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None of us can say for certain if there is an OM or not. All we can do is speculate.

That said, how you deal with a cheating wife versus a walkaway wife is DRAMATICALLY different.

Do some minor investigating. Check your phone bill. That is the easiest thing you can do to investigate.

Beyond that, give her space. Lots of it. Give her so much space that she wonders if you were the one initiate this situation. Be busy. Pursue hobbies. Let her see you living a full, enjoyable life without her.

And, if you want to message her less...then freaking message her less. You have the ability to exercise restraint. Stop making excuses.


Furthermore, separation is not the typical path to healing a relationship, rather it is the first step to divorce. Make sure you keep this in mind as you move forward.

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Wise advice. You control you, your phone, etc. No crying, begging or pleading. All that does is make you look weak and unattractive.

If you chase they always move farther away. A lot can’t stop it to their detriment. Beware!!!!
 

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Absolutely if you chase, she will buy new track shoes..... at all costs, don’t call her, don’t communicate.
And please, find out who the other man is.
 

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Just show up unannounced with dinner but be prepared for the other guy to be there.
 
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Your best course of action here is to take control of your situation and stop letting your wife dictate the terms of your marriage and eventual divorce - because that’s where it’s going.

Do not allow this separation to continue, period. Not for another day.

A separation is only a way to:
1. ease into a divorce at her convenience, and/or
2. try out another man/men

Do not allow a separation. She can work on her issues at home, as your wife. You can give her some space without a separation.

She’s either your wife or she’s not. If she insists she needs a separation to figure things out, YOU file for divorce immediately - because that is what she is choosing. She just wants to do it at her convenience. If she insists on a separation, she is choosing to no longer be your wife, and she will not be acting like your wife.
You need to act immediately in your own best interest.
 

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Not sure on the rental time frame.....While I agree that it will be unsettling I have to manage it to the best of my ability in the hope that we can be together. The nanny will go where the kids are. My son is 3 and is going to school so that will be some normality for him. My wife believes as long as we handle this like adults then they should be ok. I am dreading not seeing my kids they are my world! All her family agree that the children should be put first but her argument is how can she be the best Mum to them if she is not happy......my response to that was well I will keep the kids! haha.....did not go down to well! I cannot keep her from seeing them she does love just as much as me if not more due to the fact that she birthed them. That is why I have to put a time frame on this and then if it does come for divorce put everything I have into fighting for them. They cannot be brought up moving houses like tennis balls.......I don't want to be a weekend father.
You are being played. Stop
 

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She is reluctant to put a time frame on things but we have agreed no seeing other people....she said she would respect the marriage and she has to much respect for herself to do that. She still wears her wedding rings so lets see
You realize the odds of her actually honoring this agreement are extremely low...
 

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I agree that if you have things wrong you need to work on them together while together , A separation is only buying time for the brake up , it takes two to make a marriage and often it takes 2 to brake it, and often it is long gone before the cheating starts and there is more ways to cheat than just having sex with someone , cheating is when I am talking about my wife to another or cheating is when I go looking for other women that turn me on can be on the internet or even sitting in my car at a shopping center ,
there are many ways to find help together once you stop working together your are looking a the big D

IF your looking at divorce you need to do it in the honest way and not putting wrapping paper around it
 

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Pay off debts. Save some cash. Work on a schedule that allows you to see the children and put it into writing. Try to figure out how much support you are going to have to provide and if you are going to stay in the marital home or not. Work on a post-divorce budget.

It is very likely that you are now Plan B. Whether she's done with the relationship and doesn't want to tell you or she's started another relationship and wants to see if it works out before officially ending the marriage is largely irrelevant. The end of my marriage was the former and not the latter (IE no OM until at least months after the separation) but at the end of the day she'll likely only come back reluctantly and leave at the first opportunity.
 

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Please file for divorce. You can always stop it. This separation is not for your benefit, it’s for your wife. If she has left you with the kids to pay for, then get advice from a lawyer. This could help you in a custody battle. If she has them and has left you with them, it could ruin you in a custody battle. Don’t listen to us. See an attorney. If you don’t, you are not taking care of your kids as a father and risking losing them. A separation like this......... you have got to see it for what it is. Don’t wallow in fear or self pity. Take action and keep your ability to parent your children intact, even if you lose your wife who HAS made it clear by her actions that she does not want to be with you anymore, for whatever reason. There is no reason to talk to her about this. Talking accomplishes nothing in these situations, other than delay action which you need to take and give her time to screw you over, which she is sadly very likely to do whether it be in divorce or with another man.
 

