Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 7 of 7 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
149 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
For the first time in almost 4 months, I have had a great day!
In a nutshell. H had a sexting relationship with an excowoker of ours – he instigated it, same old BS that he didn’t get enough sex from me, needed attention…blah blah blah..

Working thru all of that with open communication with H, but had questions about a possible actual PA – actual hook up. He originally trickled some things to me about the sexting, but always denied the PA. I spent 2 months getting thru the sexting, and the last 6 weeks questioning the PA. There was no evidence that he did it, but none that he didn’t…It was very difficult to believe anything he said since he betrayed me with the sexting relationship.

This past week, I did something that could’ve been really stupid. I contacted her. Really dumb because I had originally contacted her right after D-day in June and said really bad things to her, and she came back with some words, but nothing conclusive. Regardless, the things I said to her were vulgar and disgusting…
Which is fine.

But, this time I had a “chat” with her – via FB. I pretty much asked her why she would take her clothes off for a man whom she knows is married, and send pix when they hadn’t seen e/o in over 3 years, and get involved. He told me WHY he did it – was very honest. He wanted that attention, the words of someone wanting him, that fantasy – and he knew she would do it if he persisted. Sucks yes, but he never tried to blame anything on her; he was honest with me what he did and why he did it. When I asked “why her?” His answer was, “I knew she would”.

So now was my time to find out from her…why, after not seeing a man for 3 years, he asks you to do this, and you do it?
Her response first was, “he asked me for so long, I broke down”. I told her I had the text messages and I could see it was 3 times in a course of a week, I don’t think it’s that long. She responded that she liked the attention, she’s not a “ho” and she wouldn’t have done it for anyone else – but she has always really liked him, always wished she was me, and it was nice to be wanted….again, blah blah blah. And how she thanked God that her chance to be with my H finally came….

So instead of attacking, I killed her with kindness. Apologized for the nasty texts soon after D-day. Told her that she didn’t break vows, that was my H’s fault (which is true). She ended up confessing things to me about herself that H had no clue of – Like, she thought that he really liked her, and that if they did hook up in person, that he would realize they were to be together and he’d leave me.

I played it really cool and said, “Is that what you really thought?” She said, “yes but then when he broke it off he called and said that it was all wrong and that he realized he needs to put energy into the marriage with you. It floored me. How could he do this to me!” She went on to say, “He said that when I started sending the ‘Good Mornings’ and the ‘Just thinkin about you’, that he realized how wrong this is. I still don’t understand, I thought we were falling in love. He manipulated me!”

My response was, “yes, did you not understand that when you haven’t seen or heard from a man in 3 years, and he’s playing with you asking for t*tty shots, that it’s not really about feelings? Especially a married one?”

She said, “I thought that we would get together after all the sexting, and that he’d see my face, and look in my eyes and it would cinch it - that we were meant to be together. I thought he would then tell you about it and we’d start dating or whatever.”

Ok, this almost made me fall over – either laughing at her or feeling sorry for how stupid she is.

My response was, “I can’t speak for him.. But as a woman, you should know that playing with a married man rarely means you’ll be together”. She said, “I know, I thought this was different. He owes me an apology, as I owe you one”. Then more blah blah blah… About how sorry she was. And how it ended so abruptly, and she was asking – without REALLY asking – ME to feel sorry enough for her that I would talk H into calling her to explain and apologize! LOL

I did tell H about it this evening. He said he didn’t care that we were talking, and that he did feel bad that he manipulated her into sending that first pic, and it went on from there to full sexting..but that he never thought she developed feelings, and when it became apparent, that’s when it scared him. He just wanted a sex buddy. He also said he had nothing to apologize for; that she knew exactly what he wanted.

I feel good in four ways.
1 – I believe he hasn’t contacted her at all since he broke it off (before I even found out).
2 – He was in it for sexual gratification, nothing else. (Not like that is OK – but he told me the truth about all of that).
3 - He thought she was a pervert like him, but nope – he played with another person’s life, and f-d her up like he did me.
4– She’s twice as stupid as I thought she was.

Anyway, that’s the jist of it. I have had – since June – full access to email, phone records, texts etc. I work with him, we're together 24/7. I know they haven’t talked. I am 99.9% sure I know most everything there is to know, and he was not lying about possible PA.

I told him that if wishes to contact her to apologize, he can. I'm actually a little disheartened that he could be so careless with someone's feelings anyway, to be honest. But he doesn’t want to - which was the right answer for me!. He wanted her for one thing, and he’s realized how dumb that was – and that yes, he manipulated her into sending the photos, he did nothing to make her think he was ever leaving me, or it was anything beyond physical.

While I’m still working on how I’m feeling, working on forgiving, and cannot promise a tomorrow, I do feel a little weight lifted.

And I had a great day at work, had some fun afterwards with friends, and had the first “normal” day (almost)…since June!

Oh, and I then ended it by saying I’m not her shoulder to cry on…find help if you need it, but please don’t contact me again. She followed up in closing with, "You've been married a long time. Don't let it end without a fight. I didn't try hard enough to save mine and have regretted it for the past 8 years."

I hit delete. Blocked her from my Facebook....And laughed my @$$ off.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,306 Posts
It's always refreshing to find out the grass your husband dallied on wasn't green at all.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
33 Posts
I know this sounds a bit out there......but if it were me and you had all that proof...naked pictures that she texted your husband, text messages, etc. I would scare the crap out of her by reminding her that in some states you have the right to sue the OW for "alienation of affection".

I don't know if I would have the guts to actually follow through but it sure would make her think twice before she breaks up someone elses marriage. Todays world is so crazy....morals, integrity, ethics....don't seem to exist anymore. How you could live with someone, sleep next to them, tell them you love them, have a family together and then lie to their face every day....I couldn't could live with myself causing someone that much pain.

Here is the CBS link on it:

"When a marriage breaks up, there sometimes can be a third party. But being the "other man" or "other woman" can cost you: In seven states, you can sue the woman or man you believe broke up your marriage. And recently, this centuries' old law helped one North Carolina woman win big -- $9 million big.

Under a law called "alienation of affection" Cynthia Shackelford, 60, of Raleigh, sued Anne Lundquist, 49, of Aurora, N.Y., charging that she broke up her marriage.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
956 Posts
Sue? Litigation is for those with money kitkat, if you were to pull anything evil share those pics, conversations, and evidence with the OW HR at work, OW parents, OWH, OW neighbors etc
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
845 Posts
If she tries to contact him again, make a fake facebook account, friend her on it, upload the pics and tag her in them for her entire list to see. -_-
Thats a pretty good idea,LOL...you have me thinking of my playing my Husband X OW........Just to see if she would take the bait...My H is off FB, but if I set up a false account in his name and friend requested her...I wonder what she would do...

Thsi is a good idea...I think the OP should try this...if nothing more for peace of mind or some really good laughs,LOL:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
6,984 Posts
I almost feel bad for her utter stupidity. Some just don't grow in her mind. Your H took advantage of her naivety and stupidity. (when he said he knew she wouldn't refuse him.)

I am not sure about the apology though. Maybe he does not want to apologize for his own reasons ? He led her on for naked pics and is ashamed to face her ?
 
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top