Delayed response or acknowlegement

waiwera said:

Not always... my h will do it over everyday stuff... "do you want a chicken or beef burger?"

And he thinks...and thinks... rubs his chin a bit!

Click to expand...

Sounds to me like he is being a smart a$$.

I was taught to say back, in my own words, what was said to me by my spouse, so that she understood that I got what she was trying to tell me. If she didn't think I got it, then she had the opportunity to explain further. It was a way to reduce the amount of misunderstandings and possible ensuing arguments.

Then, I gave my response to the question. Many times this worked for me. It also gave me a chance to think about an appropriate response instead of a reaction.

Today, I have found that has changed. Folks have decided that is an insulting way of speaking when in a close personal relationship that is very important.

I think it is just a lack of patience and willingness to accept the person for who they are. I'm not sure. I am still trying to figure this out.


Edit: This was supposed to be used when in an important discussion which could have negative consequences on my marriage or relationship. I did not use it at other times, unless I feel threatened about something really important to me.

Obviously not every time and not for every question, but I've realized that I tend to do this when -

1) I'm already having two things on my mind and my husband asks me something else altogether. That would require me to put a stop to my earlier thought processes and concentrate on the third one aka my husband's query... it does happen within a matter of 20 seconds but I realize that sometimes that could be too long for the person waiting...for e.g. when I'm half way through an email and simultaneously trying to jot down the grocery list for an online order as I recollect items, he'll ask me what movie he'd like to book for the next day.
2) When I'm not sure what answer to give him i.e. a difficult question that I know would bring forth a 'delicate' answer...then it'd take me a few seconds to think of an answer to make sure I'm going to word it right...
3) When he's asked me the same question many times in the past and 'knows' the answer but still asks me once again just to hear it... The answer to this will generally be a big sigh followed by 'Yes dear...I think we've made the right decision'
4) When I'm too much into something like laughing my head off at some scenes on TV, I'd need a few seconds to come back into the normal conversation zone to be able to answer him sensibly...

However, in none of those occasions am I wanting to come across as disrespectful. It might seem slightly dismissive through my words above, but its just involuntary...never gets my husband irked or anything as he knows I'm not doing it on purpose! I'm guessing that people who multi-task could be doing this a lot more... (I could blame my delayed responses to multi-tasking and by multi-tasking I don't only mean physical work, but mental exercises too i.e. constantly running through the day's/week's/month's activities/workload/plans too!)

But hey, what do you know - many around me do the same too - they all take their own time to answer (occasionally) - my husband when he's really into his stuff (e.g. office work, watching sports etc), my mother when she's into her stuff (TV shows, browsing etc) and my son when he's into his stuff (Cartoons) ... and I'm not even going to get started on my father here!

So I'm guessing its quite common!