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My marriage of 8 years should have fallen apart by now. Within the first year I learned my husband lied about smoking pot. No biggie, right? But a lie, nonetheless. I then happened across his frequent visits to porn websites when surfing the web. This was about 2 years into the marriage. Hurtful? Yes, it was. Mostly because he did it immediately after I walked out of the house and did his best to hide it and lied about it when I asked him. 3 years into the marriage he became addicted to Vicodin. He ignored me through a cancer diagnosis and subsequent surgery and tried to steal my pain medication. 5 years into the marriage he had an emotional long-distance relationship with an old girlfriend in another state. I learned of it because the woman's husband contacted me on facebook. Now, you're probably asking, why in the world would you still be with this man? The answer is, I don't know. I believe that I love him. I think the truth is I don't want to be alone, or I am afraid to be alone. Not sure why I am posting here, except I just need to get it out. I'm ashamed to tell my friends, plus I know they will tell me to leave him. I think he hasn't pulled any stunts in the last couple of years, but who knows? I don't look for deceptions and maybe I just haven't happened across any in awhile.
 

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Knowing what is really going on is probably a good idea as it can motivate you do to what needs to be done.. be it work on the marriage or leave.

If you are only staying because you are afraid to be alone, that's a bad idea. Tell your friends and family. Get their support to leave.

If you want to find out what is or is not going on now you will need to snoop. Asking him will not get you a truthful answer.
 

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My advice... Read The Cinderella Complex... Then leave.... It'd be one thing if you seemed happy otherwise, but you sound miserable!
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You should read a book called, TOO GOOD TO LEAVE, TOO BAD TO STAY. your relationship is one or the other, not both. And if from the start there were issues, then a serious commitment is going to be needed to fix them, or you are better off walking away while you can. You need to take your own happiness into consideration. What is your ideal marriage like? How did you envision your marriage going? Where can you be in a year, or five years if you move on? Will you be happier?
 
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