@Angela87,
I'm sorry but his excuse amuses me. (Am I the only one?)
"I didn't feel like handing her cash ... so I bought her nude photos!!"
GOD, how dumb! It's seriously funny how ridiculous that excuse is!!
Okay here's what I would do if it was me. I have to admit, if my hubby did that I would be shocked and cry at first because this would be SOOO out of character. After that wore off, I would not waste time. I would contact him directly, tell him it was a dire emergency and we needed to talk right away, and then tell him that I was applying for unemployment, opened his gmail, and found the nude photos.
Then I'd state that I will only accept a partner in my life who is 100% committed to me alone...and that means 0% for anyone else. Being the person he is, I would probably talk one time to hear his side, but it would be something like "I have chosen to hear your side and will remain neutral until then, but I won't accept any blameshifting or lying, so choose your words carefully" and then I would listen. Any lies or blaming me for having nudes in his gmail, and I'd be done with the conversation.
I'd let him know that I would be moving to another bed until I figure out what I intend to do. After that, I'd hang up and start moving my stuff to the guest room. I would probably take a few days off work so I had time to contemplate MY beliefs, MY thoughts, and MY decision. Then I would relate to him what I had decided would be best for me, and then EXECUTE that plan.
I don't think talking means a whole lot here....too often it just gives an opportunity for blameshifting and arguing. SMH. Nope, ACTIONS mean "I am dead serious about this" so I would not say, I would act. I would be afraid and I would be sad, but I would act.
Depending on the talk and what I decided, my actions might be moving into the guest room for X amount of time so he has a chance to show me with actions that he's serious. I might agree to counseling if he set it all up and did some heavy lifting. I might move out for a week or month as just a chance to clear heads. I might realize this is just the last in a string of straws that finally made it undeniable that the marriage is broken and unfixable. See what I mean? It depends on whether he's willing to be responsible for the nudes and work with me, or if it's a ****show and now let's just be honest--we're broken.
That is what *I* would do...but you aren't me. I will just say that I would not tolerate my husband having nudes of another woman. That is not okay.