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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Must admit I find it really tough and I don't think I'm taking the right approach.

At the moment, shes either sleeping or in a mood. Its like a black cloud following around the house.
Some of the stuff she comes up with - I just think "eh have you gone insane?"

She'll lose her temper at nothing. At random it seems. She seems to actually get a kick out of criticising me sometimes I'm sure.

She'll do or say things to me that, if I've said in the past, would cause holy hell. But she justifies it with "well you shouldn't have...." Eh?

Today she asked me something, I was in the middle of sorting the TV Sat box I said "one sec". So she repeated, I saig again calmly "yeh just one sec".
Shes off raising her voice "YOU NEED TO CHILL OUT AND CALM DOWN". "CALM DOWN, CALM DOWN, CALM DOWM".

Like WTF! Shes knows this winds me up so was just trying to get a rise out of me. Why I don't know? She can be a massive bully sometimes.....

I try to let a lot of stuff go, or at least, not let it escalate but I'm not the best. It just annoys me so much that shes constantly like this and causing an argument over nothing.... Yeh I know don't take it personally but sometimes.....

So any advice?
 

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Must admit I find it really tough and I don't think I'm taking the right approach.

At the moment, shes either sleeping or in a mood. Its like a black cloud following around the house.
Some of the stuff she comes up with - I just think "eh have you gone insane?"

She'll lose her temper at nothing. At random it seems. She seems to actually get a kick out of criticising me sometimes I'm sure.

She'll do or say things to me that, if I've said in the past, would cause holy hell. But she justifies it with "well you shouldn't have...." Eh?

Today she asked me something, I was in the middle of sorting the TV Sat box I said "one sec". So she repeated, I saig again calmly "yeh just one sec".
Shes off raising her voice "YOU NEED TO CHILL OUT AND CALM DOWN". "CALM DOWN, CALM DOWN, CALM DOWM".

Like WTF! Shes knows this winds me up so was just trying to get a rise out of me. Why I don't know? She can be a massive bully sometimes.....

I try to let a lot of stuff go, or at least, not let it escalate but I'm not the best. It just annoys me so much that shes constantly like this and causing an argument over nothing.... Yeh I know don't take it personally but sometimes.....

So any advice?
The time to talk to her about it is only when you're both calm. Tell her she needs to try to keep herself from yelling and ask what she'd prefer you to do when she is emotional.
 
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Must admit I find it really tough and I don't think I'm taking the right approach.

At the moment, shes either sleeping or in a mood. Its like a black cloud following around the house.
Some of the stuff she comes up with - I just think "eh have you gone insane?"

She'll lose her temper at nothing. At random it seems. She seems to actually get a kick out of criticising me sometimes I'm sure.

She'll do or say things to me that, if I've said in the past, would cause holy hell. But she justifies it with "well you shouldn't have...." Eh?

Today she asked me something, I was in the middle of sorting the TV Sat box I said "one sec". So she repeated, I saig again calmly "yeh just one sec".
Shes off raising her voice "YOU NEED TO CHILL OUT AND CALM DOWN". "CALM DOWN, CALM DOWN, CALM DOWM".

Like WTF! Shes knows this winds me up so was just trying to get a rise out of me. Why I don't know? She can be a massive bully sometimes.....

I try to let a lot of stuff go, or at least, not let it escalate but I'm not the best. It just annoys me so much that shes constantly like this and causing an argument over nothing.... Yeh I know don't take it personally but sometimes.....

So any advice?
Sorry you and your wife are going through this. I don't know at what stage of the menopause your wife is, but I can share my own experience. I am 51 and earlier this year I started to have hot flashes and although I am usually calm and easy going, I became moody and started to act in a dramatic way that is so unlike me. After any dramatic scene I would feel very bad, and it was making my life miserable. I still have a VERY regular period. I consulted with an obs/gyn, who ordered a blood test to see my hormone levels. Everything is within the norm still, but because I am experiencing very annoying symptoms he prescribed for me estrogen patches. These patches release a very low dose of estrogen around the clock, so there are no highs and downs, and I change them every week. They're invisible as well. All the symptoms I was experiencing are now gone. I went back to normal life.

