Talk About Marriage banner
1 - 19 of 19 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My wife and I are in our late 30's. High school sweet hearts so haven't had any other partners. We stopped using condoms in high school. Never mattered anyway because I wasn't able to ejaculate with her. I can only do it by doing some weird flying superman rubbing on the end of a table (pubic hair region pressed against). Sometimes under 5 minutes is all I would need. Her sexual libido was always high. But I started showing signs of Erectile Dysfunction as early as 20's, or I was dissatisfied with my flaccid penis size being shorter than my fingers, erect penis being only 5", or her weight. Eventually we go straight to buying a house together and then marry. Sex is never really great enough for her still, ED signs continue, I don't like giving her oral and barely do that, if ever.

We want a child so I do my flying superman method to ejaculate into a cup and she uses one of those Tylenol syringes to suck up and squirt into her. We do this several times. It works and we are pregnant. At the same time, I discover I have testicular cancer and get surgery to remove 1 testicle and the cancer. I have a scar in pubic hair region that maybe 1x/month gets a sharp shooting pain. After recovery, I masturbate alone old school method with hand up and down shaft watching porn, and ejaculate to my surprise. Unfortunately it doesn't translate to the bedroom as I still cannot ejaculate with wife. But I no longer require the flying superman method.

Now parents, sex is few and far between. For me there was times I wanted it, but she didn't or was too tired or her breasts were sore from breast feeding. But it was fine for me. We succeed getting pregnant for 2nd child with the ejaculating in a cup/syringe method again. Whenever sex came around, it was not great still.

Now the 2nd child is no longer breast feeding, and her sexual libido is way back up, but sex is poor still and the ED continues. I discover she has a dildo (triple my girth and maybe 8"+ in length) and she says she has had it for a long time but never told me. Her friends are mainly her co-workers as a night shift nurse, and I'm noticing her work conversations becoming more "young MTV Real World, drama, dating/sex focused". For example, 1 of her male friends, Jefe, who we have hung out with, has had sex with a few nurses in the unit already, got a non-local girl pregnant but he wants nothing to do with her despite her living with him at his parents. We both agree he is a total douchebag, yet he is still a friend to many. Another 1 of her male friend, Antonio, married with a baby on the way, shares story about how a nurse would text him nude photos asking to come over but he would decline. And how the guys have a top 10 **** list and they share how wife is on it. I say how that is a bro code type of thing and disrespectful of them to share that with you, especially the married guy. She disagrees. She says the only guy that doesn't have one is Jimbo, but it must be a cultural thing since he and I are the same culture. I can't believe she is saying that.

COVID pandemic comes around. I've been working from home and mostly the one taking care of the kids while wife goes off to work at nights and does the grocery shopping. Just a few months ago wife goes to a bonfire with friends and Jefe tells her he has symptoms. She has a little scare since she had a fever, so self quarantines. Both are negative. We argue about the bonfire since no one attempted mask wearing (and she is keen on following mask, especially with family visiting us to see kids, which isn't that often, and she even wipes down groceries and Amazon deliveries). I argue she's lax with it comes to her friends, succumbing to peer pressure, and then she's not lax with family who we know what they do and where they've been.

She reveals to me she is not happy with our sex life. Everything else is perfect. Over maybe a week or so, I'm able to come up with a check list of sorts of what the problems are and attempts to fix. She also says she confided in a non-work friend about it as well. Based on the check list, I say we are done and should separate. She cries and suggests therapy. I agree and would spend any $ if it meant saving our 2 decades long relationship. Internally, I'm not optimistic.

Therapist tells us basically to see a sex therapist specialist, and that my issue is mechanics which I need a doctor for. She comes to this conclusion because we say we are perfect together except for the sex. And that if we were to split right now, it would be amicable and we would be excellent co-parents.

Wife comes up with idea for us to trial separate kinda secretly, I move in with parents, we swap kids based on her work schedule, so she can see what life would be separated and hopefully see that it is not worth it, etc.

