Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 19 of 19 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
452 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Anyone remember the old SNL "deep thoughts by Jack Handy"???? Those were funny!!!

Anyway, was working for my dad yesterday (I work on the farm every other saturday when I don't have my kiddo to make some extra money) and he needed me to paint the inside of one of his houses. Guess there is a renter coming in and my dad just picked up this little two BR home on one of the farms he bought.

As I was painting a the guy that was going to rent came to the door to talk to my dad. Make a long story short his wife left him and she took the kids and he cannot afford the home on one salary and paying child support so he's in foreclosure.

I overheard my dad talking to him and they laid out the rent payments. He set him up so that the first few months the rent was a bit less with some stipulations that he fix a few things in the home.

Talked to my dad afterwards and he said he has no problem helping people out if they want to work to get out. I thought about this a LOT while inhaling paint fumes the rest of the day and I remember this is what he has done with me, too. He helped me but if I wasn't showing that I was willing to do the hard work and help myself I know he would have stopped helping. I mean, I am and have been working my a$$ off to get out of this debt, to better myself emotionally, and to hopefully live a debt free life here in a couple of years (the way I was before I met my ex). It's freakin hard! I can see why many can't do it and go off the deep end because you have to be able to look at yourself in the mirror every day and every night and ask yourself how committed you are to making your life better in the future, no matter how sucky it might be today.

Fact is though, we are all here because at one point in time our lives got turned upside down. I know mine did. And it was up to me all along to do the dirty work to find a new direction and a new place. Too many people I believe just want handouts and want someone else to just "fix it" for them. While that may work temporarily in the long run that is going to do nothing as most people will just slide back into old habits.

There's my deep thoughts for the day. Oh, and I don't know how people paint for a living. I slept like crap last night and I still feel like crap this morning.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
107 Posts
Hey Paradise,

Great story there!! I was rasied on a farm myself and my family is the same way! I am back living with my family in my hometown after what my Ex did to me. They knew how hard I worked at my job, on the house, on our finances and our marriage. They also knew how she did nothing and just drained everything. I am still paying half of the house payment, it is for sale and I have all the debt, cuz we had to put in my name, vcuz her credit was horrible. So I currently cant save any money, but I am not out anymore due to their help. They know I wouldnt be in this if it wasnt for her.

I to would help someone who got into a situation like this and are willing to do what it takes to pick themselves back up. Its moving very slowly for me, but I know has to be light at the end of the tunnel...

Thanks for the thoughts!!
 
  • Like
Reactions: Shooboomafoo

·
Registered
Joined
·
452 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Yep, I was there on the house for an entire year after the divorce. Matter of fact, at the end of this month it has officially been a year since my house sold. I wracked up so much debt in the year after the divorce since I was paying rent, half a home payment (and a home I could hardly afford anyway, and paying daycare). it was very hard and I was within a month or two of being completely bankrupt and having no line of credit left. Scary times. Now, at least I'm able to pay my bills. Still not much left over each month do do anything with but that is starting to become less and less of a problem. I figure it will still take me two to three years to get out of all of this debt. Sucks because before we got married I had over 20K in the bank.

My ex? Well, apparently she's doing just great financially. I have a feeling there were some finances that I didn't know about in the end because her and new hubby are living the good life. I try not to think about it but that is really hard to do as everyone on here knows. When I'm counting pennies every month and happy as can be that I lowered my debt by a few hundred bucks and they are spending money like crazy. But, my budget says I only have that much to spend and I'm sticking to it. I actually ended 2012 with money in the bank for the first time in years and I refuse to go back the other way.

Even after almost two years it is hard not to compare my life now with what the ex has. New house, new vehicles, new clothes, etc. I haven't bought one item of clothing for myself in almost a year and that was a new pair of jeans and some shoes. I mean, I don't mind living frugal but it's hard because my kid doesn't understand why we cannot do really fun stuff all the time. No way I can compete with that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,165 Posts
Money used to trickle through my ex husband's hands like water. I probably could have paid off the mortgage by now if I hadn't been with him but there's no point in dwelling.

The fact is that even on one salary rather than two I have money left over at the end of the month - not masses, but it's a small satisfaction that I can manage it when I haven't got someone spending it like Zsa Zsa Gabor. He got handed the equivalent of my take-home pay for two years and spent it within a year...I used to get annoyed that he was always on holiday or buying expensive toys for his new flat but I remind myself that he's got no access to any additional money other than what he earns and he's going to get shock pretty soon. I was always there to bail him out

You have control over yourself and that's all you can do - you don't really know the detail of their finances. I know plenty of people with nice houses and cars who are one accident or bad payday away from losing everything. That debt will keep decreasing and there will come a point when it's gone completely - you'll have the satisfaction of knowing that you did that by yourself :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
16 Posts
Hey Paradise,

I don't post often, similar story as you and many others here. Wife left me for a friend 11 mths ago, we have 2 young children, never saw any of it coming etc etc. We didn't have the arguments or anything particularly negative really, well off financially especially for our age (33me 27her), stay at home mum but she got bored I guess and wanted more excitement in her life.