Your wife needs to consult with a doctor and ask for a low dosage treatment. They prescribe them to women with no history of breast/ovary cancer. Good luck!
 

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PMS and Menopause are no excuse to be a *****. In the moment, yes, sometimes we really can't help it and we just snap (I'm starting menopause now, I get it). That doesn't mean we don't owe an apology later. We are still responsible for our conduct.

I'm having "mini" hot flashes. Mainly late evening, all of a sudden I become incredibly hot from the inside out. No sweats yet but it's only a matter of time, lol. I've said to my husband, that when things ramp up and we're in the thick of it, that while I ask that he shows me some grace, that in the moment I really can't help it, that he also holds me to account and expects an apology when I've calmed down.

We both think that I'll become teary and emotional rather than a *****, but just in case, I wanted to make sure he gets it and holds me responsible 😂
 

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If your wife is talking to you like you're a POS letting it go is not an option. You don't have to lose your cool but at very least a forceful "don't talk to me like that" is in order.

She'll probably start to feel a lot better if you don't let her get away with that. It's unnerving for some women if they have a guy they can push around.
 

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I would be asking her at that point, "Are you insane? You are the only one here that needs to calm down."

Hell, acting like that i might get a VAR and start recording our interactions.
 

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Menopause is no excuse to treat your spouse like crap.

Yes you have to deal with the hot flashes though. My poor husband had to deal with me rolling the car window down in February because I was sooooo uncomfortable. He dutifully froze for about 30 miles until I cooled off enough to close the window but I wasn't nasty to him. I actually suggested he pull over & I would just stand outside while he stayed warm in the car. He preferred to keep driving.

Assume your W is crazy & that she will fly off the handle without provocation so try not to take it personally. Let her rant around you while you remain basically oblivious to it. If she says something, explain that when she starts being civil again, you will care again.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Forgot to say she started the patches a few months ago....

Its a bit different here in the UK. Bascially you have to pay to see a specialist (or wait about a year for free on the NHS).
To be fair, she was pro-active in this and did see a consultant. (Who basically advised to increase the patches and then start testosterone too in a few months - this was v low).

Not so sure she gets the hot flushes etc. its mainly tiredness. She has fibromyalgia too so its like piled on top of that so I get it.
She works part-time and we've got a 17 year old and an 8 year old - vastly different problems there!

But yeh I agree she goes too far..... Will it change? Who knows?
 

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You need to calmly inform her that her recent behavior is unacceptable. Once you've done that, you need to initiate consequences, and then double down on those when she keeps it up.
 

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So any advice?
If this doesn't stop she might continue being disrespectful even after her menopause passes, she will get used to you being a push-over!
My advice is to do what my older brother did, and it worked!
He made it clear to his wife that he will not accept any more disrespect, she didn't stop, while she had her outburst again he stood and after she finished he told her are you done? and calmly walked and packed a bag and left the house, as he was leaving he said to her exactly two things:
1- He will not be in a marriage where he is disrespected.
2- He will later come to pick up his remaining things.
She was in a complete shock and started to apologize, begging him to stay she even tried to block the door, he went away for a week, she didn't even know where he was (I did) and he never responded to her messages or calls, he simply ghosted her completely!
She was calling me every day crying and asking me to intervene, they have 3 kids, the kids got very angry at their mom and were asking her all the time where is dad!
Just before he returned he made it clear that he has Zero tolerance for disrespect and if it happens again he will leave and never return!
After this incident she never ever disrespected him again not willingly at least and always apologized if she felt she did!
The kids learned to not tolerate and accept such an abuse in a relationship under any label!

You might wonder why she didn't control herself before and now she can while still going through her menopause? because this time she was more aware of her behaviour and how it will affect the people around her, she knows she cant just do and say what she wants and have no consequences. the same when she goes out and interact with people outside, does you wife do this crap to other people or at shops or at work?

Ok, can she do these outburst with her boss at work?! I bet you not Why?! because she knows there will be consequences!
Then how can she have more respect to her boss but not her husband?!
How the f*** can she control her moods at work but craps on every one at home?!
Why do it to the person who loves you and cares about you?!


