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Ok, I'm going to begin by saying that as far as being affectionate goes I can come off as really standoff-ish when I first start talking to someone. I say this when comparing myself to how some men seem to converse, how some of them can come off which can be rather forward in my opinion. I do not shower them with compliments outside of telling them I think they are good looking or complimenting them on certain talents they have. I'm very nice but I do not ever go over-board in any way, shape or form. Conversation with me is very straight forward and to the point with some friendly and maybe slightly flirty banter thrown in.

I've noticed most men seem to be much more forward, at least compared to me. The compliments can be downright awkard! I'm wondering if this is typical? And if so, I'm wondering if it's because men are known to think with their little head lol! Is sex drive the engine behind the compliments? (I'm sure some women can be like this too and would love to hear stories about that!) Or is it just plain ole interest? Or can it be manipulation and if so, how do you know when it's crossing over into manipulation?

I react negatively to some of this stuff. Like it's just too much to say to someone you've never met and have only messaged with for a few days. But then I stop and question myself because I know it's something that's just very different than my way of doing things and then I feel bad about thinking negatively about them!

I've been told I'm sort of on the cold side when it comes to showing affection in my relationships and I do admit it takes me much longer to warm up to the level most men have shown me right away. I need to build some trust first, before I start baring my heart and telling them how I really see them. So I guess, in a way, compliments just don't come easily for me because I see it as a form real intimacy.

Thoughts? Am I just cold lol?
 

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Ok, I'm going to begin by saying that as far as being affectionate goes I can come off as really standoff-ish when I first start talking to someone. I say this when comparing myself to how some men seem to converse, how some of them can come off which can be rather forward in my opinion. I do not shower them with compliments outside of telling them I think they are good looking or complimenting them on certain talents they have. I'm very nice but I do not ever go over-board in any way, shape or form. Conversation with me is very straight forward and to the point with some friendly and maybe slightly flirty banter thrown in.

I've noticed most men seem to be much more forward, at least compared to me. The compliments can be downright awkard! I'm wondering if this is typical? And if so, I'm wondering if it's because men are known to think with their little head lol! Is sex drive the engine behind the compliments? (I'm sure some women can be like this too and would love to hear stories about that!) Or is it just plain ole interest? Or can it be manipulation and if so, how do you know when it's crossing over into manipulation?

I react negatively to some of this stuff. Like it's just too much to say to someone you've never met and have only messaged with for a few days. But then I stop and question myself because I know it's something that's just very different than my way of doing things and then I feel bad about thinking negatively about them!

I've been told I'm sort of on the cold side when it comes to showing affection in my relationships and I do admit it takes me much longer to warm up to the level most men have shown me right away. I need to build some trust first, before I start baring my heart and telling them how I really see them. So I guess, in a way, compliments just don't come easily for me because I see it as a form real intimacy.

Thoughts? Am I just cold lol?
Do you have some specific examples of what they say that makes you react negatively? And what is something specific that you would say that is complimentary, that you can't say until you have built trust?

It's difficult for me to understand what you are talking about without specific examples.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Do you have some specific examples of what they say that makes you react negatively? And what is something specific that you would say that is complimentary, that you can't say until you have built trust?

It's difficult for me to understand what you are talking about without specific examples.
Sure. I'm talking to someone now who was injured last week and has been down for the count. He may need surgery. Didn't hear from him again till today and he tells me he missed me and calls me his angel saying he wishes I could nurse him back to health. I ask how his pain is and he says he couldn't hold me as tight as he would want but it wouldn't be from lack of effort. We've never met! He's been hot and heavy on the compliments from day one.

I'm wondering if I'm just squirmy. My intitial reaction to his messages today was that they were over the top but I question if I'm just cold. I was raised in a family that never showed affection.
 

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And if so, I'm wondering if it's because men are known to think with their little head lol! Is sex drive the engine behind the compliments?
Sometimes, yes.

This is why when I meet someone I really want to date, I bring my A game, and my A game is more restraining myself than anything. Stay cool RD, cool calm and collected. Flirty, but never overbearing, confident, but not arrogant. Words chosen carefully, staying composed.

