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I've been getting the general run around that all of us that are caught up in this mess of infidelity. Because she doesn't love me. She doesn't think she ever loved me. I've never been a good boyfriend/husband and I've never made her feel special.

For 11 years and 9 of those with our daughter. Yes. I'm quite sure.

Truth is...last year...after about working at a factory for two months she met a guy. They carried on in secret for a long while, but her behavior changed, so did her patterns.

I was fixing her phone for her one night because she was having trouble with it holding a wifi connection, and she up and got a text message from him. I never minded her having guy friends or anything, but it was a picture message. Him...shirtless. Asking her to sneak out and see him tonight.

I was less than pleased and asked her just what in the hell was going on. She claimed nothing was going on....blah blah blah.

Eventually I calmed down. I believed her. I believed her because I /wanted/ to believe.

Then I was cleaning and found a composition notebook. Our daughter has notebooks like the wife does as well. She writes stories in hers, our daughter draws.

I looked and there was: First Date. Location/Date. First Kiss...etc. Straight up like a teenager.

She said it was for a story. Which I believed as well. I almost said stupidly believed but we really put faith in what they say because we love them. Plus I've actually helped her take notes for some of her stories before as well.

Then....the kicker. The punch right to my soul.
She had backed up her photos to one of my spare external harddrives. Her half dressed, her with him. Her with him kissing.

I went off...again.

She started saying that she didn't want to be with me. Then she wanted to and she was sorry. over and over.

Meantime he was in jail because he thought drugs, and alcohol were more important than paying child support for his three kids.

3 months ago she woke me up one morning after she got home from work and she told me she was moving out. She already had the apartment and had it furnished and ready to live in. She did all of this behind my back. We have been living with her parents for the past two years. Now...she left us with her parents.

She has been coming over every day for dinner. Acting and saying we're just taking time apart and that I should pack up so we could move in when we get it all resolved. Then she flip flops. Over and over.

Sadly she only stays for a range of about an hour to two hours max. She'll eat, help me work with our daughter's homework, then...she has to go: She has to go in early or she is tired and wants to get a nap for work.

No quality time at all really.

He got out about 4 weeks ago.

Two weeks ago we went to the park with her because I promised our daughter that I would. We brought the dogs as well. Sadly, the whole time we were on the playground and she had the dogs way way way over out of the way.

20 minutes later she *****ed about going home. That she was tired. Before we went, I was getting pictures of us all and she did not want in any of them. Then we just upped and came back to the parents house. Our house.

I came out of the bathroom and our daughter was waiting by the door. She asked, "Daddy...why doesn't Mommy want to be around me anymore?"

I made an excuse of her always having to work and such...then I went outside. I had to calm down. I guess it made me go into a flashback of sorts emotionally. The exact same question that I asked my mom about my dad.

I went for a walk. I came back and I sat on the side porch.
The wife backed out of the driveway and seen me, then rolled down the window and said something crappy to me along the lines of I should tell people when I just up and leave. I stalked over and I told her what our daughter said and ripped into her for 20 minutes. About how she can screw me over, rip my heart up, drag it through glass...I don't care.

But when our daughter starts becoming collateral damage due to her infidelity that is when everything becomes a real big problem.

Then yesterday, she bailed on our daughter to goto work early but I was talking to my bass player and seen our car pull out on the main road at her normal time to go in. The two roads are parallel. I always walk up and down ours when I'm talking band business. When I seen that...it really pissed me off.

She claims that she was at work the whole time and I must've seen a similar car. At this point it just drive home the fact that personally, I hurt...I'm really mad...but I have to put our daughter before it all and if she gets hurt the protective daddy in me comes out.

With the thing that our daughter asked me...the next day...it's like something clicked in my head and I just had enough. I guess I got into full protective daddy mode. To be as best as I can be for her.

Down here, we're in her parents house and she's in her own apartment doing who knows what. I'm rarely able to use the car because she has to "work" all the time. I do not have any friends here what so ever. Personally, I'm not designed to be isolated as we are. I've always been outgoing and happy go lucky. I have quite a few friends where I'm from three hours away. I didn't hesitate to move with my family because it was the right thing to do at the time. Now it feels like...I dunno...like she's on her home turf.

It'd damn awkward living in her parents house with out. Especially with all that is going on.

Here the past month or so I started talking to my friends about it. Just telling my story. Each time I tell someone...it steels my resolve a little bit more.

Then...one of my best friends....we go back all the way from middle school...offered me and our daughter a place to live. We can have the upstairs bedrooms in their rather large house. One of which is another master bedroom. Room. Board. Even an allowance. The only catch is that I watch their 1 year old girl and three year old boy. Whom already calls me Uncle. I've watched them a couple of times when I was up that way as it is. I love kids. To me it's really not a catch.




