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DB or Infidelity?

217083 Views 1868 Replies 127 Participants Last post by  Trident, 
G
Hi,
I am not sure whether I am in the correct section of this community; if this needs to be moved to another location, my apologies and please advise.
Anyway, a friend recommended this site to me.
Here is the shortest version of my story…
My wife (34) and I (40M) have been married for almost three years, together for five. We have no children. I recall—both with great fondness, but also with huge sadness—the first year and a half together. We could barely keep our hands off each other; our sex life was plentiful and varied. However, you can chart the slow but steady demise of our intimacy from the point I proposed to her.
The problem … well, I suppose there are two … so, the problems are: a) that it took me a long time to fully grasp that we were heading progressively to a ‘dead bedroom’, and b) when I did realize that I was in a DB, I certainly could have handled it better.
If that were the end of the story, I would just remain in DB communities for support. However, I now have reason to suspect that my wife is being unfaithful. I suppose what I am looking for is advice on how to uncover this discreetly and then, if the worst is imaginable, how to deal with the fallout.
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Trident
Stuff said:
That's what people tried to get you to understand. You kept doubling down with your criticism. Tripling down. Actually, I'm going to run out of appropriate multiples.

What do you expect people to do when you steadfastly refuse to listen? When they keep telling you that you are out of bounds?
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@Celtic Woman

This member makes an excellent point. You are doing EXACTLY what you are accusing others of doing- and ignoring tons of negative feedback from multiple posters including the moderator of this forum.

So, back to my point- no one listens, no one cares. Including you.
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Q
GD, I hope you come back and post an update in a week or so after all the paperwork is signed and maybe again a few months down the road. It lets us know how you are doing and it offers us the chance to learn. In some aspects your story is run of the mill and in some aspects it is very unique. I believe you can have this thread locked and then unlocked when you want to post. That will prevent all the worthless speculation and in fighting. This is what usually happens here when the original poster does not update very often. Some people completely loose focus.
In any event, I am sorry you had to deal with infidelity, but I am glad it is turning out as well as it can for you.
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Trident said:
@Celtic Woman

This member makes an excellent point. You are doing EXACTLY what you are accusing others of doing- and ignoring tons of negative feedback from multiple posters including the moderator of this forum.

So, back to my point- no one listens, no one cares. Including you.
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You and the other posters are exactly proving my point. I did not insult anyone here including OP. I didn't say whether I believed his story - obviously many posts made it clear that I did. But I do think people should familiarize themselves with the facts of law or custom in particular areas rather than just what any poster says. I'm amazed at how unwilling people are to do that - to do any basic investigation even to enhance their own understanding. The sheer negativity I received just from introducing literal facts about how divorce is handled in another country is....stunning to me. I've never seen this before. I have nearly 8000 karma points (those are likes) on Reddit on these topics and I have so many comments thanking me for support or suggestions or research. I really think people on this site might consider how they treat other posters, especially those who disagree with them, or whose style they don't like - especially people who are NEW to the site. This is a point that goes beyond Green Dragon and his story. It is a general point that people really should consider if you want to have people join you here. If you want a private club, that is another issue.

Also....I am not a feminist but I see a strong element of misogyny here and I think some of the men particularly should consider the statements and feelings you have about women, because I do think that's part of the problem you have with me.
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Respectfully, why don't you guys arguing back and forth start your own thread?
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Decorum
oldshirt said:
My prediction is he is going to send Nea a dozen roses to the office (anonymously so she doesn't get in trouble at work but still rubbing McD's nose in it) in gratitude for her help in uncovering their shennanigans. The other office girls will be ribbing her about who this Mystery Man is. Nea, having a good idea who sent the flowers will contact him privately to confirm it was him and they will begin to talk more.

He will invite her out for dinner to thank her personally. They will take a moonlight stroll around the pond outside the restaurant after dinner and drinks. The conversations will turn away from the office politics and the events of the affair and will turn more "personal".

The wine, the human contact, the shared experience, the moonlight bouncing off her shiny hair, the subtle rippling reflections of them together on the water's edge... He turns to her to give her a brotherly hug for her help and support but when she opens her arms to accept his embrace and their eyes meet and their bodies melt into each other..........

......Well, we all know where that will go :) 💓
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Violins, I hear Violins!
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Trident
Celtic Woman said:
I have nearly 8000 karma points (those are likes) on Reddit on these topics and I have so many comments thanking me for support or suggestions or research. I really think people on this site might consider how they treat other posters,
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Now you're resorting to the old "Here are my credentials, they speak for themselves, lots of people in other places like what I post so THERE!".

Celtic Woman said:
I see a strong element of misogyny here and I think some of the men particularly should consider the statements and feelings you have about women, because I do think that's part of the problem you have with me.
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More nonsense. Blanket statements, attacking the men on here who have an issue with you "because you're a woman", and these guys obviously "must be women hating
misogynists".

You're the only woman on here whom I have observed to receive such a high amount of negative feedback from such a large number of posters - and not only from men. And these men are not going around attacking other women posters because of their gender.
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Decorum
Most excellently played Mr GreenDragon!
It may not mean much now but you are destined to be a TAM legend.

People will speak of the depravity of your wife, and your escape from the clutches of an evil Succubus with grace, dignity, and class.

Much respect.

You are a wounded person now. Rehab will be painful. How someone can treat another person's well-being so recklessly and carelessly is inconceivable.

I really do wish you well brother!
Take care!
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C
Well, I will leave my comments on here and people can take them as they wish. They are insights from a new poster who does have a lot of experience with this topic (personally and otherwise) whether anyone likes it or believes it. I think the comments towards me really do speak for themselves. Several posters have written to me expressing sadness over how I have been treated. I'm sure other people have also experienced negative treatment but perhaps are intimidated about expressing their reactions. There is a lot of bullying here.

If you only want an echo chamber and everyone basically saying the same thing over and over again...I guess that is what you will get. Good luck with it.
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Trident
Celtic Woman said:
If you only want an echo chamber and everyone basically saying the same thing over and over again...I guess that is what you will get.
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The irony. :ROFLMAO:
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