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My marriage is failing and we are starting marriage counseling next week but I don't know that things can be saved, I don't love him anymore.

Anywho, I want to hatch a plan so that I don't leave with nothing. Right now, I am a stay at home mom seeking employment. I cannot get a job and not contribute financially, I don't know how I could make that happen. I just have no idea what to do when you are planning to leave. I have 3 children and no where to go until I find employment and our lease is up in February. Help on what to do please.
 

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1. Get a job. Even if it's just seasonal/holiday help, get a job. Get 2 jobs if necessary (one evenings, one weekends).

2. Put 40-60% of your take home pay in a separate bank account with your name only (at a different bank than you usually use). Put the other 60-40% take home pay in your joint marital account.

3. Start looking into low-income or subsidized housing options for women with children. Ask at the library reference desk for help finding information if you don't know where to start.

4. Find out about WIC (Women, Infants & Children) - subsidized food programs for women and children.

5. Find out how much child support would be assessed in YOUR STATE (I'm assuming you live in USA) for your husband (based on income and number of children).

6. Find out HOW long it takes to get a divorce in your state (I moved back to my home state and have to prove 6 month residency before I can even file).

7. Check into low-income divorce options. Google your state's divorce laws (there will be simplified versions on the web where you won't need a law degree to understand the wording).

It is possible that you will find a great job that, together with your H's child support, will mean you won't need assistance. That's fine, it is better to be prepared and not NEED the information, than to be scrambling for it at the last minute.

Good luck. Perhaps MC WILL work for you two, who knows?
 

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I relate and empathize...SAHM...sure if I can get a job it wouldn't even be enough to pay daycare...lol let alone rent and food etc...ahh the traps we have.
People love to give simple advice...when really there is n clear solution.

We know we need to get a job, but when you have alot of kids and little ability to make good income it leaves you shipwrecked. Good Luck and I hope you find a way off your island!
 

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Why not spend your time talking to a divorce mediator rather than a marriage counselor. If you are trying to figure out how to leave him and don't love him you are wasting your time in counseling.
 
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