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I am separated... I really want to save my marriage... Married 12 years. I am a BS. The affair has lasted 20 months (long distance with a now ex-close friend of ours.) I have heard it all. "I love you but not in love", "I don't know"... at this point I'm sure everyone here has heard it or said it. So I am posting today because I am day 2 of a NC Separation with my wife. She went to stay with her brother to "sort herself out". She told me she needs to be stronger to clean up the mess she made and has to resolve her feelings for the OP. So at her therapists advice, she has gone to her brothers and said she was having NC with her lover. I initiated that we should have NC as well. I also said I think we should have at least 3 months. She thought that was way too long and wouldn't need that much time. She of course thinks we should have limited contact for "emergencies" but I will make sure I have no emergencies. 2 days before she left for the separation to begin, I exposed the affair. I cast a big net. She was not happy but then dark to light right? The first day the OP broke the NC rule and texted her. She immediately texted me to tell me. (I did not respond) I checked cell records... she told the truth and informed me immediately. SO... with the back story out of the way, I am REALLY struggling. I opened a gmail account so that when I felt the need to tell her something or yell at her or tell her I miss her, I can just email this inbox and get it out of my system for the moment. I have plans and projects of things to keep me busy to try to take care of myself (no kids) and move forward but Day 2 is worse than Day 1 and I feel Day 3 will be more of the same. How do people get through this? I'm strying to educate myself and do everything in my power to save my marriage but now that I'm at this stage... NC Separation, I feel completely powerless, vulnerable, and sad. Very, very sad. Does anyone have a story of how separation helped their marriage survive? Any tips on how to keep putting one foot in front of the other? To stop obsessing in my head (yes I am at work typing this) it's affecting my job, sleep, weight, I'm just not ready to let her go and I'm scared she will never come home. I know it's her decision, but is my NC separation decision the right thing to have done?... or one giant mistake?
 
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