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Well,probably she will. But,you are not going to do anything about it. So,dont torture ypur self. Just let her do what she wants to do and that is it. If you won't demand truth,won't divorce,wont do anything about it,why are you here? Just accept it as it is and live your life like you are living now untill you die of old age. Im not brave eather,but I would rather die that live my live in suspition and agony. So,if I were you,I would divorce her and find some lovely lady who would be a great mother to your douther and a loving wife to you. And you are forgeting one thing. What if she has her next affair with some single guy who wants to be with her,marry her? Then,in that wery moment she would be gone. She will divorce you and be happy with some other guy. Anf you,you will only be older and less atractive then you are now. So,dont be afraid,divorce and find someone to spend a happy life with. Dont torture your self any more. Live is too short to be waisted like that.
 

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I found something interesting. We had to do credit checks. So the bank gave me a copy of hers and mine credit report. She had more than 2,500 on a store credit card she never told me about. She said that was for Christmas and apologized for not telling me. But worse than that was her student loans. Before we married she had 15k in student loans. After she was pregnant she told me it was 30k. Anyway after looking at her credit report it said she has 38k in student loans remaining. Which means she had probably closer to 50k when were married. We married 6 years ago.
Ouch! She has never really been trustworthy, has she?
 

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Hi everybody just update. So I have decided, mainly due to cowardice, I am going to stay with my wife for now. I have given myself the excuse I am doing it to protect my children.

Anyway in early January I guess out of the blue my wife said "lets move to town A." I said okay. Now she had never wanted to move to town A in the past. She even said she hated Town A and would never live there. I love Town A. Only place in the world I want to live. So imagine my surprise when all of a sudden she wanted to move there. I just said "fine."

In May on 2019 we finally moved to Town A. My best friend said to me "Dude why would she all of a sudden want to move to Town A. She said she hated it. Sounds like she is running from something." I agreed. He wondered if she had had an affair. I agreed with him totally.

Anyway we now live in Town A and says she loves it and could not imagine living anywhere else. I just "sure" or something similar.

She is now overseas with the kids visiting family members. She will be back at the end of the month. Yes I am sure she will be coming back. She says she is happy. In fairness she does seem happier in this town.

Oh and gets better. When we were between houses. That is waiting to move into our new house in Town A I found something interesting. We had to do credit checks. So the bank gave me a copy of hers and mine credit report. She had more than 2,500 on a store credit card she never told me about. She said that was for Christmas and apologized for not telling me. But worse than that was her student loans. Before we married she had 15k in student loans. After she was pregnant she told me it was 30k. Anyway after looking at her credit report it said she has 38k in student loans remaining. Which means she had probably closer to 50k when were married. We married 6 years ago.

Anyway that's where I am at. Thanks all for you input. As I said I am staying as I lack the courage to leave. However, I feel that since you were all kind enough to give your input I wanted to tell you where I am at now.
I figure if she cheated once, she will do it again.
She can't be trusted. On anything.

Protect yourself, protect your children.
 

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Hi everybody just update. So I have decided, mainly due to cowardice, I am going to stay with my wife for now. I have given myself the excuse I am doing it to protect my children.

Anyway in early January I guess out of the blue my wife said "lets move to town A." I said okay. Now she had never wanted to move to town A in the past. She even said she hated Town A and would never live there. I love Town A. Only place in the world I want to live. So imagine my surprise when all of a sudden she wanted to move there. I just said "fine."

In May on 2019 we finally moved to Town A. My best friend said to me "Dude why would she all of a sudden want to move to Town A. She said she hated it. Sounds like she is running from something." I agreed. He wondered if she had had an affair. I agreed with him totally.

Anyway we now live in Town A and says she loves it and could not imagine living anywhere else. I just "sure" or something similar.

She is now overseas with the kids visiting family members. She will be back at the end of the month. Yes I am sure she will be coming back. She says she is happy. In fairness she does seem happier in this town.

Oh and gets better. When we were between houses. That is waiting to move into our new house in Town A I found something interesting. We had to do credit checks. So the bank gave me a copy of hers and mine credit report. She had more than 2,500 on a store credit card she never told me about. She said that was for Christmas and apologized for not telling me. But worse than that was her student loans. Before we married she had 15k in student loans. After she was pregnant she told me it was 30k. Anyway after looking at her credit report it said she has 38k in student loans remaining. Which means she had probably closer to 50k when were married. We married 6 years ago.

Anyway that's where I am at. Thanks all for you input. As I said I am staying as I lack the courage to leave. However, I feel that since you were all kind enough to give your input I wanted to tell you where I am at now.
I figure if she cheated once, she will do it again.
Or running TO something...or someone...
 

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Brother, glad to see the update, but really what has changed other than location?
Still unsure if she and the paramedic fly boy did proceed to a PA. Still content to be in a relationship that you state you are only remaining in for your little one.
Is there no room in your marriage for what you want or need out of the marriage?
Either way, take care, look after DD as well as yourself. At least get Your spouse to give you a accurate account of her outstanding credit debt including her student loans. You don’t want to end up bankrupt.