During trial sometimes I would stay and sleep over with them all, and we have sex while kids asleep. We try anal and she loves it. Unfortunately future tries don't last as I can't get in or I slip out during. Purchased a penis extender but the fit is uncomfortable and penis erection doesn't last inside so it slip outs. Finally get Viagra and make modifications to penis extender so it can work for me and now ready to try, but wife now wants no sex toys involved, just a real person.

We see the sex therapist and he addresses our check list items:
  • Wife has expectations of bigger and longer size, therapist says his size is fine and workable
  • Wife has expectations of sex every other day and her ejaculation from sex, therapist says women ejaculation through penetration is very low success, mostly outside/oral stimulation is required typically
  • My ejaculation issue is a mental block
  • Viagra helped with the ED but still not great for wife despite 1 session lasting 40 minutes before she dried up (she wasn't feeling it she said)
  • Wife feels needs me to ejaculate for validation, therapist shoots this down
  • Wife feels we lost sexual attraction and chemistry, spark. Therapist says he can coach that back.
  • Wife is discouraged because for more than a decade I should know how to please her.
  • Wife wants a real person and a real penis, not sex toys
  • Remain monogamous since an extra person wife would just get emotionally attached to
Which the check list items we as a couple have already discussed prior before. After 2 sessions, I again decide we should split since nothing is satisfying her. But then I become really depressed, sharing thoughts of suicide with her, and retract split and ask for us to continue trying. So she would schedule a different therapist again.

During this time, we are still living seperately, but I'm noticing odd behavior. The non co-worker friend of hers she confided in I end up talking to and she tells me that it is not my fault and I deserve better, but doesn't elaborate. She doesn't like me spying on her so she powers off the inside of the house security cameras, but leaves on the front door and garage door cameras. She doesn't notify me when she calls in sick, or adds a shift of work.

She doesn't notify me she brought over 2 friends to the house after going out to eat. They are mask-less.

She shares a story about her and her friends are investigating Jefe at work because she thinks he is ****ing another nurse there at work. She even confronts them both about it, they both deny, and shares how she hid in a bathroom stall to try and catch.

She doesn't notify me she asked her sister to drop her off to a restaurant. Where after prodding for the answers, she finally reveals it was just her and Jefe for almost 6 hours, because everyone else flaked. I said it is inappropriate considering his reputation and that it should not have taken that long. She defends and disagrees but ultimately says she understands. Later we fight about it again, and she says she would do it again and if it were me, she would have no problem with it and gives example of females. All those examples I shoot down since the example females I have never been alone with and they are females who are married and have kids, where he is single, fathered a child, sleeps around, type of person to date rape a girl, but is fun in group settings.

Having access to the cameras is pointless so I delete my access off of it.

She notifies me last minute how she is hosting a dinner at the house, and again only after me prodding for answers, does she say who showed up. Jefe is one invitee. All mask less again. The next day, he shows up to house for 10 minutes picking up something.

All the meanwhile I'm asking how are we supposed to be practicing our sexual intimacy issues if we are living apart and this arrangement. I have even already transferred over the house billings to her, with usernames, etc. She still says not to rush this and she loves me and our family life. But she also does admit she loves the alone time without the kids and being able to sleep in an empty house. I'm getting anxiety due to my parents wondering are we really over, am I really moving in, etc. The kids begin to like this arrangement because when they are with mommy at mommy's house, they get her attention. When they are with me at grandparents house, they get all of the attention from multiple people, including their cousins who visit or we visit. Whereas before when I would drop them off, they would cry prompting me to sleep over a few times.

She becomes busy as she stresses over if she can really afford everything whereas I assure her she can as I've already updated the budget online so she can see, but she picks up extra work shifts nonetheless. And she is planning a baby shower and an upcoming bridal shower.

I finally get my own therapy (not sure whatever happened to the new couples therapy she was supposed to schedule for us, and why she didn't continue her own individual therapy) and she wants to address my ejaculation issue by retraining my mind. I share this wife and she complains how I am at step 1 and she is at step 10.