Simple, because that person (the husband) never shows her any consequences for her bad behaviour (he is push-over and a doormat) and makes excuses such as:
Not so sure she gets the hot flushes etc. its mainly tiredness. She has fibromyalgia too so its like piled on top of that so I get it.
Before you plan something like my brother you should talk to her first in a loving caring way and make it clear that her behaviour is affecting you and you will not tolerate any more disrespect from her.
If she can meet her bosses expectations at work she should be able to do the same for her loving husband at home!
My brother stayed in an Airbnb for a week, I offered him to come over to my place but he didn't want to because my wife is a good friends to his.
He read like 3 relationship books with his kindle while he was staying there.

The key point is not to scream at her or disrespect your wife, but you must always act strong, calm and decisive (I know you British men are very calm and always afraid to rock the relationship boat :) )

I have a huge circle of friends here in Germany and the UK (I worked in London for many many years), and I can confirm that the men that had the balls to stand up for themselves and were strong and decisive are married happily to this day, the others who were afraid, and very nice (Nice Guys) are the ones that got divorced by their wives, and some of them got cheated on horribly.

She will be more attracted to you on so many levels when you show strength and decisiveness, women are very attracted to men who take what they want and have zero tolerance for bull s***!
Women hate Nice Guys, push-overs, passive men and cowards who don't stand up for themselves!
You can do it, just set the boundaries, and enforce it!

Good luck!
 

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Forgot to say she started the patches a few months ago....

Its a bit different here in the UK. Bascially you have to pay to see a specialist (or wait about a year for free on the NHS).
To be fair, she was pro-active in this and did see a consultant. (Who basically advised to increase the patches and then start testosterone too in a few months - this was v low).

Not so sure she gets the hot flushes etc. its mainly tiredness. She has fibromyalgia too so its like piled on top of that so I get it.
She works part-time and we've got a 17 year old and an 8 year old - vastly different problems there!

But yeh I agree she goes too far..... Will it change? Who knows?
Didnt know they had patches, my wife had complete hystorectomy at about 45. She uses compounded testosterone and progesterone cream daily and taked bioidentical estrodial that disolves under her tongue. It is nice. She is very level emotionally, No period, no pain, no rollercoaster emotions, always ready for intimacy. No dryness unless dehydrared. Now she is just Dr.Jekyll, Mrs. Hyde is gone! We are both very greatful for the hystorectomy.
 

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we don't get women telling the police "I AN IN Menopause " as an excuse for anything ,
this sounds as bad as the people that can say men can get away with fighting or beating their wife because of their testosterone
 
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A 17 year old, a 8 year old, works part time, she has fibromyalgia and now the menopause... I'm not surprised she is shouting a lot... :)
 

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"She has fibromyalgia too so its like piled on top of that so I get it. " -- So I'm going to assume a history of depression/anxiety to go along with the already big pile of stuff.
 

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Coudl she be drepressed? You mentioned a dark cloud and her sleeping a lot. May not even be related to menopause.
 

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Must admit I find it really tough and I don't think I'm taking the right approach.

At the moment, shes either sleeping or in a mood. Its like a black cloud following around the house.
Some of the stuff she comes up with - I just think "eh have you gone insane?"

She'll lose her temper at nothing. At random it seems. She seems to actually get a kick out of criticising me sometimes I'm sure.

She'll do or say things to me that, if I've said in the past, would cause holy hell. But she justifies it with "well you shouldn't have...." Eh?

Today she asked me something, I was in the middle of sorting the TV Sat box I said "one sec". So she repeated, I saig again calmly "yeh just one sec".
Shes off raising her voice "YOU NEED TO CHILL OUT AND CALM DOWN". "CALM DOWN, CALM DOWN, CALM DOWM".

Like WTF! Shes knows this winds me up so was just trying to get a rise out of me. Why I don't know? She can be a massive bully sometimes.....

I try to let a lot of stuff go, or at least, not let it escalate but I'm not the best. It just annoys me so much that shes constantly like this and causing an argument over nothing.... Yeh I know don't take it personally but sometimes.....

So any advice?
I'm divorcing my wife because of this menopause... She turned EVIL and I can't handle it. I tried suggesting she see her Dr but I nearly died from that conversation. She used to be the smartest woman I know but now she's border line moron at times. It's very sad but I just can't deal with her anymore. Almost made it to 20 years too.
 
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