Otherwise I become a creep.
 

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Woah. That’s weird.

I would never think to say those things to someone I haven’t even met yet. I can’t imagine saying something like that without at least dating for a long time with someone I actually love.

I didn’t know there are guys out there that do that. Ewww… I’d steer clear of that type. That reeks of desperation.
 

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I'm the same. I'm cool and collected at the beginning. I hate a lot of compliments when the guy doesn't really know me. I would accept appearance compliments, but not about my personality because it takes time to get to know me.

I remember breaking up with a guy who told me I was the love of his life after a month of dating. It made me feel smothered and pressured to love him back. It was too much for me.

I completely understand how you feel. I don't think the guy is good for you.
 

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Ok, I'm going to begin by saying that as far as being affectionate goes I can come off as really standoff-ish when I first start talking to someone. I say this when comparing myself to how some men seem to converse, how some of them can come off which can be rather forward in my opinion. I do not shower them with compliments outside of telling them I think they are good looking or complimenting them on certain talents they have. I'm very nice but I do not ever go over-board in any way, shape or form. Conversation with me is very straight forward and to the point with some friendly and maybe slightly flirty banter thrown in.

I've noticed most men seem to be much more forward, at least compared to me. The compliments can be downright awkard! I'm wondering if this is typical? And if so, I'm wondering if it's because men are known to think with their little head lol! Is sex drive the engine behind the compliments? (I'm sure some women can be like this too and would love to hear stories about that!) Or is it just plain ole interest? Or can it be manipulation and if so, how do you know when it's crossing over into manipulation?

I react negatively to some of this stuff. Like it's just too much to say to someone you've never met and have only messaged with for a few days. But then I stop and question myself because I know it's something that's just very different than my way of doing things and then I feel bad about thinking negatively about them!

I've been told I'm sort of on the cold side when it comes to showing affection in my relationships and I do admit it takes me much longer to warm up to the level most men have shown me right away. I need to build some trust first, before I start baring my heart and telling them how I really see them. So I guess, in a way, compliments just don't come easily for me because I see it as a form real intimacy.

Thoughts? Am I just cold lol?
I'm the same way! Heck, I have a hard time saying ILY, especially now I'm a bit jaded about that. Ironically, the only person who ever did that was my exH... I was young and stupid at the time and totally fell for it 😆 .

If that came out of a grown man's mouth, I'd run away so fast!🏃‍♀️
 

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First time I said ILY to my last ex was an accident. She heard it, but didn't mention it. Me either. Until later lol. It was like OOPS >.<!

We were dating several months though and were already intimate.
 

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Sure. I'm talking to someone now who was injured last week and has been down for the count. He may need surgery. Didn't hear from him again till today and he tells me he missed me and calls me his angel saying he wishes I could nurse him back to health. I ask how his pain is and he says he couldn't hold me as tight as he would want but it wouldn't be from lack of effort. We've never met! He's been hot and heavy on the compliments from day one.

I'm wondering if I'm just squirmy. My intitial reaction to his messages today was that they were over the top but I question if I'm just cold. I was raised in a family that never showed affection.
Woman here but yes the over forward stuff usually takes me aback.

I cringe when I read that men expect sex the 1st date or by date 3 or they assume women just aren't into them and move on.

I think this is simply a symptom of that. He's being overly affectionate with someone he really doesn't know hoping there will be sex soon or the first time you meet. If you aren't into that kind of thing I'd just move on.
 

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Woman here but yes the over forward stuff usually takes me aback.

I cringe when I read that men expect sex the 1st date or by date 3 or they assume women just aren't into them and move on.

I think this is simply a symptom of that. He's being overly affectionate with someone he really doesn't know hoping there will be sex soon or the first time you meet. If you aren't into that kind of thing I'd just move on.
Sometimes they have a point though, I was date 5 with the last one and didn't get to first base. After I decided to become friends turns out the feeling was quite mutual. So they were right.
 

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Sometimes they have a point though, I was date 5 with the last one and didn't get to first base. After I decided to become friends turns out the feeling was quite mutual. So they were right.
The last one didn't give any indications of actually fancying you. There's a big difference between no sex and no hand holding or kissing.

