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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
I started seeing this great guy (about 2 months in) He's extremely fun, respectful, kind, generous, upbeat and is smitten by me. Many dates, lots of makeout sessions. No sex yet.
Problems?
He's a sloppy kisser. Open mouth, saliva, swallowing my mouth etc. I'm not a fan of that...I love to kiss.
The last date was kinda heated (hot makeout session in his car), and I'm expecting we're headed to sex. I'm not there yet, and he's been respectful of my boundaries. Oh, and he was in a dead bedroom with his ex wife for years, so intimacy is extremely important to him, but he's been patient with me. He's very affectionate though.
In the meantime, what to do with the bad kissing? Communicate? Teach him? We're both affectionate, cuddly, hand holding, PDA, etc.
 

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I started seeing this great guy (about 2 months in) He's extremely fun, respectful, kind, generous, upbeat and is smitten by me. Many dates, lots of makeout sessions. No sex yet.
Problems?
He's a sloppy kisser. Open mouth, saliva, swallowing my mouth etc. I'm not a fan of that...I love to kiss.
The last date was kinda heated (hot makeout session in his car), and I'm expecting we're headed to sex. I'm not there yet, and he's been respectful of my boundaries. Oh, and he was in a dead bedroom with his ex wife for years, so intimacy is extremely important to him, but he's been patient with me. He's very affectionate though.
In the meantime, what to do with the bad kissing? Communicate? Teach him? We're both affectionate, cuddly, hand holding, PDA, etc.
If you're turned off by just kissing and not talking or correcting even that after two months then why think there will be good sex or whatever?
Two months is way past time to be closer than complaining about kissing.

Didn't you post about this before?
Edited: do the guy and you a favor, breaking up would be a mercy to both.
 

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He can be taught what you like, and unless he's an idiot he'll respond well to the advice. Tell him you'll take the lead and show him what you would like him to do.
 
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I started seeing this great guy (about 2 months in) He's extremely fun, respectful, kind, generous, upbeat and is smitten by me. Many dates, lots of makeout sessions. No sex yet.
Problems?
He's a sloppy kisser. Open mouth, saliva, swallowing my mouth etc. I'm not a fan of that...I love to kiss.
The last date was kinda heated (hot makeout session in his car), and I'm expecting we're headed to sex. I'm not there yet, and he's been respectful of my boundaries. Oh, and he was in a dead bedroom with his ex wife for years, so intimacy is extremely important to him, but he's been patient with me. He's very affectionate though.
In the meantime, what to do with the bad kissing? Communicate? Teach him? We're both affectionate, cuddly, hand holding, PDA, etc.
Well, if he's not into swinging, maybe isn't old enough to have fathered you and the COVID scare is pretty much over,. I would say maybe he's worth training?

Are you still getting matched with men 18 years older than you?

I'm a believer in working to improve the weak places if there is enough already there to work with.

Mrs. C wasn't the most skillful kisser (though she wasn't sloppy) and not even in the top ten when it came to first time sex.

She was amazing enough and we worked on the rest.

She got way better at sex and a little better at kissing and I learned to love Jane Austen among many other things.😉

Don't be afraid to help and instruct a little with intimacy.

Have him sit (I'm assuming he's taller than you) and keep his hands down while you take control of the kissing.

You should be allowed to use your hands however you want and starting with them gently on either side of his face as you control the kissing isn't a bad way to start.

This will definitely teach him more of what you like and will be a lot of fun to boot.

It's very erotic and intimate though so be prepared to be able to put the breaks on if you don't want sex or be prepared for a nice intro into full on sex.

You do have to understand that kissing with your significant other is actually sex light and you might already be in his bed if he had been doing it right for you to begin with.😉
 

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Thanks for sharing, the nitty gritty and the spit.

The kissing, in itself, should not be a deal breaker.

Compatibility between partners is the most important thing in a relationship.

The next would be chemistry.

Some have no need of it, as marriage to them is one of convenience and companionship,

Both need to feel that chemistry, or both, not.

Do not fall into the critical analyst trap.

All humans have faults, tics, and little annoyances.

Look past them, or do not, at your forever peril.

Overly critical, and picky people find themselves alone, pickling in their own sour juices.

If he came from a sexless marriage, he is either low desire, LD, or he took care of business on his own.

