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Soo I know everyone is effected one way or another by this. I'm currently filing for unemployment because I work in a salon and our Govenor mandated a shut down. As I'm doing this, I had to hop on my fiance's laptop. I was in the middle of trying to register and was doing so through gmail - well, first I needed to sign out of his login to get on to mine. As I'm doing this, I noticed an email that said, *mutual friend's name* posted new photos. It was through Patreon or whatever it's called. So, this girl was a server and to make ends meet she has started posting and selling nudes and my fiance has signed up. What in the actual ****? I'm not one to shame about porn or anything like that, but I can't help but feel waaaay different about this because it's an actual person we come in contact with every now and then. I mean, am I wrong? I feel sick to my my stomach about all this - especially I because he initiated sex around the times he looked at them. Makes me feel completely useless. I don't even know how to comprehend this, let alone what next steps I should take. I'm stuck at home, drinking some beers and looking up whether I can afford to get an apartment or not. Am I going overboard? WTF.
 

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Soo I know everyone is effected one way or another by this. I'm currently filing for unemployment because I work in a salon and our Govenor mandated a shut down. As I'm doing this, I had to hop on my fiance's laptop. I was in the middle of trying to register and was doing so through gmail - well, first I needed to sign out of his login to get on to mine. As I'm doing this, I noticed an email that said, *mutual friend's name* posted new photos. It was through Patreon or whatever it's called. So, this girl was a server and to make ends meet she has started posting and selling nudes and my fiance has signed up. What in the actual ****? I'm not one to shame about porn or anything like that, but I can't help but feel waaaay different about this because it's an actual person we come in contact with every now and then. I mean, am I wrong? I feel sick to my my stomach about all this - especially I because he initiated sex around the times he looked at them. Makes me feel completely useless. I don't even know how to comprehend this, let alone what next steps I should take. I'm stuck at home, drinking some beers and looking up whether I can afford to get an apartment or not. Am I going overboard? WTF.
I'd say that he has just a few rather pointed questions to answer! And probably with a few follow-ups, too!
 

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Oh most definitely. God, I feel like such an idiot. Here I am worried about my job, bills, and our child and he's doing this.
 

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I wouldn't ask any questions - it opens the door for him to lie, make excuses, blame you, etc.

I would make statements.

Decide what your standards are and state them. Be very clear and unwavering.

Do not argue with him or complain or explain yourself.

His response/reaction will tell you everything you need to know about the future of your relationship - and also his level of respect for you.
 

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I would ask him if he would be ok with you going ahead to make some extra money on-line like your acquaintance. Ask if it would be okay to contact some of his friends.

"So Hubby, I see that you subscribed to Ms So & So's nude service. Sounds like a great idea. Do you mind if I contact your friends list and drum up a little business?"
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Agreed. This is 100% one sided. I do not deserve, nor do I or have I done such things. Thank you both for commenting. I feel alone right now. It's reassuring.
 

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Soo I know everyone is effected one way or another by this. I'm currently filing for unemployment because I work in a salon and our Govenor mandated a shut down. As I'm doing this, I had to hop on my fiance's laptop. I was in the middle of trying to register and was doing so through gmail - well, first I needed to sign out of his login to get on to mine. As I'm doing this, I noticed an email that said, *mutual friend's name* posted new photos. It was through Patreon or whatever it's called. So, this girl was a server and to make ends meet she has started posting and selling nudes and my fiance has signed up. What in the actual ****? I'm not one to shame about porn or anything like that, but I can't help but feel waaaay different about this because it's an actual person we come in contact with every now and then. I mean, am I wrong? I feel sick to my my stomach about all this - especially I because he initiated sex around the times he looked at them. Makes me feel completely useless. I don't even know how to comprehend this, let alone what next steps I should take. I'm stuck at home, drinking some beers and looking up whether I can afford to get an apartment or not. Am I going overboard? WTF.
Tongue in cheek here a little.

If you're bold enough and it isn't against your beliefs, start selling your own nudes along side of what's her name.>:)
 

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When I found the communication chain between my hb and his ex gf (which spanned our entire 13 years together) I asked him some very pointed questions to see if he would lie.