But whatever... No skin off my nose if the men who only think sex is important move on after the 1st date. I want a more robust and fulfilling relationship. And since I'm not currently dating anyway it's just my point of view. The same men who expect sex very soon will talk trash about the town bicycle so it's a fine line I"m not walking...
 

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The last one didn't give any indications of actually fancying you. There's a big difference between no sex and no hand holding or kissing.

But whatever... No skin off my nose if the men who only think sex is important move on after the 1st date. I want a more robust and fulfilling relationship. And since I'm not currently dating anyway it's just my point of view. The same men who expect sex very soon will talk trash about the town bicycle so it's a fine line I"m not walking...
Sex sure, but men should expect other forms of affection, hand holding, eventual kiss. JMO :whistle:
 

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I like warmth and affection. If it feels insincere, it is a turn off but if you think there's a possibility he might feasibly find those things about you attractive, consider the possibility someone who has met you might be genuine. It's hard to give compliments. I feel forward if I give too many upfront but am sure to compliment them about something- whether it's a personality trait or something like the fact that they obviously put time and effort into getting ready for our date. I might look for something genuine that I like about them and compliment that so it feels more comfortable until I get to know them.
 

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Sure. I'm talking to someone now who was injured last week and has been down for the count. He may need surgery. Didn't hear from him again till today and he tells me he missed me and calls me his angel saying he wishes I could nurse him back to health. I ask how his pain is and he says he couldn't hold me as tight as he would want but it wouldn't be from lack of effort. We've never met! He's been hot and heavy on the compliments from day one.

I'm wondering if I'm just squirmy. My intitial reaction to his messages today was that they were over the top but I question if I'm just cold. I was raised in a family that never showed affection.
I have no idea if it's typical of online dating. However, as you said, you've never met. For what it's worth, I think self-reflection and observing 'feedback' can be good and healthy - yet also trusting yourself can be good and healthy. In this instance, my suggestion to you would be not to doubt yourself. That style of interaction isn't vibing with you and perhaps causing your spidey senses to tingle. Go with that. Question him/them (as you are), not yourself.

And for good measure with context, I am prone to giving sincere and sometimes playful compliments to those I'm closer with and who know me well enough to not misconstrue the intention. I'm also good with receiving sincere and sometimes playful compliments too; usually with an accepted thank you, and occasionally with self-deprecating joking banter. If I compliment someone I don't know, thinking along the lines of receiving customer service, I'm likely to comment along the lines of 'That's really thoughtful and considerate of you. Thank you.' Although recently with receiving customer service while shopping for furniture the sales guy came across as too needy / had been through a sales-training weekend workshop or something (and which I recognize is him just doing his job) but he started launching into too much even though I'd told him all that I needed with browsing at that point. I halted him from going through all the various options and detail and with a gentle tone told him it wasn't my first rodeo (shopping for this). While I don't presume to know everything, I'm in my 40s and felt like he was launching into some considerations like I was just moving out of home for the first time (which I did at 18). Thankfully he took the message well, chuckled, and replied 'You're telling me to back off. No problem. If you need anything let me know.'

With that in mind, reading what you shared and putting myself in your shoes it would have me thinking 'nope'. I'm trying to pinpoint why; other than I kind of feel like I'm too 'seasoned' for such shenanigans - and that's how I would interpret it. Alongside my assumption that he's likely talking to several people (not saying that's an issue necessarily) and likely refers to everyone with 'names of affection' like 'angel' to keep it easier. In summary, trust yourself. It's not your first rodeo.
 
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...he tells me he missed me and calls me his angel saying he wishes I could nurse him back to health. I ask how his pain is and he says he couldn't hold me as tight as he would want but it wouldn't be from lack of effort. We've never met! He's been hot and heavy on the compliments from day one.

I'm wondering if I'm just squirmy. My intitial reaction to his messages today was that they were over the top but I question if I'm just cold. I was raised in a family that never showed affection.
To add, rightly or wrongly, I'd just interpret that he wants to get to sexting with you.
 
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