Neither are promising notions, if you are more that high desire.
That said, you sound LD, or maybe having reactive/responsive desire.

Good luck!
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 · (Edited)
If you're turned off by just kissing and not talking or correcting even that after two months then why think there will be good sex or whatever?
Two months is way past time to be closer than complaining about kissing.

Didn't you post about this before?
Edited: do the guy and you a favor, breaking up would be a mercy to both.
This is a different guy.!!!
And I'm not turned off by the kissing completely!!! Kissing is a learned skill (i think) and as ConanHub and others said, we can work on that.
He really is a great guy.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Well, if he's not into swinging, maybe isn't old enough to have fathered you and the COVID scare is pretty much over,. I would say maybe he's worth training?

Are you still getting matched with men 18 years older than you?

I'm a believer in working to improve the weak places if there is enough already there to work with.

Mrs. C wasn't the most skillful kisser (though she wasn't sloppy) and not even in the top ten when it came to first time sex.

She was amazing enough and we worked on the rest.

She got way better at sex and a little better at kissing and I learned to love Jane Austen among many other things.😉

Don't be afraid to help and instruct a little with intimacy.

Have him sit (I'm assuming he's taller than you) and keep his hands down while you take control of the kissing.

You should be allowed to use your hands however you want and starting with them gently on either side of his face as you control the kissing isn't a bad way to start.

This will definitely teach him more of what you like and will be a lot of fun to boot.

It's very erotic and intimate though so be prepared to be able to put the breaks on if you don't want sex or be prepared for a nice intro into full on sex.

You do have to understand that kissing with your significant other is actually sex light and you might already be in his bed if he had been doing it right for you to begin with.😉
This guy is slightly younger. 47. I find that older guys are in the same stage in life as I am (teenage kids, etc).
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Thanks for sharing, the nitty gritty and the spit.

The kissing, in itself, should not be a deal breaker.

Compatibility between partners is the most important thing in a relationship.

The next would be chemistry.

Some have no need of it, as marriage to them is one of convenience and companionship,

Both need to feel that chemistry, or both, not.

Do not fall into the critical analyst trap.

All humans have faults, tics, and little annoyances.

Look past them, or do not, at your forever peril.

Overly critical, and picky people find themselves alone, pickling in their own sour juices.

If he came from a sexless marriage, he is either low desire, LD, or he took care of business on his own.

Neither are promising notions, if you are more that high desire.
That said, you sound LD, or maybe having reactive/responsive desire.

Good luck!
I am so not LD!
Anyway, great advice.
He came from a sexless marriage and started having sex as soon as he exited it 2 years ago. Just not with me yet.
I don't think he's LD either.
 

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I started seeing this great guy (about 2 months in) He's extremely fun, respectful, kind, generous, upbeat and is smitten by me. Many dates, lots of makeout sessions. No sex yet.
Problems?
He's a sloppy kisser. Open mouth, saliva, swallowing my mouth etc. I'm not a fan of that...I love to kiss.
The last date was kinda heated (hot makeout session in his car), and I'm expecting we're headed to sex. I'm not there yet, and he's been respectful of my boundaries. Oh, and he was in a dead bedroom with his ex wife for years, so intimacy is extremely important to him, but he's been patient with me. He's very affectionate though.
In the meantime, what to do with the bad kissing? Communicate? Teach him? We're both affectionate, cuddly, hand holding, PDA, etc.
You're going to have to try to teach him and he probably won't take it well. You can ask him if he can keep his mouth more closed because you're getting too wet. Truth is though this is his way he likes to do it so it's probably unlikely he'll change that permanently and it's also likely sex may be more of the same. But your only shot if you want to keep seeing him is to let him know that you don't like all the saliva. You might even have some kleenex in there by and make a point of stopping him and cleaning up your mouth area afterwards as a conversation opener.
He might be one of those unfortunate people who has extra saliva. But you can usually tell those guys because they're always sucking back in just even when they're not kissing or anything. I worked with one who told me about it.

I ran into a incompatible kisser situation with a guy I had known pretty well for 3 years before having the affair. It was the opposite. I never addressed it with him but I just stopped kissing him because some guys don't miss that. But I miss that so I like a guy who can kiss. I'm sure it's more a matter of physical compatibility than anything.
 
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