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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi all,

In late October I met a guy online via a dating site. It's a bit of a tricky situation - I was on the site doing research for work and he was on there looking for a relationship. I live in Australia and he lives in the US, I was using a US site as that is what we needed to research and didn't really think I would be doing anything to actually meet someone.

Anyway, long story short, he asked me out on a date and obviously I had to decline due to a few things actually... #1 I live in Australia and #2 I just cancelled a wedding with the man I'd been with for seven years because we no longer had any spark left.

So we got talking anyway and realised within two or three days that we had a huge amount in common. We have a lot of the same interests and values and we are born on the same day (which probably explains why we are into so many of the same things). Things escalated pretty quickly and after only a week we were talking about meeting up IRL. I don't know if we were both serious at that point or not but last week I booked a two week holiday to the US, I arrive on the 19th January (about three months after we first started talking).

We Skype a few times a week, talk on the phone and online every day...We are pretty much inseparable. We have both said 'I love you' and honestly, I do love him - I have never felt like this before in my life. He said he has not told a woman that he loves her for over 10 years, if that is true then this is a big deal for him too. I hang to see his name in my inbox and get disappointed if for some reason we don't get to talk on the phone. He is all I think about and he is the same with me. I have a text waiting for me every morning when I wake up, he cannot tell me enough how beautiful I am, he showers me with love.

So this is where you guys come in... My friends and family have a few major concerns and I know they are just trying to protect me but at the same time I'm so love sick that I can't see if what they are saying is right... Their concerns:

The age difference, I am 12 years younger than him.
The distance.
The fact that he was looking for a relationship and I wasn't.
The fact that I may be 'On the rebound'.
The fact that he hasn't really had many long term girlfriends before. He says this is because he has not found anyone worth being in a long term relationship with and I believe him, but friends say that is a red flag and I should wonder why he really hasn't had a relationship.
The fact that this has happened so quickly.

On top of this he is European, just living in US for work. I have never dated a European man before and I have heard they tend to be super critical about their women. Obviously he has seen me on video and in pictures but like any other woman I have my lumps and bumps and after being with someone for so long who loved me just the way I was I guess I'm scared he is going to be super critical of that and lose interest...Not that there is anything majorly wrong with my body, I guess just after being with someone for so long I lack confidence with other men. I mean, everything else with us is perfect, this would be my only concern. Also the fact that I go to the gym like once a week and he sees a trainer three times a week and runs 10 miles each non-trainer day - So having a perfect body is a major thing for him. Will he care if his woman has a few wobbles here and there? Ha.

Oh also, he is super excited that I'm coming. Was begging me to book and has told all his friends and family that I'm coming. Called me on Christmas day so I could speak to his mum etc. So he is very excited, as am I, I'm just a bit freaked now after all his friends and family have been so supportive and mine have been the opposite.

I'm just asking for anyones take on this. Have you done something similar before? Do you really think you can fall in love with someone online in such a short amount of time? Any tips for actually staying with him in his home for two weeks, a may who has never lived with a woman before? Do you guys thing that long-distance love like this could work? Any advice on European men and their traits? Ha.

Any advice, ideas, outtakes would be much appreciated. I'm kind of regretting my decision to book as I'm over analyzing everything now haha!

Thank you!!!
 

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If you were my daughter Or my sister I would be scared to death of you traveling that far to meet someone. I wouldn't do it myself, but that's just me. I'm thinking more of your safety than the relationship.

Your friends and family concerns are extremely valid to me too. I don't know, with all the crazy stuff that you hear these days I would not even consider this.
 

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The cyber world is no different from the real world in some ways.
I have many friends I met and got to know online before meeting in person. I don't see it as anything to be scared of.

So, you meet him, maybe the chemistry works or maybe not. Only one way to find out.

Yes he could be a nutter. So could that dude you met in a local bar. So be a bit careful until you know him better.

If you look wt your other questions...age difference, rebound, etc, what would you do if he was there with you in Australia?
 

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Whatever you have with this person over long distance exists in a protected little bubble. When you visit, you'll be your vacation selves. At some point if you can cross the distance and survive to bring your relationship into cohabitation, you'll need to re-learn how to be a couple and it will be like starting anew. There will be many challenges.

