[Openminded]

She did it because she could. Doesn’t mean you have to get pulled into her drama and if you go you will. The answer is no.

 

[ABHale]

So update. Another week of no contact. Went away for the weekend, then this morning I get an e-mail in my e-mail box, about a confirmed marriage counseling appointment, supposidly for me and her. Have no clue why she would schedule it, after what happened last Monday. Haven't said a word to her since. Feel like this might be a trap to get me to talk to her/give her a reaction. Why in the F*ck would I want to go to marriage counseling, when she can't be trusted and puts everything on me. Is there any circumstance that I should show up to this clusterf*ck of a MC session? I don't see any reason to, and I'm tempted to just pretend I never got the e-mail.

Unless she believes it will help her in the divorce. “See I tried to get MC and he never showed up.”

At a loss of why she would do it otherwise.

 

[Rus47]

I just don't get it. I'd rather go see the dentist than go to MC again. Why would I go there? Why couldn't she just say whatever she has to say to me, and let me decide? And who TF gets to schedule me for therapy? Like you should be asking if I even want to go. Which I don't. She is F***ing nuts. Let me tell you, the Yo-Yoing just makes me want to get a one way ticket, for me and my kid to a non-extradition country and start over.

Maybe you are unintentionally onto something here. Is it possible she has some type of actual mental illness? The whipsawing of things she does and says. One time calm and collected, next crazy. One minute telling you to get lost, next scheduling MC without asking. Unstable is the thought that comes to mind. Her behavior sounds bizarre, and another reason to stay away from her as much as feasible. You can't deal rationally with an irrational person.

Have you discussed this with your attorney? How to protect yourself and your child? Are you carrying a VAR with you anytime she is in your presence?

 

[Captainjacksparrow84]

Maybe you are unintentionally onto something here. Is it possible she has some type of actual mental illness? The whipsawing of things she does and says. One time calm and collected, next crazy. One minute telling you to get lost, next scheduling MC without asking. Unstable is the thought that comes to mind. Her behavior sounds bizarre, and another reason to stay away from her as much as feasible. You can't deal rationally with an irrational person.

Have you discussed this with your attorney? How to protect yourself and your child? Are you carrying a VAR with you anytime she is in your presence?

Yes I have a Var that I'm carrying. Although it really hasn't picked up anything because I haven't been talking to her. I think her behavior is bizarre and it certainly isn't rationale. I mean take the day I broke NC and talked to her, and she was deep and emotional etc. Then a day later whack, I'm done with this blah blah blah. Now she is on her own for a week, having to actually be a mom for a full week and weekend, and then first thing monday morning schedules MC without even telling me? I'm not going but like wow the whipsaw.

We went to MC before, but it went nowhere. I was always being pressed on to do more things around the house etc, when she fundamentally wouldn't do anything. Wouldn't just talk to AP2 like a co-worker, she had to be friendly because thats who she is. Wouldn't put Life 360 on her phone, or give me her phone password. Like, she didn't change at all. Now all the sudden, she is going to have to be on her own, and take care of the kid by herself for a week and can't go to the gym in the mornings, and she wants to talk? She can get bent. I'm not a plan b.

The irony of the whole thing, is under the 50/50 temporary custody thing we are doing now. I have to do less around the house, because I'm not watching him right after school, and trying to cook dinner my nights, and trying to give him a bath, and reading him stories and putting him to bed. On my week off, I actually have time to go for a longer run with the dog. I get to relax in my pool/ hot tub. Don't get me wrong. I love my kid, and if my wife said you can have full custody of him, and never contact us again. I'd take that offer in a heart beat. It is kind of nice though, that she fixated on me never doing enough, and now ironically I'm going to be doing none of it for her, and now she wants to try MC. Just kind of humorous.

 

[Imnobodynew]

Yes I have a Var that I'm carrying. Although it really hasn't picked up anything because I haven't been talking to her. I think her behavior is bizarre and it certainly isn't rationale. I mean take the day I broke NC and talked to her, and she was deep and emotional etc. Then a day later whack, I'm done with this blah blah blah. Now she is on her own for a week, having to actually be a mom for a full week and weekend, and then first thing monday morning schedules MC without even telling me? I'm not going but like wow the whipsaw.

