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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am very hesitant about this post so don't be too cruel.
I have been married for 16+ years to a wonderful woman. Have 2 great kids, great job, great house, etc. Everything seems to be just fine. We have very close friends with similar aged kids. I have become very close to one wife in particular. Our feelings have grown as the years go by. A year ago the family moved 7 hours away. I was very distraught over this. It took me a long time to get over the move. Not only did I lose a great guy friend but I lost a very close female friend. Recently we have begun talking more and more. Our feelings have never died I learned even after the move. We have never acted on our feelings in any way. The thought has crossed our minds on more than one occassion. As it turns out we are in love with each other. Or I should say in love with the idea of being with each other. Both families recently vacationed together for 5 days. It was so hard to leave. I have not been the same since. We talk almost daily and all seems to be fine except we are getting closer by every phone call. We have recently told each other that we love each other. We actually think of each other more than we think of our own spouses. We both realize that this is very unhealthy for both marriages and we don't want to do anything to come between our marriages. We realized that if we continue at the present rate, we are both in a lot of trouble down the road. We decided to back off for awhile. No more phone calls. When this happened, I felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest. I am very sad about the whole ordeal even though I know in my heart it's the right thing to do. I have never been emotionally hurt in my life. This is very new to me. I have potentally lost a very dear friend as well as someone I am in love with. I love my wife with all my heart. I always have ever since high school. I do not want to leave her. That's not even an option I am willing to think about. I adore my kids they are great. I could not stand to be apart from them. I realize that I am terrible for falling in love with another woman. I am not even sure why I posted this message. I just wanted to voice my pain a little. I never imagined this kind of pain / sorrow before. I realize that with time this will pass and maybe we can become friends again. But in the mean time it really hurts. The advice I need is how to get over her and concentrate on my wife and give her the attention and love she deserves. She's a great woman and I am lucky to have her.
Thank You.
 

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Well, you are on th right road and doing a very noble thing. Whenever something is new you get those butterflies but keep it realistic that those feelings are chemicals your body releases and they die out in time. With the extra emotional energy that you can now give your wife you should be able to get your marriage again healthy.

I suggest one a day. Do one thing a day for your wife, be it a card or not, a foot rub or helping with the dishes or give her a night off from all house work and do it yourself. It may take a hile but after she sees all the extra you ar doing for her she to might reinvest into the marriage.

Do you still date? By this I mean going out together without the kids. This is often very healthy for a marriage.

draconis
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
We actually went on "Date Night" a couple of weeks ago. It was fun. We had a nice dinner and went to a play at a small local theatre. It was my idea and she was very excited. We had a nice time.
 

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Concentrating on making the most of your marriage, will help shut out the thoughts that you are missing out on something with this other woman.

It is a fantasy nothing more, and though it hurts a lot now, think how much more losing your wife and family would hurt you. Not to mention the breakup of BOTH homes.
 

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The grass may look greener on the other side of the fence, but you have to decide if it's really worth killing off your own yard to get it. It sounds like as stav said, it's a fantasy. Something new, something different for both of you. It sounds like reconnecting with your wife is needed and having lengthy conversations with her would help. Date night sounds like a great start! :)

The hurt will go away and someday you will be thankful you didn't follow the urge to cross that line of no return.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Today has been a really difficult time. It's the first day we haven't talked in weeks. I never imagined it being this difficult. All of your responses have helped tremendously. It's funny how the advice / concerns of total strangers can do that. I to feel as though as time goes on, the pain will deminish and I can get to what's really important, my family.
 

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I agree with draconis and the rest of the group. I feel that if you have everything you want right there that you have right now, why venture out...the pain will go away and I hope for your family's sake that things get better. Sounds like you got alot of what others long for, and for that I'd be grateful...not meaning to be harsh :)
 

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Today has been a really difficult time. It's the first day we haven't talked in weeks. I never imagined it being this difficult. All of your responses have helped tremendously. It's funny how the advice / concerns of total strangers can do that. I to feel as though as time goes on, the pain will deminish and I can get to what's really important, my family.
Although we are indeed "strangers" to you, know that I pray for you and hope for the best. Often I come on the forums and when I see a persons posts I remember other things they have posted and can refer to them like as if I "know" them. I hope that you stick around and that you continue to make things better.

draconis
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I really appreciate all of your concerns. As of right now, I am doing a little better. I have really been concentrating on my family lately, and that's good for everyone. I coach my kids in various sports, so that also helps fill my time.

As far as this board goes, I feel as though it's a great forum. Keep up the good work people!!

Thanks Again.
 
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