Finally, a night I sleep over, she leaves her phone and I figure out her passcode and find in her photos provocative photos and nudes. Then I see a provocative photo text sent to Antonio, telling him she's nervous, and he confides in her saying that photo will seal the deal with Jefe. That same photo is text sent to Jefe, where she invites him over to for sex (very explicit details on what she wants to do).

I take photos of it and I am shaking so having difficulty. I confront her about it and the kids are eating. I pace back and forth. She says she can talk. She is very straight, not even crying nor begging for forgiveness. I'm asking why why why, why him, who else did you send it to, when, etc. She says she knows it was wrong, she was being selfish and she is sorry she hurt me. She says 2 weeks ago. I tell her how we could have ended amicably and she had plenty of opportunities before to end our relationship. I leave to her mother's house to give her a big hug and apologize to her (since her ex-husband cheated on her and my wife saw her own mother depressed and suicidal tendencies at a preteen age) and call the friend she confided in long before, and she says she was disrespectful to me and selfish and I deserve better and I deserve to know the truth.

So I ask wife about that, and she says for me to come back (since I had left and am already at parents house), so she can tell me. So now the extra info is that her affair started with Jefe way back, almost 3 months prior to her going into quarantine and first sharing her major unhappiness. So that really seals the deal for me, and I say we are done.

I talk to a bunch of people about it, the friend again, who still says I deserve to know the truth. More bits and pieces come out, where now it was at least going on for 3 months straight, multiple times within those months. Probably going on for almost 7 months. It took place at work, in the work parking garage, at hotels, but claims never in the house (though she texted inviting for it to take place there but he would say no because of a reason).

It kills me because she needed all this time to figure things out and when I would bring up feelings for Jefe and all those events she vehemently denied and defended her actions. She knew what cheating would do to our family, her own family, our friends. We talked about all of this throughout our relationship and well before she first cheated, if I am to believe that timeframe. She said she wouldn't string me along during this trial seperation but indeed she was. She lied throughout therapy, since she already was getting great sex, yet all this time she was supposed to be figuring out if she wanted to stay with me or split and seek out great sex elsewhere. She admitted she wanted to have her cake and eat it too, she wanted the best of both worlds, whereas I told her you stopped having the best of both worlds when we did our living seperate arrangement, why not end it then, why keep stringing me along. Again, no tears from her, not sounding truly apologetic, she even passionately says how she initiated it with Jefe and they said it was wrong, but she knew he was going to be great based on how he described his sex with the other girls. And it was, they did everything, and she would cum every time. In seeking closure I asked for details like that but it kept getting worst. She got checked for STD and it was negative.

I leave and update more people. I talk to Antonio and set him straight about why he was helping her and he defends it at first then kind of admits guilt, since I projected it back at his wife, his baby, being respectful to them, even if my wife lied about being divorced when we really were working it out, she told him 2 months, that's a short period of time to be encouraging someone to get laid, and why he didn't shut it down as far as receiving pictures from my wife. I call and text Jefe to no avail.

In hindsight, all my suspicions made sense. But the massive disappointment is heart breaking. Especially the length of time, the multiple times, and her stoic nature in getting caught.

A few days ago she is now angry at me and storming off when I am picking up the kids, since I call her a bad mom and trigger her. She insists she is a good mom whereas I counter and call her a good nanny, a good mom is a good role model, and what she did is break up our family selfishly and now with hate, and her actions could be replicated onto our children when they get older, and how would they feel being the victim just like I am.

She is still in an angry phase at me since I want to contact her co-worker friends to tell them, after she talks to them first. She has no intention of telling them. Everyone tells me it's not worth it, but besides revenge and shaming, my positive intention is to determine their friendship, will they forgive her and help her become a better person?

Wife currently says she developed feelings for Jefe almost a year or so ago. And that I can't believe that. She says he could be her boyfriend. I laugh and tell her that's just her high and fantasies and lust talking. There is no way you can do that and no way he is coming in this house where my kids live. I tell her she thinks with her vagina instead of her head, and she is disgusting. She says me telling her co-workers will isolate her and she doesn't need to be called a **** and take those harsh words from my family. I ask if any of them have been doing that, as I will stop that, but she doesn't answer. I tell her, sorry, but you knew the repercussions with your actions. I told her if she made a mistake and did it once, I could forgive maybe. But the amount of times she did it shows me she didn't really love me and she changed into a devil of a person.