We went to MC before, but it went nowhere. I was always being pressed on to do more things around the house etc, when she fundamentally wouldn't do anything. Wouldn't just talk to AP2 like a co-worker, she had to be friendly because thats who she is. Wouldn't put Life 360 on her phone, or give me her phone password. Like, she didn't change at all. Now all the sudden, she is going to have to be on her own, and take care of the kid by herself for a week and can't go to the gym in the mornings, and she wants to talk? She can get bent. I'm not a plan b.

The irony of the whole thing, is under the 50/50 temporary custody thing we are doing now. I have to do less around the house, because I'm not watching him right after school, and trying to cook dinner my nights, and trying to give him a bath, and reading him stories and putting him to bed. On my week off, I actually have time to go for a longer run with the dog. I get to relax in my pool/ hot tub. Don't get me wrong. I love my kid, and if my wife said you can have full custody of him, and never contact us again. I'd take that offer in a heart beat. It is kind of nice though, that she fixated on me never doing enough, and now ironically I'm going to be doing none of it for her, and now she wants to try MC. Just kind of humorous.
[/QUOTE

Not that it matters. As I mentioned in the DM, she might be trying to cover her bases so she can blame it on you (she did everything). I think she is just trying to relieve her guilt

 

[Divinely Favored]

So update. Another week of no contact. Went away for the weekend, then this morning I get an e-mail in my e-mail box, about a confirmed marriage counseling appointment, supposidly for me and her. Have no clue why she would schedule it, after what happened last Monday. Haven't said a word to her since. Feel like this might be a trap to get me to talk to her/give her a reaction. Why in the **** would I want to go to marriage counseling, when she can't be trusted and puts everything on me. Is there any circumstance that I should show up to this clusterfuck of a MC session? I don't see any reason to, and I'm tempted to just pretend I never got the e-mail.

Reply to email to cancel it.

 

[Divinely Favored]

Unless she believes it will help her in the divorce. “See I tried to get MC and he never showed up.”

At a loss of why she would do it otherwise.

Mark unread and push to SPAM folder.

 

[Cynthia]

Was the email from your wife or the counseling office?

 

[farsidejunky]

She wants you to move; to react; to show her she still has space in your head.

It is ego kibbles for her...nothing more.

Radio silence is your best option.

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk

 

[re16]

Seems like my advice will be an outlier here, but since you have a 4 year old with her, I would think some communication will need to continue.

I would respond and say 'I am not attending counseling with you because we are divorcing, only contact me on matters regarding our child"

 

[Captainjacksparrow84]

Was the email from your wife or the counseling office?

Yes. So when an appointment is scheduled, it goes to both parties email boxes. She hasn't discussed it with me, or said anything about it.

 

[Captainjacksparrow84]

Seems like my advice will be an outlier here, but since you have a 4 year old with her, I would think some communication will need to continue.

I would respond and say 'I am not attending counseling with you because we are divorcing, only contact me on matters regarding our child"

After I talked to her the last time, I really don't want to say anything to her. If she wanted me to go to counseling. She could have said "I scheduled an appointment for us, I would really like you to to go" but who knows this could all just be another trap, or another ego kibbles thing to get me to acknowledge her. Right now I've been treating her as though she is a ghost. I don't say anything to her, don't look at her. Walk right by her etc.

 

[Captainjacksparrow84]

She wants you to move; to react; to show her she still has space in your head.

It is ego kibbles for her...nothing more.

Radio silence is your best option.

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk

Yeah, whats messed up is that, any reaction or any confirmation that I even got the e-mail seems as though its a kibble. So I'm not going to say anything or show up.

 

[farsidejunky]

Yeah, whats messed up is that, any reaction or any confirmation that I even got the e-mail seems as though its a kibble. So I'm not going to say anything or show up.

Good.

One of the hardest things for sane folks to understand when dealing with cluster B people is to be still in the face of their crazy.

Every bit of attention/emotion/time/acknowledgement one provides is like adding gasoline to a fire.

