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Well, I obviously didn't go to MC today. I walked in after she had gone to MC, and it looked as though she had been crying. Just kept maintaining NC, said nothing and pretended that she was a ghost. Woohoo to small victories.
She’s crying for herself. She wasn’t ready for reality yet. You’ve ruined her long term plans.
 

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Discussion Starter · #282 ·
She’s crying for herself. She wasn’t ready for reality yet. You’ve ruined her long term plans.
Half of me thinks I gave her what she wants. She doesn't have to deal with me, unless it's dealing about the kid. Meanwhile she can go and date and screw whoever. I just need to have this divorce start moving.
 

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One day at a time. Don’t be upset with yourself if you slip at times because you’ve been in this dynamic a while and it takes like a “re-programming” to stop responding and allowing yourself to be sucked back into the drama. No contact is the only way - if you can block her and have her just use email to discuss the divorce, that would be best. And have her emails go to junk so you’re not checking it all the time. I wasn’t married to my ex bf who was abusive so I know you may have challenges ahead that I didn’t. But emotionally, you’ll get stronger the less contact you have with her.

And remove “friends” on social media who are connected with her. Literally block all roads that lead to her. You will find that some “friends” want to keep telling you about her and keep the drama going.

It’s a lot to take in but if you commit to staying true to yourself one day at a time, it will get better. One day you’ll wake up, and she will be a distant memory and you can use the experience to help others going through the same things you once did.

The real lesson you’ll actually come away with is - how did I let this happen? And once you work on ways to improve your self-esteem, no contact will become more effortless. You’ll see.😌
well put
 

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If I'm being completely honest with myself. Her love was what kept me hanging on. When she said that, I was like this is messed up. Not sure why that was the trigger to push me over the edge, but it was.
unfortunately because you trully loved her , this was something u unfortunately needed to help you move forward and realize you cannot go back. im sorry your dealing with this but one step forward is what you need to do.. when someone truelly loves they put themselves in a position where they can be hurt beyond measure and are at the mercy of the one they love especially when they have commiteed themselves to that person and loving them.. thats love and now the one person you loved has done the unspeakable countless times and now you honestly know where they stand. when in doubt just remember her actions and even though you where willing to work it through you have realized you cant change anyone especially someone that doesnt love you the way you love them... So by all means never go back , be strong and never blame yourself. you gave it your all and that is whats most important .. dont continue to sacrifice who you are for a lost cause.. im sorry but everything you have done and tried lets me know that your love was guiniue but its not for her any longer you deserve soo much better even thuogh it doesnt seem like it now but you do. i think her not answering you about loving you was a blessing its what you needed to know in your heart to cement your actions of never looking back getting her completly out of you life . soo sorry for you
 

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Yeah, I'm not. I'm just surprised that she really hasn't had a reaction to getting served.
the things that concern you are the things that concern someone who has trully loved and devoted themselves to someone and thats what keeps you looking for clues that dont really mean aynthing but we convive ourselves they do!! , why would you expect her to have a reaction? thats your heart looking for something to see that she is hurting, but that may play several tricks on you
1) Maybe she has realized her mistake ?? so finally she will change and yes she now sees what she had and will now miss -- that will never be and i guarantee if u see it its to get you back and continue her emotional abuse
2)makes you feel better momentarily - which is okay but continuing down that road now , looking for those signs and things that dont matter anymore is like a drug to validate what your doing and feeling and that road only leds to you being stuck and not moving forward... dont get me wrong when we have all been hurt we all want that but now is not the time to be distracted by those things .. you will get your validation when your divorced and doing better and you life has starting moving forward again.. but make sure you work on yourself change your lifestyle get in shape continue to be the dad you have been and as time goes on when she sees how happy your are and you have not let yourself go you will start seeing how much she realizes what she let go even if she doesnt atleast now you wil be at a place where you can honestly say I dont give a **** !!! ANd bevause you worked on youself for the better you will attract people like that and who knows maybe find the right women down the road

Because of your actions, because you gave it your all , because you didnt quit until you had no choice that is what you son will see and come to learn that his dad did .. he will also learn as he matures how grateful he is that you never keeped him in an abuse environment . and you left because you needed him to have the best life possible and that meant not being with his mother .

