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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My relationship has a lot of issues aside from all the other crap our sex life has a lot to be desired...on my end. My husband wants to have sex and will ask for a BJ or sex regularly. When my drive is up his is down and vice versa. Were in our early 30's and are only doing it once a month if that and for me that just isn't ok. He is exclusively pleasured about once a week. Meanwhile I'm never getting there because he just can't last long enough during that one time per month. He masturbates daily and complains about my weight (which I'm working on after our 2nd child). I also struggle with the big O when I'm on top which is all he wants and does not want to oblige when I ask for him to take control. I FEEL LIKE I'M ****ING A DEAD FISH. Its all just so effed up that we're not on the same wavelength and I want to help improve things for both of us. Are there any suggestions?
 

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Rarely, like once or twice a year. He complains it smells bad and says my ******* stinks too so that's why he doesn't want to bend me over, even after bathing he complains. I don't know what smell he is talking about and have gone to the Doctor over this; ran every test in the book and everything comes back normal; so I figure it is just an excuse for him to get a bj and not have to do anything, thus creating resentment. He doesn't really seem concerned that I never reach the O; He is fully aware and doesn't even go long enough for me to fake it.
 

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He masturbates daily, gets a BJ weekly, and only has PiV sex with you monthly?? While usually I would say masturbation is fine, in this case, it is not ok. It is taking away from your sex life... definitely not ok. And the BJs? Seriously, if my husband said he wouldn't go down, and all tests came back showing nothing wrong, he wouldn't be getting BJs anymore. He is using BJs and masturbating to stand in for sex with you. Ordinarily, I wouldn't say to schedule sex, but in this case, I think you need to. And, no BJs until sex life is back on track. I know I'm gonna get jumped about that though...
 

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He masturbates daily, gets a BJ weekly, and only has PiV sex with you monthly?? While usually I would say masturbation is fine, in this case, it is not ok. It is taking away from your sex life... definitely not ok. And the BJs? Seriously, if my husband said he wouldn't go down, and all tests came back showing nothing wrong, he wouldn't be getting BJs anymore. He is using BJs and masturbating to stand in for sex with you. Ordinarily, I wouldn't say to schedule sex, but in this case, I think you need to. And, no BJs until sex life is back on track. I know I'm gonna get jumped about that though...
Nope your advice is spot on. When one gets all their needs met and the other one doesn't the answer is to stop. Otherwise they get the message that everything is working just fine when clearly it isn't.

He gets rewarded for bad behavior so why should he change?
 

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Does it smell bad? Have you smelled it yourself? If its like roadkill i don't blame him, but if its lilacs he needs to eat it up.
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Gee, i thought that when she said all sorts of tests had been run to see what's going on, and he refuses even right after washing, that would be a clue that he's making excuses for the real thing.... he just doesn't care about getting HER off, only getting what HE wants... I mean, add in the fact that they have sex once a month and the rest of the time he is masturbating....
 

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I really don't get this type of 'take it all - give none in return'. My gf doesn't like receiving oral and it does make me feel like I don't give enough even though it's not a matter of not wanting to.
1. What does she NOT like about it?
2. Have you discussed with her how it makes you feel when she doesn't want to receive?
 

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He masturbates daily, gets a BJ weekly, and only has PiV sex with you monthly?? While usually I would say masturbation is fine, in this case, it is not ok. It is taking away from your sex life... definitely not ok. And the BJs? Seriously, if my husband said he wouldn't go down, and all tests came back showing nothing wrong, he wouldn't be getting BJs anymore. He is using BJs and masturbating to stand in for sex with you. Ordinarily, I wouldn't say to schedule sex, but in this case, I think you need to. And, no BJs until sex life is back on track. I know I'm gonna get jumped about that though...
As a guy, I fully support the "no more bj's until your kitty starts getting licked" approach.

To the OP, perhaps get a toy, like the rabbit vibrator suggested. And take care of your own needs whenever and however you like.

C
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She doesn't like the feeling. I've brought the issue up but all I got out of it is that it's something that she doesn't like to do and is almost never in the mood for. She knows I would love to return the favour but what's the point if she's just faking the enjoyment? It really amazed me that there were women that didn't like it. I've always thought it was supposed to be really pleasurable.

I don't want to hijack the thread from the OP btw :eek:
 
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