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Hi all. I am a married man. Now as some of you know I remain in my marriage due to my child. I know, not a good reason, nevertheless that is why I am still in it I tell myself. A couple of years ago a guy where my wife works gave her a small gift. It was related to his work and consisted of a duffel bag with logo, baseball cap and a t-shirt. She likes flying and this gift had logos of the company he worked for printed on it. He is a aircraft crew member. I did not think to much of it, although if a man gives a woman a gift there is almost always something behind it IMO.


Obviously she has been speaking with this guy when he comes to the hospital every now and then with the helicopter.

Yesterday, she said to me "that big cute guy said I could go for a ride with him in the helicopter sometime." Now I don't believe she intended to use the word "cute" as soon as she said it the look on her face turned to shock. I did not say anything other than "that's cool" as I also was as shocked about her choice of words. I even said to myself she can't have said cute maybe she said "huge." Nope, my daughter looked at her mom and said "who is cute." So I know what I heard.

Obviously this is a HUGE red flag. Well I think it is. I spoke to a buddy of mine this morning and he said keep mouth shut and eyes and ears open. Which is what I am doing. Any other suggestions?
Another potential Red Flag that would be a similar, "sound-alike" word would be adjective, "nude".

Just be careful and please keep your eyes as open as are your ears!
 

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Hi all I am a married man. Now as some of you know I remain in my marriage due to my child. I know, not a good reason, nevertheless that is why I am still in it I tell myself.
You don't love your wife and don't really want to be married to her.

Have you been truthful to her about why you are still in the marriage?
 

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Well, if your marriage is just for show, why does it even matter to you?
"Well, if your marriage is just for show, why does it even matter to you?"

This
"Now as some of you know I remain in my marriage due to my child."

So why do you care what she does?
Hey, that is a really good idea.

I still wonder why he cares though....
Hey, that is a really good idea.

I still wonder why he cares though....
Why should he care you all ask? Well considering if she gets pregnant somehow and they are still married depending on where they live he could legally be presumed to be the father.

https://www.dhirschberglaw.com/in-florida-is-a-child-born-to-a-married-woman-presumed-to-be-her-husbands/
 

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You don't love your wife and don't really want to be married to her.

Have you been truthful to her about why you are still in the marriage?
This is the part that's confusing me. If you don't love your wife and you are together just for the kids, why are you upset about her being attracted to another man?
 

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People don’t “stay for the kids”. Few have such altruistic qualities.

They stay because they still love their spouse, don’t want to disrupt their lives, are scared to move on, hope their spouse will fall back in love with them, etc etc.

OP’s wife asked him if he minded if she went on a helicopter ride with a big cute guy at work (clearly a date), and his response was “yeah that’s cool”. It’s eating him up inside, yet he does what he’s been doing all along— nothing.

OP, if your wife no longer loves you, set her free. You’ll be setting yourself free, too.
Women aren’t as hard to find as you think.
You can find one that you’re attracted to that thinks the same of you. That’s better than what you’re doing now.

Your child will adapt. Happy apart parents would be better to adapt to to than unloving together parents.

If you do think your wife loves you, start showing some backbone and tell her how you feel. If you can’t tell your wife how you really feel, you need to get a new wife.
 

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No..she needs to get a new husband.
That's what I was thinking Lol! Don't know the whole story but clearly the Mrs. is not a happy wifey if she's doing and saying the things she is. What's the real issues here ??? The talk of cute guy in front of the husband is a result of marriage/relationship issues not the cause the way its looks to me.
 

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Big cute helicopter pilot? Does he have a sexy accent too?

I am not familiar with your situation, you are staying for the kid?
Is your wife aware of that? Is she staying for the kids too?
If it is an open marriage then it is different from a regular family, and you two should have boundaries for dating. And this is a date, unless he says bring along Kettle and liitle kid too.

What sort of work does he do in da chopper? If he is medi-vac, Coast guard, Police or Fire Dept, TV news, or exec/rich people transport that is sexier (but most likely off limits except for the bosses for dating flights) than flying above power lines all day for the DWP or spraying crops...
But at the end of the day he is still a cute big guy with access to a helicopter and is wants access to your wife.

Do you care?
 

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Why should he care you all ask? Well considering if she gets pregnant somehow and they are still married depending on where they live he could legally be presumed to be the father.

https://www.dhirschberglaw.com/in-florida-is-a-child-born-to-a-married-woman-presumed-to-be-her-husbands/
That's what happens when you're too chicken shyt to be alone. You get to raise, support, and sacrifice for some other guys kid that will likely kick you in tha azz one day..
 