you are a gentleman and a really good Dad , most of us would never have been able to be as pateint and even try to look past the infidelity as you where wilingl to do especially if the SO acted like yours did for soo long.. and that is why you did all you could as a human who is not perfect and there is nobody who is!!

let that chapter of your life go its going to be extremely hard if it where easy everyone would do it , but the constant theme is time heals and helps you not regret the choice you have made and it affords you the cahnce down the road to love again but you have to work onyourself(by that i mean dont allow yourself to let this ruin you as a person) . Unfortunatlety you have walked the walk and i know your son will grow up knowing he should never accept infidelity and if it happens its okay if he leaves and not blame himself and his dad will never think he is a failure and if it does happen he will have you there for him!!!
 

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That's one of my favorite quotes. It's so true. Do not stop in the middle. Do not go back. Go all the way through.
If you stop, it ends up being that Hotel California.
You can stay as long as you like, but you can never leave!
 

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Sheriff finally served her yesterday. She sent me a text asking about her expired passport. I ignored, and am keeping on keeping on.
She does not need a passport to go to Hell.

There is no border fence, and all waywards are welcome.
 

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Discussion Starter · #296 · (Edited)
the things that concern you are the things that concern someone who has trully loved and devoted themselves to someone and thats what keeps you looking for clues that dont really mean aynthing but we convive ourselves they do!! , why would you expect her to have a reaction? thats your heart looking for something to see that she is hurting, but that may play several tricks on you
1) Maybe she has realized her mistake ?? so finally she will change and yes she now sees what she had and will now miss -- that will never be and i guarantee if u see it its to get you back and continue her emotional abuse
2)makes you feel better momentarily - which is okay but continuing down that road now , looking for those signs and things that dont matter anymore is like a drug to validate what your doing and feeling and that road only leds to you being stuck and not moving forward... dont get me wrong when we have all been hurt we all want that but now is not the time to be distracted by those things .. you will get your validation when your divorced and doing better and you life has starting moving forward again.. but make sure you work on yourself change your lifestyle get in shape continue to be the dad you have been and as time goes on when she sees how happy your are and you have not let yourself go you will start seeing how much she realizes what she let go even if she doesnt atleast now you wil be at a place where you can honestly say I dont give a **** !!! ANd bevause you worked on youself for the better you will attract people like that and who knows maybe find the right women down the road

Because of your actions, because you gave it your all , because you didnt quit until you had no choice that is what you son will see and come to learn that his dad did .. he will also learn as he matures how grateful he is that you never keeped him in an abuse environment . and you left because you needed him to have the best life possible and that meant not being with his mother .

you are a gentleman and a really good Dad , most of us would never have been able to be as pateint and even try to look past the infidelity as you where wilingl to do especially if the SO acted like yours did for soo long.. and that is why you did all you could as a human who is not perfect and there is nobody who is!!

let that chapter of your life go its going to be extremely hard if it where easy everyone would do it , but the constant theme is time heals and helps you not regret the choice you have made and it affords you the cahnce down the road to love again but you have to work onyourself(by that i mean dont allow yourself to let this ruin you as a person) . Unfortunatlety you have walked the walk and i know your son will grow up knowing he should never accept infidelity and if it happens its okay if he leaves and not blame himself and his dad will never think he is a failure and if it does happen he will have you there for him!!!

the things that concern you are the things that concern someone who has trully loved and devoted themselves to someone and thats what keeps you looking for clues that dont really mean aynthing but we convive ourselves they do!! , why would you expect her to have a reaction? thats your heart looking for something to see that she is hurting, but that may play several tricks on you
1) Maybe she has realized her mistake ?? so finally she will change and yes she now sees what she had and will now miss -- that will never be and i guarantee if u see it its to get you back and continue her emotional abuse
2)makes you feel better momentarily - which is okay but continuing down that road now , looking for those signs and things that dont matter anymore is like a drug to validate what your doing and feeling and that road only leds to you being stuck and not moving forward... dont get me wrong when we have all been hurt we all want that but now is not the time to be distracted by those things .. you will get your validation when your divorced and doing better and you life has starting moving forward again.. but make sure you work on yourself change your lifestyle get in shape continue to be the dad you have been and as time goes on when she sees how happy your are and you have not let yourself go you will start seeing how much she realizes what she let go even if she doesnt atleast now you wil be at a place where you can honestly say I dont give a **** !!! ANd bevause you worked on youself for the better you will attract people like that and who knows maybe find the right women down the road

