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Discussion Starter #1
I don’t know what else to do. My wife of 15 years acts as if I am her employee and she is the boss. I can’t be around her or talk to her through the phone/text without it turning into another chore for me to complete. She CONSTANTLY tells me to do things and it's getting very annoying. Sometimes she asks me to do things, like load or unload the dishwasher, while she is sitting on the couch on her phone. I can’t talk to her about how her constant “order giving” makes me feel because then she’ll turn it around on me to accuse me of never helping out. Whenever I ask her to do things she gives me an excuse as to why she can’t do it and I can. If I sit down and talk to her about this she’ll get very defensive and a fight will happen. Last night, I was busy doing something else when she called my name out three times in the span of 15 minutes to do random things around the house. I can’t take it anymore but I also don’t want to face the fight that is sure to happen. I need advice!
 

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Read ...

No More Mr. Nice Guy
Book by Robert A. Glover

And ....

The Rational Male -: Positive Masculinity
Book by Rollo Tomasi.
 

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Your lacking internal strength maybe you can improve your beta life to a mix with alpha standard.
 

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Well, do you do it? Don't do it.

Does she do her fair share around the house? Or is she just a lazy spoiled invalid that married someone to be her butler?

The other option is to get a large dog shock collar and shock her everytime she starts bossing you around to train her with negative reinforcement. The only downside is she will probably just take it off.
 

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Of course I do it, otherwise it turns into her nagging me more.
That only keeps you stuck in the cycle. She's a big girl...if she needs something done while you're ALREADY doing something...she can handle it. Tell her so. She's not a lion and she's not going to eat you if you disagree or pass it along to her. If she can't handle that...that's on her, not you.
 

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I have and she still comes up with excuses why she can't do it.
If she can't or doesn't want to do them herself, huge bummer. They don't get done. She can * and whine and complain and nag you all she wants. It shouldn't effect you the way you're letting it effect you. YOU are choosing to continue to do these things and she is seeing that. That is why she keeps nagging. She nags, you do whatever it is she wants. She has learned that, just like a child learns that when they whine, they get the treat/toy/what they want.
 

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You need to find your manhood and cut this crap right away.

This is exactly how women start to lose respect for their partner. When they see that you are a weak, and accomodating doormat that doesn't have the character and fortitude to stand up for himself.

Next, they start to compare you with the alpha males that they encounter in their daily life, and before you know it, you've been replaced by a strong male and you are left wondering what the heck just happened.

Please, read on these forums and you will read about men like you that just were hit the same and are trying to comprehend what just happened to them. It happens all the time.
 

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Of course I do it, otherwise it turns into her nagging me more.
See, this is what I don't understand. As an adult I've been in a 16 year marriage, another very long term relationship, not to mention having long term boyfriends as a very young woman.

I'll tell you this: if I had directed orders like this at ANY one of these men-- men spanning different ages, personalities, temperaments, backgrounds, and decades, they ALL would have looked at me like I was crazy, and said something along the lines of -- what's wrong with you, don't speak to me like that--- and it would have put a most definite chill on the relationship and the way they related to me.

It blows my mind that not only does your wife not suffer relational consequences for speaking to you like this, but that you ACTUALLY DO what she orders you to.
 

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I don’t know what else to do. My wife of 15 years acts as if I am her employee and she is the boss. I can’t be around her or talk to her through the phone/text without it turning into another chore for me to complete. She CONSTANTLY tells me to do things and it's getting very annoying. Sometimes she asks me to do things, like load or unload the dishwasher, while she is sitting on the couch on her phone. I can’t talk to her about how her constant “order giving” makes me feel because then she’ll turn it around on me to accuse me of never helping out. Whenever I ask her to do things she gives me an excuse as to why she can’t do it and I can. If I sit down and talk to her about this she’ll get very defensive and a fight will happen. Last night, I was busy doing something else when she called my name out three times in the span of 15 minutes to do random things around the house. I can’t take it anymore but I also don’t want to face the fight that is sure to happen. I need advice!
And you allow this because....?
 

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She CONSTANTLY tells me to do things and it's getting very annoying. Sometimes she asks me to do things, like load or unload the dishwasher, while she is sitting on the couch on her phone. I can’t talk to her about how her constant “order giving” makes me feel because then she’ll turn it around on me to accuse me of never helping out.
Wow, your wife must be a distant relative of my (not soon enough) STBXW, or at least drink from the same water supply! I have a similar post started in the "Mental Health" section because, in my wife's case it really is a mental health issue--she's a teenager trapped in a grown woman's body! She'll literally sit around moping that she "can't breath" around the house because it's so messy, but then just sit there on the phone--texting, Facebook, video chat with her girlfriends--while I'm in the kitchen slaving away over dishes and our preschool-aged daughter is leaving a path of destruction in the living room! Finally, she'll put down the phone and then yell at our daughter to clean up her toys and blame me for not making our daughter clean up--and, oh, I need to help our daughter clean up because "she did it the last time"!

And, of course, you have enough TAM men saying "man up"! Man up and do what? Yellers don't back down when you yell back at them--they just get louder, angrier and use even nastier language--in my case in front of our daughter no less. Even worse, she'll gaslight me, grab my daughter and retreat upstairs, saying, "Daddy's angry again! He can clean it all up himself"!

It doesn't get any better; and at least be thankful your teenager-acting wife isn't using your young offspring as a shield!
 

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Discussion Starter #19
When I told her to stop it last night it exploded into a fight which is still going on. I'm at work and she's at home not responding to any of my texts. This will happen for a day or so then she'll demand a gift from me.


Wow, your wife must be a distant relative of my (not soon enough) STBXW, or at least drink from the same water supply! I have a similar post started in the "Mental Health" section because, in my wife's case it really is a mental health issue--she's a teenager trapped in a grown woman's body! She'll literally sit around moping that she "can't breath" around the house because it's so messy, but then just sit there on the phone--texting, Facebook, video chat with her girlfriends--while I'm in the kitchen slaving away over dishes and our preschool-aged daughter is leaving a path of destruction in the living room! Finally, she'll put down the phone and then yell at our daughter to clean up her toys and blame me for not making our daughter clean up--and, oh, I need to help our daughter clean up because "she did it the last time"!

And, of course, you have enough TAM men saying "man up"! Man up and do what? Yellers don't back down when you yell back at them--they just get louder, angrier and use even nastier language--in my case in front of our daughter no less. Even worse, she'll gaslight me, grab my daughter and retreat upstairs, saying, "Daddy's angry again! He can clean it all up himself"!

It doesn't get any better; and at least be thankful your teenager-acting wife isn't using your young offspring as a shield!
 

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Well, do you do it? Don't do it.

Does she do her fair share around the house? Or is she just a lazy spoiled invalid that married someone to be her butler?

The other option is to get a large dog shock collar and shock her everytime she starts bossing you around to train her with negative reinforcement. The only downside is she will probably just take it off.
Lol, you bad😁
 
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