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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
In March of 2013 I found sexual/loving texts that my husband exchanged with a former employee of his. I confronted him and he admitted they'd been 'involved' for the past 6 months. She was a foreign employee who are hired to work seasonally. In May 2013 I found cards he had bought, but not delivered to her, and confronted him again. He said the affair actually started in Feb/Mar of 2011, when she was here, and that they had made out in his car a few times, gone to the movies, spent a day in Miami, etc. She left in May 2011 and did not return, but they kept the relationship going via Facebook, Skype, texting/sexting and FaceTime. I was devastated! He says they never slept together and I tried to really believe that. He also had a very big porn addiction during that time, which I discovered after going through his computer. We decided to work on things and they were really going well, even with my bouts of depression and being upset. Our family (we have a girl, 15 and boy, 12) was doing so much together - it was great. He sent me little love notes and we texted constantly. That began to wane a bit and he would slide on things I said were important (holding hands, for example), but they seemed like little things.

In early Sep of 2013, he learned that she might return, but he didn't tell me. He had googled her on his tablet and I found it in late Sep of 2013. He knew for two weeks and didn't tell me. I was so upset. As he had never sent a no-contact letter, I had asked him to send one back in Aug 2013, but he didn't see the point and said she likely was mad at him. I asked him again when it seemed she would return, and he wouldn't. I started therapy because I couldn't handle all the hiding of things I thought he should be sharing with me. She is back and he says things are awkward between them. I asked again that he send something to her stating clearly that they are over.

I've been a mess and our whole relationship has taken a big downturn. He had said he would start going to my therapist and then we would do joint sessions. I don't believe he's made the phone call yet. He told me he started writing a no-contact letter, but no idea if he finished or even sent it. When I asked if he was still attracted to her, he said that she's a cute girl. WTF? I said that wasn't what I asked and he said no, he wasn't.

I asked him again this past Monday to send something and he said that he has to see her every day at work and it would be uncomfortable - that he was just going to avoid her as best he can, seeing that he is her supervisor. I cried, I begged, I said I could not believe that his being uncomfortable came before our marriage. That was two days ago and we've barely spoken. He's been different since her return. I kind of feel like I see the writing on the wall, but dammit - he was trying and we were so happy for awhile there. The kids have no idea.

I'm at a crossroads and have no idea if I keep investing in this or just accept that he is not over that relationship and file for divorce. The fact that he hides and drags his feet - actions over words - should be my biggest clue. I think he's given up on us.
 
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