My husband and I have been in a toxic relationship for 12 years. I have always felt that he didn’t love me and was only with me because of our son. I have always felt that he was lying or cheating however I have never found 100% proof. I feel he is just really good at hiding it. I feel like I can relate to the term gaslighting and have quite often feel he is to blame for a lot of our issues. I have caught him in lies and suspected lies for years. After finding an email address (all emails were deleted)!in his gmail account that he left open. The email address was trashy and was not work related. When I questioned this email address he got severely pissed and I’m not sure if it’s because I looked at it or because he nearly got caught. He claims he’s sick of the accusations. He pointed out that I am very controlling and super jealous. I never considered myself as controlling, jealous and low self esteem with insecurities yes! So how do I know when it’s time to give up on this marriage? I don’t know if he is really good at this game or if I am the toxic one with controlling issues. I need help in determining if this is my fault. If I do leave him (I am on the fence for many reasons) will I just ruin future relationships with this same controlling behaviour? I was married before for 10 years and didn’t have the same issues with him. Why do I not trust this one? What should I do?