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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Hi all I am a married man. Now as some of you know I remain in my marriage due to my child. I know, not a good reason, nevertheless that is why I am still in it I tell myself. A couple of years ago a guy where my wife works gave her a small gift. It was related to his work and consisted of a duffel bag with logo, baseball cap and a t-shirt. She likes flying and this gift had logos of the company he worked for printed on it. He is a aircraft crew member. I did not think to much of it, although if a man gives a woman a gift there is almost always something behind it IMO.


Obviously she has been speaking with this guy when he comes to the hospital every now and then with the helicopter.

Yesterday, she said to me "that big cute guy said I could go for a ride with him in the helicopter sometime." Now I don't believe she intended to use the word "cute" as soon as she said it the look on her face turned to shock. I did not say anything other than "that's cool" as I also was a shocked about her choice of words. I even said to myself she cant have said cute maybe she said huge. Nope, my daughter looked at her mom and said "who is cute." So I know what I heard.

Obviously this is a HUGE red flag. Well I think it is. I spoke to a buddy of mine this morning and he said keep mouth shut and eyes and ears open. Which is what I am doing. Any other suggestions?

EDIT: Helicopter guy is not a pilot. He is a paramedic in the back of the medical evacuation chopper. Now I also looked at the company website and it states they can give "ride alongs" to emergency room personnel which my wife is as she is a nurse at the hospital.

EDIT2: Discovered wife had an extra 5000 dollars of credit card debt she tried to keep from me. Some from before we were married and some just after.

EDIT3: 2-3 weeks ago I found a credit card when I was going to buy stuff for our camping trip. Wife said grab it out of my purse. I pulled out the "wrong" one. She looked startled and said of that is an old before we were married and does not work. So, 3 minutes ago I tried it online hoping it would not work. Surprise, surprise it worked! Card is still active despite the lie she told me.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Ok so I am missing the point?

Are you worried he is a predator?

Are you worried he is trying to get to you by being nice to your kid?

No I am worried that he and my wife are attracted to one another and an affair may be in the works. As a married man I would never invite a married woman out, even if it is a night flight in a helicopter, nor would I give a woman gifts.

Am I overreacting do you think?
 

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Now as some of you know I remain in my marriage due to my child. I know, not a good reason, nevertheless that is why I am still in it I tell myself. A couple of years ago a guy where my work gave her a small gift. It was related to his work and consisted of a duffel bag with logo, baseball cap and a t-shirt. She likes flying and this gift had logos of the company he worked for printed on it. He is a aircraft crew member. I did not think to much of it, although if a man gives a woman a gift there is almost always something behind it IMO.


Obviously she has been speaking with this guy when he comes to the hospital every now and then with the helicopter.

Yesterday, she said to me "that big cute guy said I could go for a ride with him in the helicopter sometime." Now I don't believe she intended to use the word "cute" as soon as she said it the look on her face turned to shock. I did not say anything other than "that's cool" as I also was a shocked about her choice of words. I even said to myself she cant have said cute maybe she said huge. Nope, my daughter looked at her mom and said "who is cute." So I know what I heard.

Obviously this is a HUGE red flag. Well I think it is. I spoke to a buddy of mine this morning and he said keep mouth shut and eyes and ears open. Which is what I am doing. Any other suggestions?
Nip it in the bud. Obviously your wife likes the attention he is giving her and is encouraging it by accepting gifts. Since the gifts she has been chatting with him regularly.

Tell her a helicopter ride sounds like fun but his attention to her and her reciprocating has definitely gone too far, so ask when do you ALL go. She what she says then.
 

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No I am worried that he and my wife are attracted to one another and an affair may be in the works. As a married man I would never invite a married woman out, even if it is a night flight in a helicopter, nor would I give a woman gifts.

Am I overreacting do you think?
Ok I get it now, I got confused. Your user name, I was thinking you were female. that you are the wife. I was thinking this guy asked your kid out for a ride on a helicopter.

He asked your wife out on a ride.

He gave your wife the gift or it was for the kid?

Yeah, this doesn't look good.

You need to slam the brakes on this right now.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Nip it in the bud. Obviously your wife likes the attention he is giving her and is encouraging it by accepting gifts. Since the gifts she has been chatting with him regularly.

Tell her a helicopter ride sounds like fun but his attention to her and her reciprocating has definitely gone too far, so ask when do you ALL go. She what she says then.
Ok I get it now, I got confused. Your user name, I was thinking you were female. that you are the wife. I was thinking this guy asked your kid out for a ride on a helicopter.

He asked your wife out on a ride.

He gave your wife the gift or it was for the kid?

Yeah, this doesn't look good.