Because of your actions, because you gave it your all , because you didnt quit until you had no choice that is what you son will see and come to learn that his dad did .. he will also learn as he matures how grateful he is that you never keeped him in an abuse environment . and you left because you needed him to have the best life possible and that meant not being with his mother .

you are a gentleman and a really good Dad , most of us would never have been able to be as pateint and even try to look past the infidelity as you where wilingl to do especially if the SO acted like yours did for soo long.. and that is why you did all you could as a human who is not perfect and there is nobody who is!!

let that chapter of your life go its going to be extremely hard if it where easy everyone would do it , but the constant theme is time heals and helps you not regret the choice you have made and it affords you the cahnce down the road to love again but you have to work onyourself(by that i mean dont allow yourself to let this ruin you as a person) . Unfortunatlety you have walked the walk and i know your son will grow up knowing he should never accept infidelity and if it happens its okay if he leaves and not blame himself and his dad will never think he is a failure and if it does happen he will have you there for him!!!
Thanks. I think it's about 11 years down the tube and to get no response? I mean to me it's kinda crazy. Even if I saw her breakdown it wouldn't matter, I'd still continue with the D, it'd just be nice to know that 11 years meant something/anything to her.
 

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Who knows what's in her mind. . .
-maybe she knows your done with her 100% & is in shock cos she wasn't expecting it,
-maybe she feels shame and is unable to say anything, I mean what can she say,
-maybe she's with AP though I'm sensing she's not,
-maybe she's doing gray rock.
I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that it didn't mean anything to her.
Nobody stays in a marriage that long, & especially have a kid, if it doesn't mean anything.

Why is she renewing her passport? An odd think to do in the midst of all this. I'd be curious.

You're doing great. Kudos for having the courage to act so quickly on this. Most don't cos it's so difficult to see it for what it is and act quickly.
 

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Discussion Starter · #298 ·
Who knows what's in her mind. . .
-maybe she knows your done with her 100% & is in shock cos she wasn't expecting it,
-maybe she feels shame and is unable to say anything, I mean what can she say,
-maybe she's with AP though I'm sensing she's not,
-maybe she's doing gray rock.
I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that it didn't mean anything to her.
Nobody stays in a marriage that long, & especially have a kid, if it doesn't mean anything.

Why is she renewing her passport? An odd think to do in the midst of all this. I'd be curious.

You're doing great. Kudos for having the courage to act so quickly on this. Most don't cos it's so difficult to see it for what it is and act quickly.
Honestly, I was hoping she is/was with AP, so that hopefully my divorce will go quicker and smoother. As far as the passport, I have no idea. It was expired, so maybe she just wants to renew it? It expired in December. I mean when I gave her divorce papers the first time (Didn't have her served, just e-mailed them to her, and said I want out) The first thing she did was go out and got a new cell phone and plan off of mine. Now the day she get's served she wants to renew her passport. Just really odd behavior. I like the one posters suggestion, maybe she is on a work visa to hell lol
 

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Honestly, I was hoping she is/was with AP, so that hopefully my divorce will go quicker and smoother. As far as the passport, I have no idea. It was expired, so maybe she just wants to renew it? It expired in December. I mean when I gave her divorce papers the first time (Didn't have her served, just e-mailed them to her, and said I want out) The first thing she did was go out and got a new cell phone and plan off of mine. Now the day she get's served she wants to renew her passport. Just really odd behavior. I like the one posters suggestion, maybe she is on a work visa to hell lol
I'd be careful -- make sure that your kid either DOESN'T have a passport, or YOU have it in your possession. Don't want her running off with your kid...
 
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