So here I sit. I have some of our things packed up already, and I've been working on the rest slowly. I put on a cover for our daughter but I know that it doesn't completely fool her. We always manage to have fun, no matter what. We're still us. It's bad enough feeling like she abandoned us. Worse to think that she abandoned our beautiful baby girl.



I am taking carloads of stuff up to each week's band rehearsal and my bassplayer is taking them over to our friend's place. Slowly it's getting done. The only two things that are too large to move in a car are a bookshelf and an upright computer desk. But they can be disassembled.

I feel it is the right thing for me. For my daughter. I hate to pull her out of her school, but in the bigger picture, this will be better for us emotionally as well I believe.

I sort of feel trapped her because of her schooling. She's doing really well...she has friends. I think my wife is using this to her advantage. Hell she went out on multiple dates when she was living her while I was here with our daughter. "Work" my backside.

I'm afraid she's going to fight me on taking her. Our daughter has always been my life. Most of my facebook statuses and pictures are of her, about her, or with her. We're always up to something.

I won't leave her down here. Her mother works nights as well and her father has Alzheimer's. One option for a "babysitter" would be her friend who lives 20 minutes way out of the way, whom already has three kids, cheats, and has a drug addicted husband.

That's a no.

When she told me she was moving out, she threatened me with taking our daughter to the guy she is cheating on me with's mother. Knowing what all I know of the guy and his cousin with alcohol, drugs, and a total lack of being a parent...plus....that took some nerve...

That's a big hell no.

I told her if she ever did that to our daughter, I would walk up into the house and rescue her and anyone that got in my way would be very remorseful.

That's the main thing about this. I'm not over the hurt and betrayal, but I'm coping. If she fights me for my daughter when she really has no options for child care AND our car (she can come see her anytime anywhere. I just want her to be a mommy), I'll probably lose my damn mind.

I'm quite used to ranting as an entertainment sort of thing, so I'm sorry for letting it flow in a whole stream of consciousness style.

I appreciate anyone's thoughts on this whole matter. Advice. Anything really. I feel like I got the map, but I just need to find the compass to get my full bearing.

Thanks for reading.
 

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Have you engaged the services of a lawyer yet?

You need to summarise the pertinent points first:

- wife abandoned you
- she has abandoned your child on many occasions
- to spend time with a drug using ex convict
- she wants your daughter to be in contact with this ex convict
- you do not

It's a Hell of a story and I admire your strength.

I'll have a think of other stuff, but in the meantime - get that lawyer.
 

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Hero

Chris is right you need an attorney.

Are you two legally married?

You need to document everything.
You need to legally show evidence that your wife has abandoned both of you.
You need to get your D in a safe environment legally.

But most importantly you are going to need to get a "real" job to pay for all this.

That is what your wife truly has over you. She has the financial resources to walk away from both of you.

You do not.

If your band does not cover your bills and help you pay for an attorney you need to figure out how to get the $$$ to fight her.

Are you in the US or abroad?

HM64
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Hero

Chris is right you need an attorney.

Are you two legally married?

You need to document everything.
You need to legally show evidence that your wife has abandoned both of you.
You need to get your D in a safe environment legally.

But most importantly you are going to need to get a "real" job to pay for all this.

That is what your wife truly has over you. She has the financial resources to walk away from both of you.

You do not.

If your band does not cover your bills and help you pay for an attorney you need to figure out how to get the $$$ to fight her.

Are you in the US or abroad?

HM64
We are legally married. I've been keeping notes on her arrival and departure times. I also have multiple backups of all evidence.

Luckily, I have some money that I've been stashing back when I first suspected. On the plus side my
Family and friends have banded together to help out as well.

I'm in the US.
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You need a laywer ASAP, and you need to expose to her family that she's cheating and cheating with a druggie looser.

she met him at work - have you informed HR there about what is going on?
 

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It good you are here in the US. There is NOTHING she can do if you move with your daughter.
You are her father, you have no legal agreement with your wife, therefore it is a civil matter.

There was a poster that relayed how a wife moved into an apartment with the kids, then asked to move move her and the kids in with her mom. He OKed it. The thing is, mom lived across the State line which was close. A few month go by and he find out she has moved across country with the kids. Lawyer told him since he OKed the out of State move, there was nothing he could do.

Its ok to be civilized, but do not take chances with your daughter, cause there is nothing the cops can do.
In fact, after you move try to get a retraining order on her an posom.
Also, alert your friends she may come with posom to take her back, so you will have some backup.
This could get really nasty in a hurry. So protect your lil girl.
And once you enroll her in school, alert the school that you and her mom are and she cannot come and take her out of school.

Good Luck Man.

OW
 
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