My family is very supportive and helping with getting the kids distracted when I have them with other kids playdates, etc. Wife deleted Jefe's address from our shared online folder, as well as her passwords to accounts.

I talk to more people, sharing how I want to hurt Jefe so bad but everyone agrees to think of the kids as I will most likely go to jail for assault. Her Mom wants to disown her and her siblings are shocked and betrayed, but still talking to her trying to get her mind right on my behalf as well.

I ask wife a favor, to please end everything with Jefe. The sex, the emotional attachment, the relationship. She doesn't face me and says the relationship is over, it's obvious. I ask when they said that to each other. She said it's mutually obvious. I said no, you need to call him or text him this. She would not respond.

I share that disillusionment with family and they agree she is not over him and she still wants it. Unfortunately, it will be hard for us to convince her of that, especially since only 2 co-worker friends now, 1 who is a mutual friend we used to travel with that was part of her old friend group but she got phased out for her new young friends, and Antonio who told me he told his wife and he is looking for a job at a new hospital.

After talking to another family member who is faith based, he said to forgive, but if cannot, can help with legal counsel, and in this case it seems to be my best interest to not pursue divorce until another 2 years for when our marriage would hit the 10 year marker, where I could be eligible for spousal support. Due to COVID I could be laid off next year. I never finished higher education since my work schedule was flexible allowing me to care for children, and the benefits were great. So low income but it fit our family needs since wife was high income earner. I was always with the kids.

I've never felt so much pain. And to imagine the worst pain in the world was caused by the person I loved the most in the world.

There's no way she is going to want to come back to me, especially since she's had that great sex already. I can try to forgive, and the only way we could be back together is if we do couples swaps or incorporate a third person. The damage she caused spread far and wide, as our families and friends were close. It's very hard not to shame her on social or to her co-workers. I'm really curious if they had any suspicions.

For now, I'm seeking legal advice as far as if waiting the 2 years is correct. And if so, I continue to work on myself and focus on my kids as much as possible.

Sorry for the long post, it was a way for me to vent as well. Thanks for reading.
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
30,148 Posts
@dadofdogand2 And when asked why she cared if Jefe (who is only a co-worker) was having sex with a fellow co-worker, what was her excuse?

Either she is having an affair with Jefe, or is throwing herself at Jeff and he isn't responding.

If so, eventually she'll tire of that and try her luck with someone else.

She wears masks with family to show how "responsible" she is but doesn't wear masks with friends because her responsible act is just a charade.

You'll need to see a lawyer and also get into individual therapy for you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,611 Posts
Dollars to donuts, her coworkers already know.

Financially, waiting 'til after the ten year mark is up would be wise. Emotionally, it would kill you. She isn't remorseful. Cut your losses and move on. And, be a good Samaritan and let Antonio's wife know what a swell guy her husband isn't.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,633 Posts
This marriage is over. You need to do whatever you can to protect your finances and custodial rights. Get a good attorney. Do not trust anything she tells you. Next, and more importantly, start to focus on your own well being. Get the help you need to ensure that you can have satisfying sex with your next partner, eat well, exercise, improve your appearance and do the 180 for your own mental well being. Make this all about improving your health and mental state. She needs to be cut off asap which it sounds like you are doing. If you do not have to pay alimony then expose this at their work. They are risking the health of other people and patients with their behaviour not to mention the ethics and morals of it all.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,802 Posts
Faith based counseling from what I’ve seen is close to worthless. Just forgive? Is a real good way to get a repeat.
How’d you like going through it the first time?
Inform the other spouses that were cheated on.
Go your own way. She had this planned from the beggining.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
952 Posts
She doesn't sound like a terrible lady to me. I mean, you're obviously not pleasing sexually to her and she stayed for twenty years?. I can't imagine how my wife would feel if I couldn't ejaculate with her- let alone get hard/stay hard. Aren't these two things that a woman kind of needs to feel attractive and desired? I think the third thing is a lover who wants to please her and you specifically said you don't like doing oral on her? It seems like a huge confidence builder for you would be if you at least embraced doing this for her... even if the equipment didn't work you could be sure to please her- every time. I wasn't clear if she was cheating before or after your separation. If after, it was probably this acceptance that the marriage was ending that led to her cheating (not trying to excuse it).

