I don't know if I'm posting in the right forum but I was hoping if there are any experienced husbands out there that might be or have been going through the same thing I am right now. How do you cope?
My fiance is unforgiving. She does not take "I'm sorry's" even for little mistakes. I've never done anything major that would damage our relationship or our decision to get married. She says she doesn't believe in forgiveness which is very difficult for me to understand. I grew up in a house where it was bad if you screwed up but you could always find forgiveness through your actions.
When she gets mad she clams up and doesn't talk to me. She leaves the room and doesn't talk to me. She expects me to know what I did wrong without even telling me, and even when I do figure it out there is nothing I can do to solve it. Even when I let her go off on her own and let her cool off until she is ready to talk there is still nothing I can do. Even though I am in the wrong the way she leaves me in the other room leaves me feeling pretty ****ty. I'm a pretty good listener I shut up while she gets everything out. When she get's pissed like that I know I really did do something wrong, and I feel like I don't have the right to tell her that I don't like the way she treats me when she gets really mad.
On top of that when I explain to her something she does that bothers me she tends to blow it off, and sometimes I come off as the bad guy even if it's when it's something that she has done.
She has no regard for effort or trying. It is either do or do not. She has a respect points system that when you do something that pisses her off you lose points. I've seen the way she treats people she has lost all respect for and it scares me.
She doesn't care about what I do to make up for what ever I have done, and she doesn't care about the fact that I did it. She just likes to beat this grueling lesson into my head so I understand what I did and that it pisses her off.
Here's how our arguments usually resolve themselves. We argue, I talk about what I can do to make up, I try to comfort her, she blows me off, I talk to her about forgiveness, she acts unforgiving, I break down and cry because I feel like a failure and a disappointment, she doesn't do anything to comfort me, we end up just dropping it because she says it's done and she has what she wants, she goes about her business, I feel ****ty for the next few hours sometimes until the next day, she doesn't do anything to let me know things are alright, she says she never forgets and never forgives and we were never not alright, she's alright I feel terrible beyond what I believe is necessary for what I have done.
I don't understand how someone can hold so much unforgiveness on their shoulders.
I love her very much and don't expect her to change. We have a very good relationship we just need to find a better way to communicate in an argument. I even have this strange respect for what she believes in.
Most of the time we bicker and argue like a normal couple. Just normal relationship stuff. We have never had a fight if you know what I mean. When we have the big arguments this is how it plays out. I just want to learn how to cope with this, if it's normal, and if anyone out there has a similar experience.
My fiance is unforgiving. She does not take "I'm sorry's" even for little mistakes. I've never done anything major that would damage our relationship or our decision to get married. She says she doesn't believe in forgiveness which is very difficult for me to understand. I grew up in a house where it was bad if you screwed up but you could always find forgiveness through your actions.
When she gets mad she clams up and doesn't talk to me. She leaves the room and doesn't talk to me. She expects me to know what I did wrong without even telling me, and even when I do figure it out there is nothing I can do to solve it. Even when I let her go off on her own and let her cool off until she is ready to talk there is still nothing I can do. Even though I am in the wrong the way she leaves me in the other room leaves me feeling pretty ****ty. I'm a pretty good listener I shut up while she gets everything out. When she get's pissed like that I know I really did do something wrong, and I feel like I don't have the right to tell her that I don't like the way she treats me when she gets really mad.
On top of that when I explain to her something she does that bothers me she tends to blow it off, and sometimes I come off as the bad guy even if it's when it's something that she has done.
She has no regard for effort or trying. It is either do or do not. She has a respect points system that when you do something that pisses her off you lose points. I've seen the way she treats people she has lost all respect for and it scares me.
She doesn't care about what I do to make up for what ever I have done, and she doesn't care about the fact that I did it. She just likes to beat this grueling lesson into my head so I understand what I did and that it pisses her off.
Here's how our arguments usually resolve themselves. We argue, I talk about what I can do to make up, I try to comfort her, she blows me off, I talk to her about forgiveness, she acts unforgiving, I break down and cry because I feel like a failure and a disappointment, she doesn't do anything to comfort me, we end up just dropping it because she says it's done and she has what she wants, she goes about her business, I feel ****ty for the next few hours sometimes until the next day, she doesn't do anything to let me know things are alright, she says she never forgets and never forgives and we were never not alright, she's alright I feel terrible beyond what I believe is necessary for what I have done.
I don't understand how someone can hold so much unforgiveness on their shoulders.
I love her very much and don't expect her to change. We have a very good relationship we just need to find a better way to communicate in an argument. I even have this strange respect for what she believes in.
Most of the time we bicker and argue like a normal couple. Just normal relationship stuff. We have never had a fight if you know what I mean. When we have the big arguments this is how it plays out. I just want to learn how to cope with this, if it's normal, and if anyone out there has a similar experience.