11 months since d day and ILYBNILWY. I am now divorced and financially settled but very emotionally bruised, they have the family life with my kids have already bought a house together etc. I find having the kids tough as have a 4yo daughter and 7yo boy and on my own its hard work.

Scared i will never find anyone new, get the family life back I had, which I loved, blah blah blah

Anyway I read this quote and loved it :

"look at yourself in the mirror every day and every night and ask yourself how committed you are to making your life better in the future"

Ive had moments over the last 11 months where I was adamant I was over it all and then come the triggers and I hit new lows. Just last week I hit another, alcohol or the day after is terrible for me, when we 1st broke up I went off the rails drinking 5-6 (heavy) times a week, then just at weekends, then one night a weekend, then every other week but now I shall leave it be as invariably at work on the Monday I feel despair at what Ive lost (or what I think I lost).

I shall use this quote the next time I feel low,

Thanks Paradise and Good Luck
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,185 Posts
it was the first time I was able to take advantage of the homestead exemption on my house, a foreclosure that I bought that ended up being cheaper in pymt than an apartment around here.. With the income tax return, and lo and behold an "escrow surplus" check coming in the mail, I thrust a 1500.00 spear into the chest of one of my worst long term burdens of credit cards, that has a 26.99% Apr. horrible to have these.
I still have half a years salary in debt left as well to pay off, but you are right, getting that nose above water and finally, a bit of room to breathe!!! I finally got internet service after a year and a half of not having it. I still use rabbit ear t.v., dont have cable...
I drive a 166K mile vehicle that my dad helped me pay for repairs on, and some of which Ive kept up on my own..

Thats a goal anyways. Its far from the excitement and glamour of a new lucrative career that I love and cant wait to get out of bed in the morning for.. but its something to work towards.
Found I enjoyed investing and being debt free will certainly allow room to pursue more of that, since the job I have is a median salary job.

I really appreciated your post this morning Paradise. Similar stories for sure, you know my ex is living it up, new cars, new flooring, OM living there for free with 5 bags of beer cans piled up in the back of his truck.

I dont know what happened to my life, I could find milestones to qualify my sense of moving on, but I dont like looking. Ive been racking my brain trying to figure out something that I would enjoy doing, as Ive done this for twenty years and it hasnt been as progressive as I had understood it to be at other companies.

I still shift into negative mode, when I see the ex and the OM coming out of the marital home as I drop the kiddo off.. Working on trying to get whatever that is, out of me.
I have my weeks where I spend a few too many days with a cheap box of Franzia. Luckily, I lean more towards a celebratory mood than a down and lost one these days, even when its just myself and my two cats. Gd damned cats..lol
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,975 Posts
I have been through (or am going through) a lot of the same things mentioned here. Some years ago a friend recommended Eckhart Tolle's book The Power Of Now. I found a lot of it intuitive but still eye opening to have it laid out in a book. The concepts have been a great help in managing the pain and taking control of my life. Chin up.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
452 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
it was the first time I was able to take advantage of the homestead exemption on my house, a foreclosure that I bought that ended up being cheaper in pymt than an apartment around here..
I'm just now starting to look for a house because what I pay for rent is ridiculous. I'm looking for foreclosures or short sales if I can swing the down payment. Hate renting. And my truck has 200,000 miles on it. I want a new one so bad but reality says that it is going to be another year or two before I can make that happen.