I don't get why you didn't attack this problem long ago? I'd be secretly getting Viagra probably the first or second time my equipment "failed"... sure wouldn't feel like I'd want to even let my wife know. Second, I'd never leave my wife hanging... seems like you could have at least refined your oral skills if all else failed. I really don't get what there is to not like about pleasing your wife like this.

I've got to ask... and I'm sorry if I'm off base here- but have you been pleasing yourself with porn for so long that perhaps actual sex with a woman just doesn't work for you? Answering this might not help your situation but could help thousands of other men perhaps. You seem to think your equipment isn't sized well enough (probably from comparing yourself to the porn guys) however your wife has specifically rejected (big) toys and said she just wanted you.

Well, I'm sorry. I hope you can find peace in all of this. I don't think you should hate her though... she's only human after all. I can't imagine if my wife never was pleased by our lovemaking over a twenty year period (if I understand this correctly). I can't imagine even the damage from a few awkward, unpleasing sessions... not sure I can really fathom what that would be like over the course of months or years. Seems like sex is always the glue that carries you through life together... kind of hard to believe what you've been living here where sex seems like this sort of awkward, unpleasing event. Sorry, really sorry.. but really confused here.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,279 Posts
Your too emotionally attached to a woman that is no longer interested in you. Everyone else around you already knows what’s going on and they have known for a while. You were too emotionally invested to see the truth.

A woman likes a man that will fight for her and in her case she wanted you to fight for her sexuality as well. A uncooperative penis should not have been the death of y’all sexuality. You could have been curling her toes for years with a nice thick strap on. It’s not an ego thing ..... it’s called treating your partner fairly.

Givin the situation.... how in hell could you deny her oral sex ????

just to be clear ..... cheating is on her...not you.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
16,531 Posts
Two greater bodies can fall flat, some time after that little one goes bust.

While I do understand how she felt, I do not agree with her solution.

She should have softly and amicably divorced first, then sought out the harder remedy.

In exchange for a single hard gem, she threw away many golden memories.

She ended up with a naked, but raw deal.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,326 Posts
The title of your post indicates you think you caused the cheating and you didn’t... there are 1000 ways she could have tried to resolve issues sexual or otherwise without cheating, divorce is just one of them.

Your life isn’t hopeless you can become a happy and well adjusted and sexually healthy person, you simply need to do the work and seek the interventions to arrive there. Individually. You need counseling and also medical interventions for sexual issues which I’d guess stem from your childhood.

Anger is simply pain, you aren’t letting yourself get to feeling and processing the pain because you can’t seem to let go of your wife, even though you’ve said about 20 times you want to. Jefe doesn’t give a crap, stop trying to punish him for your wife being a ho. She’s the one that likes trash like Jefe. Turn that anger into creating a new life, a new family structure for yourself and your kids and building something you can be truly happy and joyful in. Look forward instead of back and work on yourself instead of your dead marriage. It’s ok to hurt, and be depressed, and angry, but you have to use the emotions for a purpose, to an end. And your marriage isn’t that purpose, I think you can feel that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,326 Posts
She doesn't sound like a terrible lady to me. I mean, you're obviously not pleasing sexually to her and she stayed for twenty years?
I swear it’s a theme with people who get together as teenagers, someone seems to always go off the rails and try to relive the party days or the sexual variations they never got to begin with, yet they CHOSE this life and continued it!

But I gently disagree with you here, she’s no poor victim, she is to blame for her cheating because obviously a person willing to self inseminate through a medicine dropper is very well appraised of the situation. She CHOSE this and to have kids with him, and play happy family until she changed her mind.

