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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Good Morning All,

I am new here and today my wife is moving out after 7 years of marriage. We have two children aged 3 and 1. She says she just needs space to think about things and it is not a divorce at the moment. I do not want this I love her with all my heart. There is no physical or mental abuse, and neither of us have cheated. The last year has been difficult as for so many others. Her business closed due to Covid, I had a 20% paycut and we had to move in with her Father. I was working 14hrs a day and she says she does not feel like she was a priority in my life.

Anyway any suggestions on how to deal with this or should I message her etc would be greatly appreciated.

Happy to answer any questions you may have.

Many thanks.

Rob
 

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Where is she moving to?
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Would counselling be an option?
We have been having individual coaching sessions but yes I am keen to have a counselling session with someone. I have always wanted this as I think it is a good check in. We do have problems with communication and I believe that is our main issue so a counsellor would help with that. I don't want to push her too much so will give her some space and then suggest it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
She has rented another house about 20 min from our home.
She got a really well paid job in Feb and I got a promotion at work finally everything seemed to be going right! Till she said she wanted a break.......Even a week before she was telling me how much she loved me.
 

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She got a really well paid job in Feb and I got a promotion at work finally everything seemed to be going right! Till she said she wanted a break.......Even a week before she was telling me how much she loved me.
If you ask me, give her some time and space to think things through. Give her the opportunity to miss you, so to speak, and when at least one month has passed, then start talking to her about preserving your marriage. And if it is meant to be, it will.
What were your arguments about mainly?
Was it household issues or problems with feelings/intimacy?
Everyone has suffered the negative effects of Covid but not everyone has divorced because of that.
I know you are in pain now but try to think of a strategy ahead and that not everything is lost :)
 

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Can I just say it's very strange for a mother to abandon a 3 year old and a 1 year old? Unless she is taking them with her.
One of my brothers, has an aesthetically challenged wife, who did the same kind of thing. When she left him to go live with the father of her first child, who she brought with her while abandoning three of her other children.

What baffles me is that my brother took her back, after the other man got sick of her after a few months and told her to "expletive off".

This happened a few years ago now, and my brother is still with her. I guess some people (including my brother) can't help but go out of their way to be victims.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
If you ask me, give her some time and space to think things through. Give her the opportunity to miss you, so to speak, and when at least one month has passed, then start talking to her about preserving your marriage. And if it is meant to be, it will.
What were your arguments about mainly?
Was it household issues or problems with feelings/intimacy?
Everyone has suffered the negative effects of Covid but not everyone has divorced because of that.
I know you are in pain now but try to think of a strategy ahead and that not everything is lost :)
Main argument is about not been a partnership she says I was not present.....I thought I was waking up at 5 going to work for 14hrs for my family I do and will do anything for them but guess I was not maybe there emotionally for her. Yes everyone including her family are all very confused about this whole situation. She has refused to go to a meeting with her family to discuss this. so yes for the moment I think just the space is what I will do,
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Can I just say it's very strange for a mother to abandon a 3 year old and a 1 year old? Unless she is taking them with her.
We will share the kids according to her....1 weekend each then share during the week. She believes that they will be fine with this depending on how we behave. I disagree but only time will tell. I will make sure I give them both as much attention and support as possible. I will not bad mouth their Mother to them or in front of them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Get some decent legal advice, and start the process of divorcing her as soon as possible.
Although it might come to that I still have to believe we can get through this. I will fight for my marriage not only for my kids but myself. I love her very much and truly believe she is just going through a tough time and does not see how else to solve this. Although we are not putting a time frame on it officially I will give myself 2-3 months then I will ask for a decision if there still is not one. All her family brothers included are baffled but tell me to fight so that's what I will do
 

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We will share the kids according to her....1 weekend each then share during the week. She believes that they will be fine with this depending on how we behave. I disagree but only time will tell. I will make sure I give them both as much attention and support as possible. I will not bad mouth their Mother to them or in front of them.
How are going to work 14 hours a day looking after 2 toddlers?
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
One of my brothers, has an aesthetically challenged wife, who did the same kind of thing. When she left him to go live with the father of her first child, who she brought with her while abandoning three of her other children.

What baffles me is that my brother took her back, after the other man got sick of her after a few months and told her to "expletive off".

This happened a few years ago now, and my brother is still with her. I guess some people (including my brother) can't help but go out of their way to be victims.
I disagree not all cases are the same and I have to give my marriage time. Although this is hard I have to give her the space she is needing to decide what she wants. Who knows maybe we will come back stronger but I am preparing for the worst. There is no other man involved (that I know of) but if there is that would end it immediately for me.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
How are going to work 14 hours a day looking after 2 toddlers?
Well I was promoted a few months ago so my working hours have reduced. I live in Zambia and we have a fantastic Nanny who has been with us since my son was born. We have both had to work as school fees medical and everything else in Zambia is so expensive. We don't really live close to family so that is not an option. I am home by 5pm everyday now and I do not work weekends so I just need to make sure that I am there present as a Father with every second I have with them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
If you ask me, give her some time and space to think things through. Give her the opportunity to miss you, so to speak, and when at least one month has passed, then start talking to her about preserving your marriage. And if it is meant to be, it will.
What were your arguments about mainly?
Was it household issues or problems with feelings/intimacy?
Everyone has suffered the negative effects of Covid but not everyone has divorced because of that.
I know you are in pain now but try to think of a strategy ahead and that not everything is lost :)
'Thank you for been positive I agree that not everything is lost and if you believe in something enough it is worth fighting for.
 

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She has rented another house about 20 min from our home.
I am guessing it's a 6 or 12 month rental?
This is so sad, those little children will definitely be damaged by her selfish actions. Having their family break up, having to live in two different places, for such small children that will be very unsettling. At least they have their nanny although will the nanny stay with you only? Or go with her as well?
 
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