It is very easy to hide things this way. Some of what he has said sound suspect already. Run a background check on him. Be very, very aware of red flags, suspicions, or things that don't add up. I'm not doubting your feelings, just saying that this could go very badly in ways you won't expect. If you're meeting a total stranger, be sure someone knows how to reach you and knows where you are and how to GPS track your phone if you go missing.
 
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The fact that he hasn't really had many long term girlfriends before.
This to me is the biggest red flag.

He's better in the cyber world than he is in real life.

When you do meet him be safe. Make it be in a VERY public place surrounded by lots of people. Make sure EVERYONE knows exactly where you are.
 

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I could never be "in love" with a person I have never met face-to-face.

Please be careful as others have said.
 

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I know that what I am about to say may not be true for this situation, BUT it just came into my mind when I read this thread.

I know a man who works for the Sheriff's department here and his job involves internet sex crimes. I think it's mainly catching grown men soliciting sex from minors but he does other things too. He catches people dealing in Porn stuff, I really dont know what else.

Anyway, long story short, we had him come to the school and talk about internet safety with the students. He told them of a case where he posed as a female minor and a man flew her (HIM) to his state for sex. When they arrived at the airport the man was standing there with roses in his hands. Of course they busted him and when the police searched his trunk he had rope, duct tape, trash bags and so on. He was clearly planning to do something horrific. Crazy!!! There were many more stories just like this.

Can you watch MTV there? Have you ever watched the new show called "Catfish"? It's interesting because people can say they are one thing and totally be lying to you about everything.

I know that this may seem extreme, but before I ever did anything like that I would pay to do a full background check on him. This is way different than just meeting someone for a drink at a local bar. You are talking about flying to another country. I know it's to the U.S. but just as a warning, we have some really messed up people here!

This just has red flags all over it to me, but as you can see I am very suspicious of things like this.

What does your GUT tell you? I always say so with your gut instinct. You must be questioning it somewhat because you came here for advice.
 

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I know that what I am about to say may not be true for this situation, BUT it just came into my mind when I read this thread.

I know a man who works for the Sheriff's department here and his job involves internet sex crimes. I think it's mainly catching grown men soliciting sex from minors but he does other things too. He catches people dealing in Porn stuff, I really dont know what else.

Anyway, long story short, we had him come to the school and talk about internet safety with the students. He told them of a case where he posed as a young woman and a man flew her (HIM) to his state. When they arrived the man was standing there with roses in his hands. Of course they busted him and when the police searched his trunk he had rope, duct tape, trash bags and so on. He was clearly planning to do something horrific. Crazy!!! There were many more stories just like this.

Can you watch MTV there? Have you ever watched the new show called "Catfish"? It's interesting because people can say they are one thing and totally be lying to you about everything.

I know that this may seem extreme, but before I ever did anything like that I would pay to do a full background check on him. This is way different than just meeting someone for a drink at a local bar. You are talking about flying to another country. I know it's to the U.S. but just as a warning, we have some really messed up people here!

This just has red flags all over it to me, but as you can see I am very suspicious of things like this.

What does your GUT tell you? I always say so with your gut instinct. You must be questioning it somewhat because you came here for advice.
No its not extreme its very smart!
 

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I know that what I am about to say may not be true for this situation, BUT it just came into my mind when I read this thread.

I know a man who works for the Sheriff's department here and his job involves internet sex crimes. I think it's mainly catching grown men soliciting sex from minors but he does other things too. He catches people dealing in Porn stuff, I really dont know what else.

Anyway, long story short, we had him come to the school and talk about internet safety with the students. He told them of a case where he posed as a female minor and a man flew her (HIM) to his state for sex. When they arrived at the airport the man was standing there with roses in his hands. Of course they busted him and when the police searched his trunk he had rope, duct tape, trash bags and so on. He was clearly planning to do something horrific. Crazy!!! There were many more stories just like this.

Can you watch MTV there? Have you ever watched the new show called "Catfish"? It's interesting because people can say they are one thing and totally be lying to you about everything.

I know that this may seem extreme, but before I ever did anything like that I would pay to do a full background check on him. This is way different than just meeting someone for a drink at a local bar. You are talking about flying to another country. I know it's to the U.S. but just as a warning, we have some really messed up people here!

This just has red flags all over it to me, but as you can see I am very suspicious of things like this.

