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I stumbled upon this website googling if it's okay to sleep in separate bedrooms as a step towards separation. I've read a few posts and figured maybe I could get some feedback on the best way to handle my situation.

I've been married over 10 years and I'm tired. I think I've let my husband get away with too much and now I'm at the point where I don't know how to stand up to him. Before we got married, I suspected him of cheating but I was head over heels in love with him. It was my first real, honest to goodness relationship. He was my world and maybe That's where I messed up at. As our relationship continued, I always felt like I was competing with some other woman for him. Eventually I turned the tables and had an affair of my own. The only difference is that I couldn't hold on to it and I confessed to him. He made me feel like crap and his actions backed it up. He began going out with other women, inviting women to his hotel room while he was away on business and the worse part about it, he eventually told me all about it. Still I felt so bad about my indecretion that I just accepted it and forgave him for it.

I eventually thought that we'd gotten all the revenge out of the way until about 2 yrs ago, I found out (with concret evidence) that he had an affair with some other woman. All the while, I'm trying to make him feel secure since the guy that I slept with now worked with me. I wouldn't do anything else to jeopardize our marriage. Well I found out and then told him that he had to leave but before he left, I said he needed to explain to our children why he was leaving. My children were heart-broken and I couldn't do or see them like that. I let him come back home that night.

We tried to work through things but I always had that nagging thought in the back of my mind that I should've made him stay gone longer. But hindsight is 20/20 and there is nothing I can do about it now. Well at this new job that he has, I noticed that things didn't look right between him and a co-worker so I told him how I felt. His excuse was that she is married and he's not attracted to her. But their interactions made me think there was more to it. Well I went away for a while on a business trip and when I came home, I was excited to be intimate with my husband. Now I'm not saying he's quick but I thought with me being gone for a while, he would've been quick. His excuse was that he had been masturbating daily since I'd been gone so that's why it wasn't easy for him to ejaculate. I know it's bull but I overlooked it but I did tell him that I didn't believe him.

I've tried to leave my marriage a couple of times but my husband keeps discouraging me with promises that things will get better. Unfortunately, they aren't. I'm tired of being insecure in our relationship. We have a 4-bedroom house and he's away on a business trip right now. I've re-arranged that 4th bedroom and now want to make it MY bedroom. I love my husband very much but I'm tired of the lies and insecurity. I don't want the marriage to end but I do want him to realize and appreciate what he has at home. I understand that this could totally backfire but it's to the point that SOMETHING has to change.

Any advice would be much appreciated!!
 
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