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A couple of years ago a guy gives your wife gifts with his helicopter company logo on it. This same person who your wife thinks of as "that big cute guy" (this is probably how she refers to him with her coworkers) is now asking her if she wants to go on a helicopter ride with him. He had to make an effort on behalf of your wife to make both of these things happen. He is not doing this for the other woman that your wife works with, just for her. Why? The answer is that he thinks that your wife is just as cute as your wife thinks he is.

Google a helicopter ride company in your area and get available dates. Tell your wife that she should have told you that she wanted to ride in a helicopter, and that you think that it would be a fun and romantic date for the two of you to go on. Then tell her that there is now no good reason for her to go on the ride with "that big cute guy", unless spending time with this other man is the real reason that she wants to go.
I was thinking something similar, like 'that's kind of him to ask us, when can we go'' Act dumb and assume you are all invited.
 

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Hi all I am a married man. Now as some of you know I remain in my marriage due to my child. I know, not a good reason, nevertheless that is why I am still in it I tell myself. A couple of years ago a guy where my wife works gave her a small gift. It was related to his work and consisted of a duffel bag with logo, baseball cap and a t-shirt. She likes flying and this gift had logos of the company he worked for printed on it. He is a aircraft crew member. I did not think to much of it, although if a man gives a woman a gift there is almost always something behind it IMO.


Obviously she has been speaking with this guy when he comes to the hospital every now and then with the helicopter.

Yesterday, she said to me "that big cute guy said I could go for a ride with him in the helicopter sometime." Now I don't believe she intended to use the word "cute" as soon as she said it the look on her face turned to shock. I did not say anything other than "that's cool" as I also was a shocked about her choice of words. I even said to myself she cant have said cute maybe she said huge. Nope, my daughter looked at her mom and said "who is cute." So I know what I heard.

Obviously this is a HUGE red flag. Well I think it is. I spoke to a buddy of mine this morning and he said keep mouth shut and eyes and ears open. Which is what I am doing. Any other suggestions?
Maybe a good reply would be " no problem, babe. This hot girl that I work with, she asked me to go to lunch. It's nice being wanted, isn't it?''

Then, keep your mouth shut and walk away.

Of course, I'm joking, kind of. lol But, sometimes people have to see how ridiculous they sound.

There is nothing wrong however, in noticing the opposite sex and finding them attractive, but to act on this guy's advances, would be very wrong of your wife, and would send him the message that she's interested. And unfortunately, there are a lot of people who don't care if someone else is married. :(
 

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Kettle,

You know damn good and well something is going on or you would not be here. Secondly, if you are not in love with her as you have stated and you are only staying for your daughter, I have to wonder why you even care? Your position on this matter is grossly illogical. I will be you a six pack of your favorite beer there has been something going on between copter boy and your wife. Deep down you already know.

You are getting the VAR so I will ask you why? She very likely knows you are not in love with her, she is likely not in love with you or she and copter boy would not be so chummy. Therefore, why stay married and go to all of the trouble you are going to? You are not being fair to your wife in my opinion. Why stay married to someone you do not love?
 

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Exactly, Lonely Husband. My question is if he catches her handling copter boy's cyclic stick, what the hell is he going to do about it. Besides, who can blame her for searching for a replacement, either temporary or permanently. Just because her wants to hang around only for the kids doesn't means she's got to sign on for his deal. If he doesn't like her diddling around with other guys, hit the trail.
 

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Nip it in the bud. Obviously your wife likes the attention he is giving her and is encouraging it by accepting gifts. Since the gifts she has been chatting with him regularly.

Tell her a helicopter ride sounds like fun but his attention to her and her reciprocating has definitely gone too far, so ask when do you ALL go. She what she says then.
Better yet: ask when he is taking her and you.

This man wants to get into your WW's pants. End of story time to shut the
OM relationship down. Wives have no business taking gifts from men.
 

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I’m not concerned with the gift. If it’s a company bag with a logo, a T-shirt and a ball cap it doesn’t sound personal, rather most likely something they have laying around to give to people. But I work in purchasing and get these types of “gifts” all the time.

When my husband worked at a soft drink company, I gave a male coworker some “clothing swag” that I got from my husband because he’d asked me a couple times if I could get him some stuff.

Definitely mouth closed and eyes open on the rest though.
 

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While I see some Red Flags here on both her part and your's OP, I think we need more information before we can proceed. The question is, what do you want? Do you want out of this Marriage and want to use this as the excuse needed to do that? Or, do you want to save your Marriage? If so, Why? That 'just for the kids' excuse is just that. An excuse. You need to determine if you still love this woman and if you find that you do, then you need to put the breaks on this with a quickness. If you don't love her then you need to put the breaks on this sham of a Marriage with a quickness. While its nice if you were honest with us on this, the person you need to be honest most with is yourself. So you need to start asking yourself some questions first before you proceed.
 
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