He did. Then proceeded to trickle truth and change his story based on what he realized I knew. I knew then I was dealing with a liar and had nothing to work with.

He's now my ex. Best thing I ever did besides having my kids was dump him....my life is far better now.
 

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@Angela87,

I'm sorry but his excuse amuses me. (Am I the only one?)

"I didn't feel like handing her cash ... so I bought her nude photos!!"

GOD, how dumb! It's seriously funny how ridiculous that excuse is!!

Okay here's what I would do if it was me. I have to admit, if my hubby did that I would be shocked and cry at first because this would be SOOO out of character. After that wore off, I would not waste time. I would contact him directly, tell him it was a dire emergency and we needed to talk right away, and then tell him that I was applying for unemployment, opened his gmail, and found the nude photos.

Then I'd state that I will only accept a partner in my life who is 100% committed to me alone...and that means 0% for anyone else. Being the person he is, I would probably talk one time to hear his side, but it would be something like "I have chosen to hear your side and will remain neutral until then, but I won't accept any blameshifting or lying, so choose your words carefully" and then I would listen. Any lies or blaming me for having nudes in his gmail, and I'd be done with the conversation.

I'd let him know that I would be moving to another bed until I figure out what I intend to do. After that, I'd hang up and start moving my stuff to the guest room. I would probably take a few days off work so I had time to contemplate MY beliefs, MY thoughts, and MY decision. Then I would relate to him what I had decided would be best for me, and then EXECUTE that plan.

I don't think talking means a whole lot here....too often it just gives an opportunity for blameshifting and arguing. SMH. Nope, ACTIONS mean "I am dead serious about this" so I would not say, I would act. I would be afraid and I would be sad, but I would act.

Depending on the talk and what I decided, my actions might be moving into the guest room for X amount of time so he has a chance to show me with actions that he's serious. I might agree to counseling if he set it all up and did some heavy lifting. I might move out for a week or month as just a chance to clear heads. I might realize this is just the last in a string of straws that finally made it undeniable that the marriage is broken and unfixable. See what I mean? It depends on whether he's willing to be responsible for the nudes and work with me, or if it's a ****show and now let's just be honest--we're broken.

That is what *I* would do...but you aren't me. I will just say that I would not tolerate my husband having nudes of another woman. That is not okay.
 

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I would move out of the bedroom and hunker down with some FREE huge penis porn and Jill myself off until I was raw. When he asked why I'm not coming to bed anymore I would say because I just HAVE to see this stuff, it is so important for my well being, and lord knows I cannot see anything like this around here.
 

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I know a lot of guys out there these days will say that it's not that big a thing.
For them, it's not much far removed from porn, just that it's someone they know, and as they often fantasies about other women they know anyway, it makes little difference, to them.
So, it might not mean much to these types of guys. And they haven't lost interest in their partner, just interest in bring moral.

But for most women, this is hurtful and can completely knock their sexual confidence.
Why did he keep it secret? as you both know her.

I know from my own experience, that not all female partners can recover from this as if it doesn't matter.
And from my experience I would say, do not rug sweep this. If you are upset and hurt, make sure he knows this, and make sure he understands that it is not acceptable.

Or like was previously said, play him at his own game, see if that hits home instead
 

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OMG same here - like COME ON. What a ****ing idiot. And you've given me great advice, thank you. I am definitely moving out of the bedroom ✌✌ He hasn't even had the guts to come speak to me since he got home. I'm not initiating ****. Man up and say something!
 

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You have just seen the character of your bf, and it sucks if your thinking you'll change him or he'll change nope. He'll just get better at it. This is feeding his needs seeing your mutual friend and now your mutual friend must know and once she knows does she think she has more to offer than you?

This is your snake of a man, fishing because he wants to see the goods before he jumps into a new place.

Yep, with her. Sorry your here.
 

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Some people are just unable to control their urges to see nude women. The question is just how did he come across this page in the first place. If he stumbled upon this friend of yours, and signed up, it could just be curiosity or the can't pass up the opportunity to get an eye full. Doesn't make him a cheater but it does mean he could be a problem going forward.
 
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