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Kettle,

Your posts remind me of a song by Steve Warriner, “Some Fools Never Learn”........ my last advice to you is to listen to some of the season posters on here. Hell at this point simply ask her about Cute Copter Boy. Tell her someone from your work told me you were carrying on with him....watch her reaction. Then pose one question to her “Why?”.
 

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Anyway that's where I am at. Thanks all for you input. As I said I am staying as I lack the courage to leave. However, I feel that since you were all kind enough to give your input I wanted to tell you where I am at now.
I figure if she cheated once, she will do it again.
Courage is not inborn. Courage is something that can be acquired. You seem to place a low value on yourself. That can also be changed.

Are you in individual counseling (IC)? If not, I think it is imperative that you find a counselor that you connect with who can help you to grow in recognizing your value as a human being and to gain courage. This is not so you can leave your marriage, but so you can grow and be a man who is happy being you and able to set healthy boundaries in relationships, not only with your wife, but all around you. You don't have to live like this forever. It can be a temporary situation. Don't resign yourself to a life of misery. Learn and grow.
 

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my fear is that you are rewarding her for bad behavior so while you may want to stay for the kids sake why must you let her behavior badly and get away with it...not sure i understand at all.
 

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Looks like old Kettle accepted his lot in life and he's making the best out of his situation. When your wife starts talking about the cute big guy who is 5-8 and weighs 148 lbs its already too late. When he talked about his V-stretcher, he wasn't referring to medical equipment.
 
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Discussion Starter #135
Brother, glad to see the update, but really what has changed other than location?
Still unsure if she and the paramedic fly boy did proceed to a PA. Still content to be in a relationship that you state you are only remaining in for your little one.
Is there no room in your marriage for what you want or need out of the marriage?
Either way, take care, look after DD as well as yourself. At least get Your spouse to give you a accurate account of her outstanding credit debt including her student loans. You don’t want to end up bankrupt.

Buffer
Nothing has changed other than location TBH. Your points are on point.

Kettle,

Your posts remind me of a song by Steve Warriner, “Some Fools Never Learn”........ my last advice to you is to listen to some of the season posters on here. Hell at this point simply ask her about Cute Copter Boy. Tell her someone from your work told me you were carrying on with him....watch her reaction. Then pose one question to her “Why?”.
This is a good idea about saying somebody from work mentioned him and her to me. I know an old army buddy who works for the same company. He may even know him. I think I know who the guy maybe after looking online. I am not 100% certain.

Courage is not inborn. Courage is something that can be acquired. You seem to place a low value on yourself. That can also be changed.

Are you in individual counseling (IC)? If not, I think it is imperative that you find a counselor that you connect with who can help you to grow in recognizing your value as a human being and to gain courage. This is not so you can leave your marriage, but so you can grow and be a man who is happy being you and able to set healthy boundaries in relationships, not only with your wife, but all around you. You don't have to live like this forever. It can be a temporary situation. Don't resign yourself to a life of misery. Learn and grow.
Good points and I need to be counseling. You are right.

my fear is that you are rewarding her for bad behavior so while you may want to stay for the kids sake why must you let her behavior badly and get away with it...not sure i understand at all.
You are right. I am absolutely rewarding her bad behavior.

Looks like old Kettle accepted his lot in life and he's making the best out of his situation. When your wife starts talking about the cute big guy who is 5-8 and weighs 148 lbs its already too late. When he talked about his V-stretcher, he wasn't referring to medical equipment.
You are right. Although, I think, not sure that I may know who the guy is now after looking online. If so he is big and good looking. Funny thing was before we were married we had a huge argument and I though 'F' this. I am done. I walked out of the apartment at the time. I thought, I better wait and see if she is pregnant. A week later she took a test and she was. I put on a happy face, inside I about crumpled up as I knew I would stay with her.
 

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Although the thread is a bit confusing I think that is due to his WW lying about everything, and as a result it is making the poster feel and act crazy, since he can no longer believe reality.

I do feel for him when his WW is in a foreign country with the kids God only knows what she is actually doing there spending money possibly on men or something.
 

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Under the circumstances it appears she moved to the new city to get away from someone - or to be near to someone.

You focused attention on the OM because of the gift of company logo clothing and she talked about him.
If she was having an affair, the fly boy may just be a misdirect to draw your attention away from some other man.

Although you have reason to be suspicious, I strongly suggest that you do not confront or show any change in your behavior towards her.
If she suspects you're suspicious she'll go underground with apps that auto delete messages or use a burner phone.

Let us know how she behaves after she returns. Does her work schedule give her opportunity to cheat? Does she pull away from you? Does she text constantly and hides the screen from you?
 

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I don't get it... not the first time... :laugh: The OP is staying in the marriage just for his kid... so, why does he care about the OM? :scratchhead:
 

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Good points and I need to be counseling. You are right.
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You need to be more assertive, and when you ask the hard question of yourself, why am l being a doormat. Because staying for the kids is just not worth it to live in shame like your are doing wringing your hands wondering what can I do so l don't feel bad. Get a grip on this.
 
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