When my wife and I separated (almost 2 months - and 1 month since she moved out), it was fairly amicable. Then, I learned about her PA which ended 3 years ago (for 3 years, she let me think it was an EA). After that, my trust of ANYTHING she says or has said over the past few years went to absolute zero. In addition, since she moved out - she seems to be playing the role of tragic, unappreciated wife/mother - while actively dating - and has been making the establishment of a parenting plan as difficult as possible using her passive agressive streak. I am essentially the principle parent, with our two daughters (14 and 11) spending at least 80% of the time with me (my wife has them at her place every other weekend. In addition, every other week my wife picks them up after their activities, feeds them, then brings them back to me for bedtime). Yet my wife still claims she would like them 50% of the time... or more (which is a lie on her part).
We cannot talk or even email each other without getting toxic. I try to focus on just the best interests of the kids when dealing with my wife, but my anger and mistrust always makes me think of the ulterior motives behind her unilateral changes or requests to our parenting plans. She never does anything without HER in mind. (Our 25th anniversary would have been this coming Thursday.)
In the meantime, I am very concerned that my wife is going to ask for more access going forward after she "finds herself", even though my kids do not like staying at her place (they LOVE my wife, but she has a one bedroom condo - they have no space to call their own). I was used for the past 4 - 5 years while my wife was cake eating. Don't want it to happen again. So I have asked our mediator to formalize whatever we agree to asap - but my wife keeps saying "ohhh, we have to give the kids time to adjust" - meaning we have to give my wife time to adjust.
Is this typical? Should I expect it to get better? What can I do to make it better? Is it my anger and mistrust preventing cooperation? I just want to formalize a plan and move on - this limbo sucks. Are my expectations about formulating a parenting plan asap unrealistic? I want to be able to deal with my wife, about the kids, without it turning into a fight.
Not sure how it works in your state but both parents have to have "space" for the kids when they visit. I would think that a 2 bedroom would be a requirement for her to have the kids overnight. I know you dont want her to be able to do that anymore so maybe you'd just be happier if she stayed in the 1 bedroom and didnt have a place for them. Just throwing it out there because if she asks for more I believe she would have to have more space for them.