Confession - first post.
Married almost 30 years...my hubs is a great father and a good provider. I love him. But I miss the passion in our relationship. Our sex life has become 100% predictable. We work opposite schedules, so our time together in bed is somewhat limited. But initiating sex has become a struggle. I crave intimacy and feeling truly loved and connected to him. He gets frustrated because he thinks I'm not interested. The truth is I know he is watching live cams and porn. I also know he looks at other women on FB and has had some messaging back and forth with an ex. I've confronted him about these things. At first, he denied it, then he told me if it made me uncomfortable, he would not do it anymore. But I know he is continuing to watch porn. He uses his computer constantly, and a few times, I've checked his internet history. It's deleted. Obviously, he has something to hide from me. I don't think he is physically cheating, as he is always home (especially now during covid). But whatever he is up to is really holding me back from initiating sex, enjoying physical touch. He takes my lack of desire as that I'm not interested or have lost feelings for him. He says he is still attracted to me and loves me, yet we never spend time together doing things as a couple (outside of the bedroom). With his work, he is either on his computer or sleeping. He used to be such a romantic, leaving me cards, bringing flowers, running a bath for me. Now, I don't even feel like we talk about anything other than routine household stuff. There are literally days when we have spoken less that 15 min. When we do have sex, he seems to enjoy it; but I'm always left wanting more. He would like for me to be more aggressive, and I want to be; however, I crave tenderness, romance (sweet words/feelings). I want to feel loved and not just a sexual partner. I've asked for several months, maybe even a few years! I just feel incredibly lonely...he is obviously finding ways to "meet his needs," how do I fulfill my own? Incredibly lonely...
Married almost 30 years...my hubs is a great father and a good provider. I love him. But I miss the passion in our relationship. Our sex life has become 100% predictable. We work opposite schedules, so our time together in bed is somewhat limited. But initiating sex has become a struggle. I crave intimacy and feeling truly loved and connected to him. He gets frustrated because he thinks I'm not interested. The truth is I know he is watching live cams and porn. I also know he looks at other women on FB and has had some messaging back and forth with an ex. I've confronted him about these things. At first, he denied it, then he told me if it made me uncomfortable, he would not do it anymore. But I know he is continuing to watch porn. He uses his computer constantly, and a few times, I've checked his internet history. It's deleted. Obviously, he has something to hide from me. I don't think he is physically cheating, as he is always home (especially now during covid). But whatever he is up to is really holding me back from initiating sex, enjoying physical touch. He takes my lack of desire as that I'm not interested or have lost feelings for him. He says he is still attracted to me and loves me, yet we never spend time together doing things as a couple (outside of the bedroom). With his work, he is either on his computer or sleeping. He used to be such a romantic, leaving me cards, bringing flowers, running a bath for me. Now, I don't even feel like we talk about anything other than routine household stuff. There are literally days when we have spoken less that 15 min. When we do have sex, he seems to enjoy it; but I'm always left wanting more. He would like for me to be more aggressive, and I want to be; however, I crave tenderness, romance (sweet words/feelings). I want to feel loved and not just a sexual partner. I've asked for several months, maybe even a few years! I just feel incredibly lonely...he is obviously finding ways to "meet his needs," how do I fulfill my own? Incredibly lonely...