Meomers: Do you think that your husband's behaviors and actions today are directly related to the 3 month affair you had back in 2009? I'm wondering if he never got over it and this is either a revenge or exit affair in his part. I wouldn't be surprised if he might be trying to cause you the same pain and hurt that he felt when you had a lover (I'm not saying that it's right). I can't help but feel it's related. The real sad thing is that there is now a child involved. Have you had any conversations about this?
I have questioned this. When we were together, there were no indications. We talked about it, he had said he had forgiven me. We never really raised the issue.
He had come to me and told me he needed space. He needed it for our marriage, he didn't want a divorce but he was really depressed. I had tried talking to him but to no avail. This was on July 5th. The next day he essentially said the same thing, he was willing to do anything it took to work on us except counseling and that he still loved me. It was about two weeks later that I found it. When he confronted me on that knowledge, he said that he didn't love me anymore and there was nothing that could be done.
As for the OW, she is a girl really. 21, not married. She has been out of the country since the end of august. She is coming back in less than two weeks. Everything that happened, he claims happened between july 5th and August 23rd. The night I found out, I talked to his mom. I told her everything. I think it might have been a bad idea. I think she has been trying to cover up for him.
There really isn't anyone else to expose to. My family knows. My closest friends know.
Yesterday, I hit my breaking point. He dropped off our son. He had been using my car because I can't until Jan and the vehicle he was using broke down. I took my keys back and told him I was filing for divorce. It isn't a ploy to get him to come back. I love my husband so much but I can't be in this limbo anymore and I don't know what else to do. I have broken off all contact with him. I know that this could drive him into her arms, I just need something else. I need to not feel like some girl is more important than his family. I can't believe is still choosing her over us.