Shoo, why are you paying such a high interest on the CC? Mine started at 23% but now I have it at 14%. I call every other month to have them lower it. Sometimes I get a full 1%, others I get 0.5% but it has added up over time. Seriously, hassle them like crazy!!! If the first person I talk to doesn't help me then I call again and again. They'll get tired of you after a while and give in. I did the same with my student loans. I was starting my doctorate when the divorce hit so I withdrew but apparently I still owed money. By the time I figured it out I was 6 months late on my payments. That showed up on my credit report so I hassled the company my loan was through until they dropped it. Took me 3 months and about 20 e-mails, letters and phone calls but it got done.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,185 Posts
Well, the cards initially were low APRs. But when GEMoney took over servicing so many companies, they raised the interest rates across the board. One went from 11.99 to 23.99 in one month. No late pays, good standing payer...
I tried calling once, and was told "Sorry we dont have any promotional rates at this time"...
So got what I expected.
I havent continued to call though.. back then there were two incomes to work with..
But,, thats good advice, I need to start hounding them again...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
452 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Shoo, I'm kind of a pain in the butt on things like this. If I run into resistance then I find out who the person's boss is and then I bother them with e-mails and letters. The student loan issue was that way. I got ignored and rejected probably 10 times before I eventually sent letters and e-mails to the CEO's of the corporation. It was dealt with pretty quick after that. They don't want people bothering them and they knew I wasn't going to go away.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
452 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Holy cow!!! Can anything else go wrong right now? Geez! At least I'm still in somewhat good spirits but man, I could use some favor here. Truck broke down while I had my kiddo today. I live in a new area and I really don't know anyone. I ended up walking with her. Seems like all of my stuff is just getting too worn out. Been knocking the debt out and now I'm worried I'm going to find myself right back in the hole again. I REALLY need my vehicle to make it another year or so.

Plus, my job stress just increased by about 200%. I teach and I got my schedule the other day. Went from 2 preps to 4 since our district has to cut a bunch of teachers. On top of that, one of the preps is a college course so I need 18 graduate hours and guess who gets to pay for that? That's right! ME!!! They managed to inform me of this AFTER they gave me the new prep.

I know I should be thankful I have a job and all but it seems like every time I start to turn the corner and begin getting out of this hole something else pops up and says " sorry, sucka!!! You are going to live like this FOREVER!!!!" Almost like I'm going to be stuck living in this crappy little apartment for the rest of my life!!!

Yes, that's a bit dramatic and I know this is just one of those stretches and to be honest I am handling it with a great deal of calm in comparison to where I would have been a year ago but come on now. Isn't this supposed to be "my time?" I just want to have it easy for a while.

Just a little favor. Not too much to ask, right?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
624 Posts
Anyone remember the old SNL "deep thoughts by Jack Handy"???? Those were funny!!!

Anyway, was working for my dad yesterday (I work on the farm every other saturday when I don't have my kiddo to make some extra money) and he needed me to paint the inside of one of his houses. Guess there is a renter coming in and my dad just picked up this little two BR home on one of the farms he bought.

As I was painting a the guy that was going to rent came to the door to talk to my dad. Make a long story short his wife left him and she took the kids and he cannot afford the home on one salary and paying child support so he's in foreclosure.

I overheard my dad talking to him and they laid out the rent payments. He set him up so that the first few months the rent was a bit less with some stipulations that he fix a few things in the home.

Talked to my dad afterwards and he said he has no problem helping people out if they want to work to get out. I thought about this a LOT while inhaling paint fumes the rest of the day and I remember this is what he has done with me, too. He helped me but if I wasn't showing that I was willing to do the hard work and help myself I know he would have stopped helping. I mean, I am and have been working my a$$ off to get out of this debt, to better myself emotionally, and to hopefully live a debt free life here in a couple of years (the way I was before I met my ex). It's freakin hard! I can see why many can't do it and go off the deep end because you have to be able to look at yourself in the mirror every day and every night and ask yourself how committed you are to making your life better in the future, no matter how sucky it might be today.

Fact is though, we are all here because at one point in time our lives got turned upside down. I know mine did. And it was up to me all along to do the dirty work to find a new direction and a new place. Too many people I believe just want handouts and want someone else to just "fix it" for them. While that may work temporarily in the long run that is going to do nothing as most people will just slide back into old habits.

There's my deep thoughts for the day. Oh, and I don't know how people paint for a living. I slept like crap last night and I still feel like crap this morning.
This sounds exactly like my parents. They will help us if we are willing to work and put in the time to get out of the trouble we are in. It's a good lesson to learn.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
624 Posts
Holy cow!!! Can anything else go wrong right now? Geez! At least I'm still in somewhat good spirits but man, I could use some favor here. Truck broke down while I had my kiddo today. I live in a new area and I really don't know anyone. I ended up walking with her. Seems like all of my stuff is just getting too worn out. Been knocking the debt out and now I'm worried I'm going to find myself right back in the hole again. I REALLY need my vehicle to make it another year or so.

Plus, my job stress just increased by about 200%. I teach and I got my schedule the other day. Went from 2 preps to 4 since our district has to cut a bunch of teachers. On top of that, one of the preps is a college course so I need 18 graduate hours and guess who gets to pay for that? That's right! ME!!! They managed to inform me of this AFTER they gave me the new prep.

I know I should be thankful I have a job and all but it seems like every time I start to turn the corner and begin getting out of this hole something else pops up and says " sorry, sucka!!! You are going to live like this FOREVER!!!!" Almost like I'm going to be stuck living in this crappy little apartment for the rest of my life!!!

