that the only reason she got married was due to her immigrant status." My wife has also made other comments where the end message stated that she doesn't want to be married. In a siber state of mind, she would always tell me she loves me very much and she was just drunk. My wife got her green card thru me and recently we just filed for her to gain her US Citizenship. Now, she wants to separate. I hope my mind is wrong in this case, because if my wife is really capable of this type of thing, then I never really knew her at all.
Or that she is just fed up, stressed out, and just needs some alone time? I don't know. She has moved in with her best friend for now but is looking for own place. When we talked, I said, I do not support this separation so will not financially support you. She has already taken half of the savings account.
I love my wife very much and always have supported her. I have always apologized when I shouldn't have, just because I know that is what will make things better. I don't know what is so different this time. It's funny, just 9 days ago, my wife had told me that throughout all the arguments, she loved me very much and will fight very hard for our marriage. Any advice....