The best thing they can do is learn to be still.

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk

 

[Cynthia]

Yes. So when an appointment is scheduled, it goes to both parties email boxes. She hasn't discussed it with me, or said anything about it.

My only concern is that if she doesn't show up, you might get charged for the visit. It might be a good idea to call the counseling office and ask them to remove your name from the appointment. You don't need to give them an explanation.

 

[bygone]

Even your posts here are telling that you are trying to find hope instead of leaving. Lucky for you, your wife didn't give you an excuse to stay married.

Life after divorce offers more options for men, having your wife spend time with the child will be fatal to her relationships. her chances of a healthy relationship or marriage are harder than you.

 

[Marc878]

So update. Another week of no contact. Went away for the weekend, then this morning I get an e-mail in my e-mail box, about a confirmed marriage counseling appointment, supposidly for me and her. Have no clue why she would schedule it, after what happened last Monday. Haven't said a word to her since. Feel like this might be a trap to get me to talk to her/give her a reaction. Why in the **** would I want to go to marriage counseling, when she can't be trusted and puts everything on me. Is there any circumstance that I should show up to this clusterfuck of a MC session? I don't see any reason to, and I'm tempted to just pretend I never got the e-mail.

Beware! A lot of marriage counselors are rug sweepers. Waste of time and money. Under the circumstances I wouldn’t go.

 

[Marc878]

We went to MC before, but it went nowhere. I was always being pressed on to do more things around the house etc, when she fundamentally wouldn't do anything. Wouldn't just talk to AP2 like a co-worker, she had to be friendly because thats who she is. Wouldn't put Life 360 on her phone, or give me her phone password. Like, she didn't change at all. Now all the sudden, she is going to have to be on her own, and take care of the kid by herself for a week and can't go to the gym in the mornings, and she wants to talk? She can get bent. I'm not a plan b.


The irony of the whole thing, is under the 50/50 temporary custody thing we are doing now. I have to do less around the house, because I'm not watching him right after school, and trying to cook dinner my nights, and trying to give him a bath, and reading him stories and putting him to bed. On my week off, I actually have time to go for a longer run with the dog. I get to relax in my pool/ hot tub. Don't get me wrong. I love my kid, and if my wife said you can have full custody of him, and never contact us again. I'd take that offer in a heart beat. It is kind of nice though, that she fixated on me never doing enough, and now ironically I'm going to be doing none of it for her, and now she wants to try MC. Just kind of humorous.

From what I’ve seen pretty typical. You must be friends with poor muffin. Do it for the children. I cringe every time I hear that one. She didn’t care in the least about destroying the family, kids or anything else. Until it suits here.
No contact is your best path forward. Kids have to adjust to divorce anyway so there’s no better time to set the rules. No contact is up to you. No one else gets a say in that.

 

[*Deidre*]

I just don't get it. I'd rather go see the dentist than go to MC again. Why would I go there? Why couldn't she just say whatever she has to say to me, and let me decide? And who TF gets to schedule me for therapy? Like you should be asking if I even want to go. Which I don't. She is F***ing nuts. Let me tell you, the Yo-Yoing just makes me want to get a one way ticket, for me and my kid to a non-extradition country and start over.

It's just a ruse in my opinion to get you to react, and to respond to her. She sounds narcissistic, and they just...can't help it.

Staying NC is the only way to stop the madness. If you respond, the games begin again, and it puts you back onto the roller coaster. That's all they want, to know that they can eff with you. Just knowing is enough for them.

Continue being strong.

 

[Rus47]

@Captainjacksparrow84: What has your attorney said about the timeline for separating finances, separate maintenance, divorce? In your state, how long does the whole mess take? In other words, when are you free to begin living your new life without the STBXW hanging around bothering you? I am guessing you are in your very early thirties, so a lifetime awaits you to meet/date women worthy of your time. You will likely be very surprised how much fun you will have and how much less stress will be in your life. The quicker you are shed of the serial cheater the happier you will be.

You are already realizing that not doing all of the housework frees up a lot of time to do things you enjoy,