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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I see it in various places. And to see it here where people....even those who are married.... claim that some opposite sex friendship is their "best friend."

Maybe I am a very cautious person. Friends are great to have. But I would not want to burden anyone with the rank of "best friend" when they may not at one point deliver.

For those who use the expression "best friend" tell us what it means to you.... and whether there is a difference when the friend is of the opposite sex.......


and anyone else who has an opinion on that expression.....
 

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We are all influenced by our own experiences so I can only say that none of my friends have had a negative impact on my marriage. We are all married with kids and our friendships are healthy and don't impact the marriage in a bad way. We all accept our family comes first and that's that.
I did have one friend though who would try and persuaded to go out to clubs etc, I went once or twice but it wasn't for me. She did get a bit narky when I tried to explain to her so that friendship died a natural death.
I think it's wise to look at friendships and chose which ones are going to be healthy to the marriage and sift out the ones that aren't.
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A best friend is someone that you can count on no matter what. They love you in spite of yourself, which in some ways is as deep, but different, than the love of your family because your family didn't have a choice in the matter.

A best friend is someone that you would want to eulogize you at your funeral, that doesn't judge but will point out when you're willfully acting against your own character, and only wants the best for you.

I don't have any close friends of the opposite sex. The nearest might be female coworkers. I'm not a fan of a married person having a friend of the opposite sex, but remember that any relationship can be toxic to your marriage: Same sex friends, parents, siblings, hell, even the other spouse.
 

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I don't get caught up in the phrase it's just words. I've had friends call ME their 'best friend' and I did not feel that way in return.

And I have friends I consider to be my best friend and I don't think in terms of whether they will deliver or not. All that matters is that they are meeting my needs TODAY. And if they choose to leave I will be fine.

In terms of marriage my 'best friend' is one who brings the most positiveness/growth to my life and my family. And I strive to do the same in return.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I can think of one long time family friend. We grew up with her. My father grew up with her mother... that is, her mother was friend with his sisters........

She is an only child; and now both of her parents are dead; my mother has now said that she has "adopted" her and that she and her children are always welcomed at her place; when her mother died my brother and his wife (of course) had the reception at his house. so what do you call that... family friendships, opposite sex friendships... whatever....

When she calls me I make every effort to accommodate her but I don't call her my "best friend"...... maybe it is just a turn of phrase.
 

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I could use the term two ways, I suppose. If I said "my best guy friend" it means a guy who ranks above others in terms of friendship qualities, but I wouldn't ever claim a male best friend other than my husband just because my personal definition of "best friend" implies someone I can talk to about anything and feel safe. I can't do that with a male best friend without betraying my marriage.
 

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If a guy says it, it means "a woman I'm hanging out with because I intend to nail her like a coffin the first chance I get." If a woman says it, it means she's looking to get laid, he's gay, or she's extremely naive.
 

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I dont rank my friends and never have although I acknowledge many do. I find it disrespectful, hurtful, juvenile and unrealistic but thats me.

On to the more important issue. Opposite gender friends are toxic to a marriage in my view. I believe one of my primary duties as a husband is to protect my marriage and my wife from feeling overly insecure due to my choices whom I spend time with one on one inlcudng their gender, values, marital status and support of my marriage.
 

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If it's a friend before marriage, that's different to me. Even then, "best friend" should be your mate...or else you should have married your "best friend" of opposite sex, no? I dunno..

Someone they met after the marriage? Then best friend means, "Someone I want to bang..."
 

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I think of the term as someone who knows you better than others, someone you trust, and someone you can count on. If that person will be there for you no matter what when you need it. In times of trouble they are someone you can turn to. They are someone that you should be able to tell anything to and they will support you.
That type of person is hard to find, some people just don't value true friendship enough.
 

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A best friend is the person you would most like to spend time with. If you had an emotional crisis this would be the first person you would call.
 

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I would say that I only have 5 Good friends (4 men 1 women) outside of my family, do not get me wrong I have lots of "mates", "co-workers", "good neighbors" etc.

I have known my best friend since we started preschool (age 3). We spent the next 13 years at schools together, spent weekends and holidays together, we kept in touch whilst I was in the Military (10+ years) meet up on leaves. I was the best man when he got married and I am the god father to both his sons, he was my best man and he and his (now ex) wife are god parents to my eldest daughter. Over the years we have helped each other financially and emotionally and neither of us keeps count. Sometimes we will go months without meeting up (we live 2 hours apart) but we do keep up on FB / by phone.

As you can see I have known him nearly all my life and would trust him with my life.

I cannot imagine having a woman (other than SO or Sibling) as that close a friend. The only "good friend" I have who is a women is the now ex wife of my best friend (we all went to senior school together and they were childhood sweethearts) but thankfully they both accepted that I needed to remain friends with them both after their break up.
 

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I have not called a person my best friend outside of my husband since my best GF I had before we met... She was like a SISTER to me.... I practically lived at her house, we talked about our futures together, her Mom treated me like a daughter, her brothers fought with me. I felt such a part of that family..

We shared EVERYTHING , she knew all of my secrets, every boy I had a crush on (and she could not tell or I would KILL her)... all that juicy stuff. When I met my husband it shifted towards him...and me & my best GF slowly drifted our own separate ways...she went off to college, I got a job, then married.. she didn't marry until her 30's... different lifestyles we had.

I've always had GF's in my life... 2 of them I've known since Grade school, another 2 since High school.... plus more along the years....a couple of them call ME their best friend... but honestly, I don't know that I deserve the title as they GIVE more of themselves to me, than I give back... They call more, plan more... I am there for them, but not as close as I could be, possibly should be..... because I put all of my Life & sharing mostly into my husband.

staarz21 said: My H is my opposite sex "best friend". We seriously still act like high school kids giggling in bed at night telling stupid jokes and tickling each other. It's scary
We are like this too...not that we tell jokes, but we Joke and flirt a lot, much of that hysterical laughing where you just can't stop... we make fun of each other... love those moments ;)
 
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