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I see this as....

Running from one's problems and leaping into the flames.

OP may be a bad husband, but, we do not know this.
It seems not the case.

There are no (truly) *bad toddlers, only bad parents.
At that stage of life, that is the norm.

Abandoning one's children is thought more a 'male' thing.
But, mental illness, drugs and alcohol, and rampant lust and selfishness can cause a woman to do this, in turn.



*OK, some babes are little tyrants.
 

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Discussion Starter · #42 ·
Rob there is something very strange going on here. From what you have said you are a hard worker and the two of you are experiencing what I would call "normal" marital problems. A mother of young kids doesn't just up and leave simply because she now has a better job and feels she needs to "find" herself. There is more to this than meets the eye and in my experience, she is suffering mental problems (including severe depression) or there is someone else. In this case it sounds like she might be monkey branching which is testing another branch thoroughly before she lets go of the first one. You really need to be vigilant in terms of checking up on her calls and activities.

Have the two of you agreed any sort of terms or boundaries for this separation e.g. no dating anyone else, no bringing strange men (women in your case) around the kids etc. What is the online dating scene like in Zambia? This does not pass the sniff test at the moment. And it doesn't matter at all how hard you want to try - if there is something else you better find out quick. And do not feel guilty at all about snooping on her.
So I think depression might be part of the problem she lost her Mum 6 years ago and did not deal with it very well then the birth of our son was very distressing to the point I had to sign a form to say who the priority was my wife or unborn child happily both survived but she had thoughts and dreams of death for a long time after that then with our daughter it was a very hard pregnancy she was born early and just 2 months before covid hit Zambia so we went from having a new baby to losing companies to pay cuts to moving in with her Father and me working all hours just to keep the kids fed. So I do believe there is some depression there. My Dad has also been ill for 4 years (he was given two to live) and he and my Mum returned to the UK so I have not seen him in 2 years. So also have been diagnosed with PTSD (former Uk military) as well as my Dad so I don't think it is all to do with another man possibly is but I think there is a lot more to it........
 

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Discussion Starter · #43 ·
Rob there is something very strange going on here. From what you have said you are a hard worker and the two of you are experiencing what I would call "normal" marital problems. A mother of young kids doesn't just up and leave simply because she now has a better job and feels she needs to "find" herself. There is more to this than meets the eye and in my experience, she is suffering mental problems (including severe depression) or there is someone else. In this case it sounds like she might be monkey branching which is testing another branch thoroughly before she lets go of the first one. You really need to be vigilant in terms of checking up on her calls and activities.

Have the two of you agreed any sort of terms or boundaries for this separation e.g. no dating anyone else, no bringing strange men (women in your case) around the kids etc. What is the online dating scene like in Zambia? This does not pass the sniff test at the moment. And it doesn't matter at all how hard you want to try - if there is something else you better find out quick. And do not feel guilty at all about snooping on her.
She is reluctant to put a time frame on things but we have agreed no seeing other people....she said she would respect the marriage and she has to much respect for herself to do that. She still wears her wedding rings so lets see
 

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Grass is greener..

There is a large amount of green grass in Africa.

Ah, but humans do not subsist on green grass. They live on green cash.

In the internet age, our world has gotten smaller, our eyes {cannot, but see}, what others have and are doing.

Temptation is that inner monster tearing at one's soul.
Temptation is everywhere, tainting everything safe and traditional.

Rob1983's wife has given in to temptation.

 

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Was she treated for her post partum depression?

If she was depressed for a while and then had a difficult pregnancy and childbirth, she could be still going through post partum depression.

She might need a counselor who can help her with this and probably some medication as well.
 

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Discussion Starter · #47 ·
Was she treated for her post partum depression?

If she was depressed for a while and then had a difficult pregnancy and childbirth, she could be still going through post partum depression.

She might need a counselor who can help her with this and probably some medication as well.
That it no she was not treated has not even seen a professional she said last night actually she is going to go see someone so lets see
 

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None of us can say for certain if there is an OM or not. All we can do is speculate.

That said, how you deal with a cheating wife versus a walkaway wife is DRAMATICALLY different.

Do some minor investigating. Check your phone bill. That is the easiest thing you can do to investigate.

Beyond that, give her space. Lots of it. Give her so much space that she wonders if you were the one initiate this situation. Be busy. Pursue hobbies. Let her see you living a full, enjoyable life without her.

And, if you want to message her less...then freaking message her less. You have the ability to exercise restraint. Stop making excuses.

Furthermore, separation is not the typical path to healing a relationship, rather it is the first step to divorce. Make sure you keep this in mind as you move forward.

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk
 

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She is reluctant to put a time frame on things but we have agreed no seeing other people....she said she would respect the marriage and she has to much respect for herself to do that. She still wears her wedding rings so lets see
If it is an affair. Lies are common. They will promise/tell you anything but actions are more truthful than words. Her actions say she’s checking out of the marriage. Separation if it’s an affair is to spend more time with their affair partner with you conveniently out of the way.

The reason everyone is suspecting here is because it’s way to common.

There was a poster a year or so back (from Canada) that was going through the same scenario. He was adamant there was nothing going on until he dropped by her place unannounced and found her with her new boyfriend. That’s when he discovered it was all lies.

We all hope we’re wrong but this scene plays out here all the time.

Sorry
 

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Rob, you are good man, but you are being blindsided and haven't figured it out yet.

Time to wake up and investigate a little.

Do not accuse or confront her about any of this until you have finished any sort of evidence gathering, as she will just hid it further.
 

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Is Tinder popular in Zambia? Is there someone at work that she particularly talks a lot to? about?
 

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Good Morning All,

I am new here and today my wife is moving out after 7 years of marriage. We have two children aged 3 and 1. She says she just needs space to think about things and it is not a divorce at the moment. I do not want this I love her with all my heart. There is no physical or mental abuse, and neither of us have cheated. The last year has been difficult as for so many others. Her business closed due to Covid, I had a 20% paycut and we had to move in with her Father. I was working 14hrs a day and she says she does not feel like she was a priority in my life.

Anyway any suggestions on how to deal with this or should I message her etc would be greatly appreciated.

Happy to answer any questions you may have.

Many thanks.

Rob
I’ll just go ahead and say it:

I need space: This is a CLASSICAL tactic of a cheater, wanting to try out a new man while keeping you on the hook.
My point: of you haven’t verified through every means possible that another man doesn’t have her interest, then investigate so you can’t be made plan B while she test drives other dudes.

one thing is certain, chasing her won’t get her back. Ignoring her stepping out of the marriage don’t fix it, acting/being weak won’t either.

Please don’t let your wife do this to you. What she is doing, separating and keeping you on a leash is literally torturing you. Emotionally abusive!!!!

I strongly advise you to move on with your life, file for divorce, and learn to be happy alone. It will hurt. It takes a while. But what you’re eGm during is pure hell.
 

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A lot of betrayed spouses find comfort in not knowing. That way they don’t have to make a decision.

if they don’t see a problem they don’t have to do anything.

The problem is their but ignorance is bliss for awhile. The longer an affair goes on the tighter the bond.

If it is an affair it’s already sexual/physical. They don’t move out just for emotions.
 
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