She could have made a good choice for once and divorced him and then went and screwed Jefe. No blame to be had in that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
@dadofdogand2 And when asked why she cared if Jefe (who is only a co-worker) was having sex with a fellow co-worker, what was her excuse?

Either she is having an affair with Jefe, or is throwing herself at Jeff and he isn't responding.

If so, eventually she'll tire of that and try her luck with someone else.

She wears masks with family to show how "responsible" she is but doesn't wear masks with friends because her responsible act is just a charade.

You'll need to see a lawyer and also get into individual therapy for you.
She cared he was having sex with another co worker while at work because he was gossip, something interesting going on. Part of that MTV Real World/high school drama stuff she got so intertwined with. I eventually tired of it and told her to let it go and let them be. In hindsight, it was either her the one doing it with him during those investigations as an excuse for when she would tell her friends she hid in the bathroom to catch him, when it was really her and him doing it. Or he really was screwing the co worker and it made her jealous because at that point she was already having sex with him.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,813 Posts
She cared he was having sex with another co worker while at work because he was gossip, something interesting going on. Part of that MTV Real World/high school drama stuff she got so intertwined with. I eventually tired of it and told her to let it go and let them be. In hindsight, it was either her the one doing it with him during those investigations as an excuse for when she would tell her friends she hid in the bathroom to catch him, when it was really her and him doing it. Or he really was screwing the co worker and it made her jealous because at that point she was already having sex with him.
Since your a dog owner. Tonight when you take it out keep the bag or crap, and live with it from now on. You will have a happier life with that then this person who is your wife. She is only going to make you miserable.

Go get medical help for your ED. What is your porn use like, also look into Prone Masturbation and see if you can relate.

Funny many blame you for not satisfying her sexually. But using that logic maybe it's her fault you have ED, maybe she didn't do enough to turn you on. (Now I don't think that is true but it's the same logic.)

Maybe you are not that into her anymore though? Maybe if you are with someone else you won't have ED. Maybe you always knew what kind of person she was.

Dude cut your losses. Your wife is no prize. She is a silly women who is going to spend the rest of her life jumping from man to man just watch. From what you write I think she probably would have cheated anyway but your issues gave her a way to justify herself.
 
  • Like
Reactions: jlg07

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,813 Posts
She doesn't sound like a terrible lady to me. I mean, you're obviously not pleasing sexually to her and she stayed for twenty years?. I can't imagine how my wife would feel if I couldn't ejaculate with her- let alone get hard/stay hard. Aren't these two things that a woman kind of needs to feel attractive and desired? I think the third thing is a lover who wants to please her and you specifically said you don't like doing oral on her? It seems like a huge confidence builder for you would be if you at least embraced doing this for her... even if the equipment didn't work you could be sure to please her- every time. I wasn't clear if she was cheating before or after your separation. If after, it was probably this acceptance that the marriage was ending that led to her cheating (not trying to excuse it).

I don't get why you didn't attack this problem long ago? I'd be secretly getting Viagra probably the first or second time my equipment "failed"... sure wouldn't feel like I'd want to even let my wife know. Second, I'd never leave my wife hanging... seems like you could have at least refined your oral skills if all else failed. I really don't get what there is to not like about pleasing your wife like this.

I've got to ask... and I'm sorry if I'm off base here- but have you been pleasing yourself with porn for so long that perhaps actual sex with a woman just doesn't work for you? Answering this might not help your situation but could help thousands of other men perhaps. You seem to think your equipment isn't sized well enough (probably from comparing yourself to the porn guys) however your wife has specifically rejected (big) toys and said she just wanted you.