You need to slam the brakes on this right now.
Yes asked my wife.
Gave gift to wife not child.
I know looks ****ty. Think going to get VAR.
Yes I do.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Ok I get it now, I got confused. Your user name, I was thinking you were female. that you are the wife. I was thinking this guy asked your kid out for a ride on a helicopter.

He asked your wife out on a ride.

He gave your wife the gift or it was for the kid?

Yeah, this doesn't look good.

You need to slam the brakes on this right now.
Thanks. Oh well wife and I have not had an argument in a while at least this one will be over a serious matter.
 

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Am I overreacting do you think?
No you're not overreacting ... if anything, you're not reacting enough.

Time to start snooping to see if they are communicating outside of the workplace. Can you access her phone?

I see you're considering getting a VAR ... put some action to those thoughts.

Please don't be one of the BH's that sits by unconditionally trusting your W, while she starts up an A with that "cute big guy at work".
 

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Thanks. Oh well wife and I have not had an argument in a while at least this one will be over a serious matter.
Also, when the confrontation does occur. Ask her to give you the "gift" he gave her and destroy/burn it right in front of her. Nothing like a little visual aide to drive home just how serious you to consider this to be.
 

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No I am worried that he and my wife are attracted to one another and an affair may be in the works. As a married man I would never invite a married woman out, even if it is a night flight in a helicopter, nor would I give a woman gifts.

Am I overreacting do you think?
No, I don't think you are overreacting. I'm married. I too do not gifts to OW. I own several classic cars that some women admire. I do not offer rides.

Helicopter boy...does he own the helicopter and is he legally permitted to take passengers on board? Helicopter boy is fishing.
 

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A couple of years ago a guy where my wife works gave her a small gift. It was related to his work and consisted of a duffel bag with logo, baseball cap and a t-shirt. She likes flying and this gift had logos of the company he worked for printed on it.
Yesterday, she said to me "that big cute guy said I could go for a ride with him in the helicopter sometime."
A couple of years ago a guy gives your wife gifts with his helicopter company logo on it. This same person who your wife thinks of as "that big cute guy" (this is probably how she refers to him with her coworkers) is now asking her if she wants to go on a helicopter ride with him. He had to make an effort on behalf of your wife to make both of these things happen. He is not doing this for the other woman that your wife works with, just for her. Why? The answer is that he thinks that your wife is just as cute as your wife thinks he is.

Google a helicopter ride company in your area and get available dates. Tell your wife that she should have told you that she wanted to ride in a helicopter, and that you think that it would be a fun and romantic date for the two of you to go on. Then tell her that there is now no good reason for her to go on the ride with "that big cute guy", unless spending time with this other man is the real reason that she wants to go.
 

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Google a helicopter ride company in your area and get available dates. Tell your wife that she should have told you that she wanted to ride in a helicopter, and that you think that it would be a fun and romantic date for the two of you to go on. Then tell her that there is now no good reason for her to go on the ride with "that big cute guy", unless spending time with this other man is the real reason that she wants to go.
Really excellent idea, but do not say the bolded. Say "no way I'm going to let some other guy take you in a helicopter" after scheduling the date and surprising her with it. Then don't say another word about it other than you are glad you were prompted to have such a great date idea.
 

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Hi all I am a married man. Now as some of you know I remain in my marriage due to my child. I know, not a good reason, nevertheless that is why I am still in it I tell myself. A couple of years ago a guy where my wife works gave her a small gift. It was related to his work and consisted of a duffel bag with logo, baseball cap and a t-shirt. She likes flying and this gift had logos of the company he worked for printed on it. He is a aircraft crew member. I did not think to much of it, although if a man gives a woman a gift there is almost always something behind it IMO.


Obviously she has been speaking with this guy when he comes to the hospital every now and then with the helicopter.

Yesterday, she said to me "that big cute guy said I could go for a ride with him in the helicopter sometime." Now I don't believe she intended to use the word "cute" as soon as she said it the look on her face turned to shock. I did not say anything other than "that's cool" as I also was a shocked about her choice of words. I even said to myself she cant have said cute maybe she said huge. Nope, my daughter looked at her mom and said "who is cute." So I know what I heard.

Obviously this is a HUGE red flag. Well I think it is. I spoke to a buddy of mine this morning and he said keep mouth shut and eyes and ears open. Which is what I am doing. Any other suggestions?
Well, if your marriage is just for show, why does it even matter to you?
 

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It's a little early to accuse or be real suspicious, but not too early to investigate. Do not confront however or she'll take it further underground if she is in fact in an affair or beginning one and it will be harder for you to unveil what's going on. Too early to tell anything but be vigilant and do not change your disposition to tip her off. VAR and phone records is suffice as a starter.
 
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