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This is my first post here, I'm usually over in CWI section, but my question this time around is, how the heck am I supposed to cope without sex so often, now my wife of 8 years and I are through?

It's only been 7 days since I had it last, and the old DIY really isn't cutting it...it's the longest I've been without it in maybe 5 years, I have a very high drive, as did/does my wife we'd usually be 10+ a week excluding oral, and it's killllling me, my testicles physically hurt they are struggling so much..almost every girl I see is insanely attractive, and everything about TV and music seems to have sexual references, or undertones.

Is there a quick fix with this, initially? I've tried all sorts, exercise (makes it worse) cooking, self relief obviously, I've even literally had a cold shower :/

Any advice would be appreciated, I don't want to cave and go there with my HSTBXW I know that's a terrible idea, but I'm having a hard time not going there!
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If you are 100% sure the marriage is done and there is no going back, get a FWB. Just don't become 'attached.' You are on the rebound right now, so make sure it's sex only. Last thing you need is a relationship to form when you're in a vulnerable state.

But if the marriage is over, there's nothing wrong with gettin g back out there and having fun.
 

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If you are 100% sure the marriage is done and there is no going back, get a FWB. Just don't become 'attached.' You are on the rebound right now, so make sure it's sex only. Last thing you need is a relationship to form when you're in a vulnerable state.

But if the marriage is over, there's nothing wrong with gettin g back out there and having fun.
This...but officially end it. Make sure everyone knows it 100% done or things will get complicated quickly.


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Yea don't get a FWB until you end the marriage. I agree with the above.

Have you talked to your wife? I'm sure you have but you need to be totally honest that you want it more.

7 days doesn't seem like a lot. I have a high drive too but I also have self control over myself and when my wife left I had to go for 7 months without it. Tough? Yes but going out and running around on her to me is a character flaw/weakness.

I would find out what is going on and get real with her.

Joe
 

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Yes it's 100% over, I'm still stuck there until I can get my own place, she's being very nice, first time she's ever looked remorseful, but I'm confident it's just a bull****, last ditch effort to turn me back to her...not going to happen, "**** off, I want you out the house, you're a psychopath" for 2 months, after SHE cheated....says a lot more than, "please don't go"
But see nicer she is, harder it is to stay strong.still physically attracted to her (a bit) and she is an ABSOLUTE animal in the sack.

I'm only young, and not a bad looker, so finding a FWB which I'm guessing is to do with a **** buddy right? Shouldn't be a problem, but I will wait until I'm out the family home, I can't be that cruel, even still.

7 months??? I think I'd die :/
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Yes it's 100% over, I'm still stuck there until I can get my own place, she's being very nice, first time she's ever looked remorseful, but I'm confident it's just a bull****, last ditch effort to turn me back to her...not going to happen, "**** off, I want you out the house, you're a psychopath" for 2 months, after SHE cheated....says a lot more than, "please don't go"
But see nicer she is, harder it is to stay strong.still physically attracted to her (a bit) and she is an ABSOLUTE animal in the sack.

I'm only young, and not a bad looker, so finding a FWB which I'm guessing is to do with a **** buddy right? Shouldn't be a problem, but I will wait until I'm out the family home, I can't be that cruel, even still.

7 months??? I think I'd die :/
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Yeahhh, definately keep it to a **** buddy level (and yes, FWB is a **** buddy). You definately aren't at the emotional state to get involved with someone else outside of just sex.

I applaud your resolve to not do anything until you get your own place though. Whether or not she cheated, it's good of you to take the moral high ground. Might mean a few weeks or a month of doing without, but you'll look and feel better afterwards.
 

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Didn't realize she had cheated - yea that would be a done deal for me. Then get out there and find one.

I met an older divorced guy one time and he called these "ponies in the barn" always keep good touch with women you hook up or date b/c you never know when they may come back around.

Once I got my emotions out I would try and do my wife who had left and was dating another man. Heck with it. I was going to show her what she left out on. And at the time I was dating 3 other women.

So after I decided that 7 months was enough I haven't had any trouble with that department since.

Joe
 

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Toys are always fun.

I don't find it hard to keep my emotions out of the mix but I'm a guy. I've met women like that too. They are always dangerous.

What's wrong with a good friend who you hook up with every so often - unless emotions do get involved and you take that risk.

Joe
 

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10X's/wk excluding oral!!!!!!!!!!:scratchhead::confused: How the heck is it possible to cheat?????

Frankly both of you have issues and need help as it is obvious she has serious issues that she was looking for sex while having a staggering amount at home.

And the fact you're complaining after 7 days!!!!!

I suggest you both need to see a counselor as there are obviously co-dependency and sex addiction (I don't throw that word around easily) issues to discuss.
 

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You won't die after 7 months, it just feels that way.

I am HD, but practiced voluntary celibacy for years. The most surprising thing I learned from going without was that after the initial discomfort, your body, and mind, does indeed adapt very well to having no sex. The more I had sex, or masturbated, the more my body craved it. The only way to stop the urges was to stop all sexual activity until my body stopped screaming.

But that might require a level of control that you either don't have, or are not interested in implementing. The only other suggestion I'd have is to find yourself a woman.
 

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Horning in here BeenHurt. ;). I feel your pain!
I'm in a very similar situation. I'm feeling pretty stir crazy. It's very distracting.

I wonder, forum people, if you'd give the same advice to me...

I know, though, I'm not into sex with strangers. And FWB... I'm thinking no. If I have enough of a connection with someone to have sex, then I'm in danger of becoming attached.
What's a horny-assed, soon-to-be-divorced girl to do?
Where's Tom Hanks when you need him?
Yes.

If you aren't in a relationship anymore (completely split), what's wrong with a woman getting some when she needs it as well?
 

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Well, we know who the nerds are. GO NERDS!
*reaches up for high five, everyone looks away, hand comes down, scratches nose*
 

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uhm sorry for the thoughtless hijack. Wasnt my intent.

It was my intent to inject that I agree it would be a pretty serious adjustment for someone like myself - or anyone that has had a very steady diet of physical and emotional sustenance over any number of years - like the OP.

My expectation is that it would be far more than 'simply' making a physical adjustment. I think that may agree with the OPs experience that 'self service' is simply not filling the void. There is more to it than simply ejaculation. Feels like horniness, but it is more than that, maybe.
 

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uhm sorry for the thoughtless hijack. Wasnt my intent.

It was my intent to inject that I agree it would be a pretty serious adjustment for someone like myself - or anyone that has had a very steady diet of physical and emotional sustenance over any number of years.

My expectation is that it would be far more than 'simply' making a physical adjustment. I think that may agree with the OPs experience that 'self service' is simply not filling the void. There is more to it than simply ejaculation.
I agree, about the hijack (sorry!),
and about it being more than the O.
 

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we'd usually be 10+ a week excluding oral, and it's killllling me, my testicles physically hurt they are struggling so much..almost every girl I see is insanely attractive, and everything about TV and music seems to have sexual references, or undertones.
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Am I the only flabbergasted reading this?????!!!!!!:confused: They both are having sex 10+x's/wk and she found time to cheat???? And no one outside me thinks that's a red flag????

I don't get you guys on TAM.......
 
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