Well, I'm sorry. I hope you can find peace in all of this. I don't think you should hate her though... she's only human after all. I can't imagine if my wife never was pleased by our lovemaking over a twenty year period (if I understand this correctly). I can't imagine even the damage from a few awkward, unpleasing sessions... not sure I can really fathom what that would be like over the course of months or years. Seems like sex is always the glue that carries you through life together... kind of hard to believe what you've been living here where sex seems like this sort of awkward, unpleasing event. Sorry, really sorry.. but really confused here.
I'm sure you take would be exactly the same for the man who cheat on his wife is she withholds sex as well right?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
952 Posts
I'm sure you take would be exactly the same for the man who cheat on his wife is she withholds sex as well right?
I don't know. I sort of have hope that he can forgive her and overcome his troubles and then repair the marriage. I mean, the guy seems to have a major disability.. again- not to say what she has done is acceptable or even forgivable. I suppose I should jump out of this because I really have no experience here.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,343 Posts
Well, I'm sorry. I hope you can find peace in all of this. I don't think you should hate her though... she's only human after all. I can't imagine if my wife never was pleased by our lovemaking over a twenty year period (if I understand this correctly).
Nope -- she should have done the moral thing and divorced him. Adultery is adultery -- look at all the damage this has done to family/friends already. If SHE had the issue of sex, she should have continued to try with him until it was HER deal breaker, and then called off the marriage before she cheated.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
464 Posts
She doesn't sound like a terrible lady to me. I mean, you're obviously not pleasing sexually to her and she stayed for twenty years?. I can't imagine how my wife would feel if I couldn't ejaculate with her- let alone get hard/stay hard. Aren't these two things that a woman kind of needs to feel attractive and desired? I think the third thing is a lover who wants to please her and you specifically said you don't like doing oral on her? It seems like a huge confidence builder for you would be if you at least embraced doing this for her... even if the equipment didn't work you could be sure to please her- every time. I wasn't clear if she was cheating before or after your separation. If after, it was probably this acceptance that the marriage was ending that led to her cheating (not trying to excuse it).

I don't get why you didn't attack this problem long ago? I'd be secretly getting Viagra probably the first or second time my equipment "failed"... sure wouldn't feel like I'd want to even let my wife know. Second, I'd never leave my wife hanging... seems like you could have at least refined your oral skills if all else failed. I really don't get what there is to not like about pleasing your wife like this.

I've got to ask... and I'm sorry if I'm off base here- but have you been pleasing yourself with porn for so long that perhaps actual sex with a woman just doesn't work for you? Answering this might not help your situation but could help thousands of other men perhaps. You seem to think your equipment isn't sized well enough (probably from comparing yourself to the porn guys) however your wife has specifically rejected (big) toys and said she just wanted you.

Well, I'm sorry. I hope you can find peace in all of this. I don't think you should hate her though... she's only human after all. I can't imagine if my wife never was pleased by our lovemaking over a twenty year period (if I understand this correctly). I can't imagine even the damage from a few awkward, unpleasing sessions... not sure I can really fathom what that would be like over the course of months or years. Seems like sex is always the glue that carries you through life together... kind of hard to believe what you've been living here where sex seems like this sort of awkward, unpleasing event. Sorry, really sorry.. but really confused here.
It's rather odd that if the roles were reversed, then everyone would be shytting all over this guy because he should have divorced her, not had kids with her, not strung her along all this time, not sent **** pics. not banged a bunch of women at the workplace, and should have been more compassionate of her needs and shortcomings, etc...but somehow it's his fault now, because he's not good enough, not big enough, etc..?? Please... 🙄

She picked him....she had kids with him....if the sex was that vital to her happiness, then she should have not had kids with him and divorced him early on....None of her behavior can be justified by what he is saying....
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,085 Posts
She picked him....she had kids with him....if the sex was that vital to her happiness, then she should have not had kids with him and divorced him early on....None of her behavior can be justified by what he is saying....
Considering all the things you had to go thru to have the kid, i tend to agree. why did she get pregnant if she was having an affair, and was planning her exit?

yes some women do NOT like sex with sex toys, will only want an actual penis. that is not so good if you are young and have ED.

but look at it from her side, did you go to a Urologist and try to figure out your ED causes? She made it clear she needed a hard penis to get off, and you thought you knew better.

I see some blame on both sides, but yeah, time to divorce her.
 
1 - 19 of 19 Posts
Top