Yes, that's a bit dramatic and I know this is just one of those stretches and to be honest I am handling it with a great deal of calm in comparison to where I would have been a year ago but come on now. Isn't this supposed to be "my time?" I just want to have it easy for a while.

Just a little favor. Not too much to ask, right?
I'm a former teacher.....I definitely hear ya. And, I am also feeling like things have been a little crazy lately....like nothing can go right. That's why I just posted a new thread about it! :p
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
452 Posts
Discussion Starter · #15 ·
I'm a former teacher.....I definitely hear ya. And, I am also feeling like things have been a little crazy lately....like nothing can go right. That's why I just posted a new thread about it! :p
I know these things go in cycles and they always will I suppose. Last year and the year before I was just WAY too sensitive about every little thing that went wrong probably because my self-esteem was so low. Almost as if "well, I'm worthless because X,Y, and Z just happened to me....Woe is me!" Yep, pretty pathetic when I look back on it.

Now, I get this feeling of panic coming on but I'm able to relax a little and just wait it out. I think my brain was trained to respond to everything as if it were a crisis. I don't even remember necessarily what I was like as I was going through the divorce but I recognize the feelings. I've said this before but I have a hard time remembering much of that time. I really believe that my brain has blocked most of it out because it was by far the most painful experience of my life thus far.

But, I am better now, even though I get what ChickenhawkRose is saying in her post because I feel alone at times. Like this afternoon when I had to make a decision on how to get my kid home after my car died. Even though I should be glad it happened when it did and I wasn't stuck on an interstate somewhere I still sat there and thought "I really have no one to call to help me out."

Fact is we are social creatures and we need each other. Maybe this is a wake-up call that I need to start letting others back into my life. I'll admit, I am alone but it is due to my own choices now. I started my new life and chose to do it all alone and the fact is I'm still scared to death to let others in. My kid means the world to me but we need more in our lives than just our kids.

Guess the deep thoughts just keep on coming.

KU, what did you teach?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
452 Posts
Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Hey now....be nice..... :p



I taught middle school language arts.
Middle School? Raging hormones!!! Kids are like alien creatures at that age!!!

Well, it appears my gas tank may have been sabotaged based on the initial findings from the guy looking at my vehicle. This could get interesting. I must have a secret admirer somewhere.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,401 Posts
Hey Paradise....Sorry about your car troubles. Gas tank sabotage??? :confused:..That is puzzling. ...and troubling. :(

I feel your pain about that school stuff. My district is making the teachers teach one more class next school year and extending our school day. They giving us a 0.34% raise to compensate.... :rolleyes:that equates to $7 a pay period for me.

We haven't had a raise in 5 years, and due to the rising health insurance premiums and changes to how our retirement is funded, I am now making less than I was 5 years ago. :( It is demoralizing, for sure.

That is awful that your district will not pay for part of your tuition for those college classes. But, if you manage to get 18 graduate credit, perhaps you can look into teaching adjunct at a local community college in the evenings?....or perhaps teaching an online class? :scratchhead:....in the long run, it could open more doors for you. ...but, I know it is stressful right now.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
452 Posts
Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Hey Paradise....Sorry about your car troubles. Gas tank sabotage??? :confused:..That is puzzling. ...and troubling. :(

I feel your pain about that school stuff. My district is making the teachers teach one more class next school year and extending our school day. They giving us a 0.34% raise to compensate.... :rolleyes:that equates to $7 a pay period for me.

We haven't had a raise in 5 years, and due to the rising health insurance premiums and changes to how our retirement is funded, I am now making less than I was 5 years ago. :( It is demoralizing, for sure.

That is awful that your district will not pay for part of your tuition for those college classes. But, if you manage to get 18 graduate credit, perhaps you can look into teaching adjunct at a local community college in the evenings?....or perhaps teaching an online class? :scratchhead:....in the long run, it could open more doors for you. ...but, I know it is stressful right now.
Well, no definitely on the reason for the car trouble but it is running and it cost me 800. Ticks me off because I'm working my rear off to make extra money to pay down debt but it is what it is. This time last year I would have been completely devastated.

JPR, I'm right there with ya. We have frozen as well on pay increases and teachers are super stressed. I am half way to 30 next year so I know it will go fast but I really am going to be glad when it's over.

I have thought about the college classes and online classes. I will have those 18 hours done by next fall so I'll start getting my resume together very soon.

I feel like all I do is WORK and take care my kid. That's it. I'm beginning to get burned out a bit I think.
 
1 - 19 of 19 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top