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Main argument is about not been a partnership she says I was not present.....I thought I was waking up at 5 going to work for 14hrs for my family I do and will do anything for them but guess I was not maybe there emotionally for her. Yes everyone including her family are all very confused about this whole situation. She has refused to go to a meeting with her family to discuss this. so yes for the moment I think just the space is what I will do,
That's NO reason for her to LEAVE you. Have you had discussions? Did she come to you with those reservations about you not being there emotionally? Has she tried to work through this with you before moving out? If NO then her moving out will NOT improve this.
If she is separating, have you had discussions about NO OTHER partners while separated? She started a new job -- maybe someone there has caught her eye and she thinks this is an easy way to be with them and put YOU on hold.

ETA: I see that she verbally agreed to not seeing others. I would suggest you have a FORMAL separation agreement drawn up -- because if you do not, YOU may be liable for any debts she racks up while living alone. Not sure how that works in your country but you should make sure of it.
 

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There are things to do before filing for divorce that may help protect your ASSets.

I suggest you start looking into what you need to do.
 

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I disagree not all cases are the same and I have to give my marriage time. Although this is hard I have to give her the space she is needing to decide what she wants. Who knows maybe we will come back stronger but I am preparing for the worst. There is no other man involved (that I know of) but if there is that would end it immediately for me.
so far it sounds like your head screwed on tight what bothers me is her leaving the kids with you she gets all the space in the world and if I get you correctly she doesn’t want to do joint counseling along with the fact that she won’t talk to her family all of these things are very very strange
 

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Good Morning All,

I am new here and today my wife is moving out after 7 years of marriage. We have two children aged 3 and 1. She says she just needs space to think about things and it is not a divorce at the moment. I do not want this I love her with all my heart. There is no physical or mental abuse, and neither of us have cheated. The last year has been difficult as for so many others. Her business closed due to Covid, I had a 20% paycut and we had to move in with her Father. I was working 14hrs a day and she says she does not feel like she was a priority in my life.

Anyway any suggestions on how to deal with this or should I message her etc would be greatly appreciated.

Happy to answer any questions you may have.

Many thanks.

Rob
Shes having an affair, needing space is her way of having that freedom. Keep your eyes open brother!
 

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I suspect she is cheating. My ex-wife kicked me out to have space and time to cheat. As soon as I moved out "temporarily" she told our 6 year old that he would have a step-dad and introduced him. We then got divorced and she married him. Just 2 months earlier she told people how incredibly happy she was. She just got those feelings for another guy. "It just happened"; their feelings can change on a dime. If she now earns more money than you that's also a trigger for break-ups. The reason I suspect she is cheating is she's moved out to a rental nearby so she can be single. She's left the kids with you which is rare, the advantage being privacy and time, and it won't put Chad off (other people's kids are a bit of a turn off).

When my parents broke up my father was having an affair with our next door neighbour's wife. She moved out to a place on her own in a rental not too far from my dad's house and saw her kids every second weekend. My mum moved to her parent's house with us kids in tow and looked after us while having to work full-time. My father and the neighbour's wife eventually moved in together, divorced their ex-partners and got married. Many years later they got divorced. My dad is tall, good looking, intelligent, fit, successful and their lives together rarely centred around their children but around what they liked to do. So I guess it gave them a lot more "me" time and control of their finances in a kid free environment (most of the time).

I think you need to do the 180. Make this about you and your transformation. She's going to go try and do whatever it is she's got planned.
 

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LOL! Do you feel better now?

@lifeistooshort , will you set this #@$%!&* straight?
I'm not sure I won't lose some brain cells trying. You know us evil womenz.....

But I have observed that the ones making comments like this often didn't treat their wife very well, so they have to revert to "but vows! Honor! Loyalty!".

The vows to love and cherish their wife are conveniently forgotten.

I of course don't know the full story here....it would be helpful to know more about the marital dynamics. There's usually a lot more to the story.

I agree with @farsidejunky that it's important that OP know what he's dealing with regarding another guy or a waw.
 

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@lifeistooshort that's a judgemental generalisation. No one really knows what happens behind closed doors in a relationship. They may be true romantics, old fashioned people who treated their partner like a queen only to be made her servant and looked down upon as worthless. The poster was just making a point that in duels and jousts knights made a code of conduct and then espoused it as right and proper for the masses however in reality people behave according to how they feel. Those feelings change over time.
 

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Anytime a spouse takes the time to find another place to live, the issues are deeper than we think or want to think, It seems that she wants to pin all of the issues on you, but I can assure you... if you were not working and providing for your family, then that would be an issue that would take center stage. With all that is going on due to COVID, you were able to continue to work a job and provide. Her "checking out" in the way that she has is very concerning, and I am sure that there is a lot more to it than what she is telling you.

I hope that this can be resolved in a way that is healthy and good for your children. I personally know how this tears at your heart and soul. Maintain a healthy lifestyle and keep active. Do not just sit around and ruminate for too long over all of this. Your children need you now more than ever.
 
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