What does your GUT tell you? I always say so with your gut instinct. You must be questioning it somewhat because you came here for advice.
This is all stuff you need to consider in a face to face relationship too.

It is good advice though, and needs to be considered.
 

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Ok, I am going to go to the "other" side now lol. Yes, you ABSOLUTELY need to be careful, there is no question about it. However, it CAN work out for a couple who meets online. I met my husband online, December 1998. I was still attending college. I was 23, he was 17. In February 1999, I booked a flight over Spring Break and flew to meet him for the very first time, in person. I stayed with his family for that week. Everyone in my hometown was FREAKED OUT the whole time I was gone! It worked out for me, but this, obviously, is NOT always the case.

My dear girl, if you are having any misgivings about meeting him, then I would abort, or at the very least postpone any trip. Or, if you are willing to work this out, perhaps he could fly to Australia to meet you and your family first? The point of my post is that it CAN work out, but you need to be cautious, regardless. Good luck, no matter what you choose to do!
 

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We have a lot of the same interests and values and we are born on the same day (which probably explains why we are into so many of the same things).
Umm ... rationality check! ;)

Anyway, that aside, a word of caution.
It's very easy to over emotionalise things on-line. I think we tend to project our own hopes/expectations, in the absence of audio/visual cues.
Having experienced these things several times, I travelled a long way, on numerous occasions, to meet several girls. The relationships tended not to have the emotional depth I'd thought they'd had. They burned hot, but short.

(That's not to say they weren't fun while they lasted, or didn't hurt like hell when they ended.)

And I was a man, not a woman, so the potential physical risks were reduced for me, I think.

Do be careful, emotionally, as well as physically.
 

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I met my husband online. We lived 1100 miles apart. We met in a city halfway between us.

A few things to consider:

1. When you go to meet him, have a Plan B. Have funds available to find somewhere to stay, or to fly home.

2. Make sure you are in contact with someone back home. Make sure someone has your itenary and all of his information.

3. Go with the thought that this is a TRIAL. Just a meet-up. Whether it gets sexual or not is your choice. Go with the idea that this is NOT a commitment and that you can go home and back to your life.

4. I reserved judgement until I went to meet my H. I liked all that I knew about him, but I knew that in real life there may be no chemistry, or he may have some awful or annoying habits, or maybe he'd just smell bad. LOL So I didn't get emotionally invested until later.

It CAN be good... I think being long distance (after having met) allowed us, and maybe forced us to TALK about every issue. We spent so much time on the phone and chatting online, that we covered every and any topic we could imagine. Nothing was off-limits. We both came out of long marriages, so we discussed all the pros and cons, the baggage, everything...sexual, emotional, financial, psychological, ....everything under the sun.

It paid off. 7 years later.... we are married. Our communication is awesome....there is nothing that we can't discuss.

Bottom line.... go into this with your eyes wide open!
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Hi there,

Thanks for the advice… Was great to see other opinions on all of this before my trip.

Now that I’ve been and I’m back home now I thought I’d post an update on the situation…

Everything went REALLY well. He picked me up from the airport, and greeted me with a beautiful bunch of flowers and a giant hug. We were both super nervous but there were no awkward or weird moments and straight away we both agreed it felt as though we’d been life long friends. I did end up staying with him and it worked out really well, we synced unbelievably well.

We spent the next two weeks staring into each others eyes whilst holding hands and probably making everyone around us sick. I met a lot of his friends who were all really lovely and got to see what he is into and where he tends to hang out. We had a lot of fun, I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so much in my life.

Talk about having the same taste, nearly every time we ate out we chose the same food off the menu… we even have the same dinner set and linens.

He was perfect, better than I could have ever imagined and he said he feels the same about me. We both cried at the airport when I had to leave and agreed that he will come here in the next month or so then we will discuss where we go to from here.
 

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I know many couples who met online. Nothing wrong with that.

But I think you two should give yourself a bit more time to discuss about many other things that are concerning you. Maybe not directly, but you can ask him about things that puzzle you. About his previous relationships...Why they broke, how, who was responsible...

I would also suggest you to be careful, but I also know how difficult it is when you are in love. Anyways, if whole thing will not turn out as good as you expected, it will be another valuable life lesson, right?
 
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