A co-worker of mine went thru a similar situation with her husband. I heard from her how she felt selfish just like you. she tried every way to get her husband to open up and deal with the depression and hurt for months. He just wouldnt. She finally did leave him as she could no longer live that way. She couldnt play second fiddle to a ghost. That was finally the shock he needed I guess to at least address the problem and he started going to counseling. She moved back in with him shortly after he started therapy.My husband's bestfriend died in a car accident almost a year ago, he died coming from work and he worked for my husband.
On to the issue...This past year has been tough, tough is not even a sufficient word to describe how difficult this year has been. Grief is hard and unpredictable and its tearing my family apart.
Although it may sound terrible I think a separation is in my future but I feel guilty and selfish. How can I leave my husband because he's grieving? But living in a home where my husband never talks to me is hard. Some days he doesn't even look my direction. Things only seem normal when he's drinking and i get a glimpse of the person I married 8 years ago. I know its nothing personal because he's just angry with the world but what can I do if he won't seek help? Am I supposed to just deal with this for however long it takes? I'm not saying he needs to get over it and move on but I need him to see that his friend will never get to see his kids grow up or hug his wife but his family is still here. I'm here and our son is still here. At what point do you say I need to leave for my own sanity? Is it selfish and cruel to feel this way, to say I know you are grieving but I have needs of companionship and simple conversation? It seems very very selfish but should I be sentenced to years of his behavior for something that was out of my control?
I have an appointment with a counselor next week but I can't wait that long I feel like I need to move out immediately before I lose my mind.