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Discussion Starter #1
Help. My husband is a narcissist and I'm not saying that because I find him selfish. I mean he has actually been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder like four times by four different mental health professionals. Each time it's been brought up, he fires the professional and gets a new one. That being said, I need some kind of emotional support and don't even know where to begin on the state of my life. I am lost and more and more feel that there is no way out of this alive. I have no friends, no family, no anyone for a thousand miles. I remember being happy and secure once, but I don't know exactly where or when it all left, but now I'm an emotional puppet to a man that is either ignoring me, lying, yelling, name calling, judging, insulting, taunting or using me for sex whether I want it or not... Or he is the exact opposite and the greatest husband ever, but it never lasts and the fire/ice routine takes a little more out of me every day. Leaving is not an option for several reasons and I don't know what to do.
I am sorry for rambling on and bouncing around. There is so much chaos in my head and I don't know what to do with it. So thank you for reading. Any supportive words would be really appreciated.
 

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Do you work? Do you have children? Is there any way you cam get into individual counseling?

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I do not work. My daughter is an adult and moved away. It's just him and me here. I was in individual counseling and it helped, but every time I'd get a glimmer of hope there, it would get crushed and I'd lose all faith in myself to be strong and secure enough to find a way to save myself.
 

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Continue with your IC and see if your counselor can refer your H to some kind of support group either through their profession or through church related channels!

And if he refuses to participate, then you have no other alternative other than to look after your very own well-being!

You will remain in my prayers!
 

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Thank you. And of course he will refuse to participate. In what I've learned is pretty common for those with NPD, he denies that there's a problem at all. He only goes because he wants to shut me up and stress how crazy I must be.
 

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There is no cure for NPD. They refuse to admit anything is wrong with them.

Get counseling for yourself. You're probably codependent like I am and a little guidance never hurts.
 

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Somewhere on this nightmare of an emotional roller coaster, I absolutely became codependent. The counseling only helps while I'm there. I can't seem to make it more than 10 minutes out of her office before any hope or skills fall to the wayside. How can anyone survive as a possession?
 

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So why don't you leave and go live with your daughter?

Leaving is ALWAYS an option.
 
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Sadly, when she is a member of his cult she really does not feel she has the option to leave.

Please remember I am exceedingly egocentric, and my wife is completely dependent on me. I think I have a window into the mind of the person in the slave position.

Of course, I might be wrong. Perhaps she does not feel that her husband is her Master, who she must obey. Who, through some twist of fate has control over her soul with his very thoughts.

Do you feel that way sometimes?
 

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I wouldn't say that I feel he is my master that I need to obey. It's not about him at all. It's about me. I don't know if The person I have become can survive in the world without him. Besides, my daughter lives in the dorms. They don't let broken moms take over. :)
 

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I wouldn't say that I feel he is my master that I need to obey. It's not about him at all. It's about me. I don't know if The person I have become can survive in the world without him. Besides, my daughter lives in the dorms. They don't let broken moms take over. :)


But why do you feel you can't survive in the world without him?

You can. That's a certainty. So why do you feel compelled to stay? Where are you staying? Next to him. If he moved to another city, you would move, not stay.

It's hard to face.

My wife was broken before I met her. She managed to escape because I am stronger than the religion that had her. I think of it as a cult. I've done a lot of reading on how cult leaders control people.

It seems to me that's what your husband is doing to you.

That's why you feel like you can't make it on your own. It's hard to fight.

My wife was so broken she has no hope. She just throws herself on my mercy and hopes I will take care of her. Sometimes when I think about it I cry as I hold her. She just smiles and holds me tighter.

You need to get away.
 

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Wait until her Dorm period is over. Her Dormant period.

You want to make sure she graduates before you pull the plug on The Lug. The three legged lug who stands in his own light.
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What are your assets, liquid, cash, bonds, savings?

Are you employable? If not, this you must do immediately.

If things go really bad, go to a women's shelter. If you are in the middle of nowhere you need to get somewhere where you can maneuver.

Get enough money together to buy a bus ticket to a warm city and enough for food and water for a month.
 

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I wouldn't say that I feel he is my master that I need to obey. It's not about him at all. It's about me. I don't know if The person I have become can survive in the world without him. Besides, my daughter lives in the dorms. They don't let broken moms take over. :)
Here's what you do. Stay in IC. Find a good lawyer, interview a few, pick the bulldog guy you can't stand. Have him prepare you for divorce. He will GET you all the money you need from your soon-to-be ex-husband. Inform your daughter that you're going to be moving to her city and renting a home; ask her if she wants to live there next year. If she does, great. If she doesn't, that's fine too - you need to start learning to be alone and to be OK alone. It will be good for you. Once you move there, pick an organization to volunteer at - people, animals, gardening, food pantry, whatever. Just start volunteering. And making friends.

You can do this.
 

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Focus on yourself 100% right now. You can get out of this mess. You can go on and live a happy fulfilling life. You need to get a job asap. Any job will do. Join a church.
The problem is, you completely isolated yourself and now you have nothing and no one and that's not a good place to be in. You need to get yourself out of this hole. You can do it! Take small steps everyday.
 
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