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Well, I say considering, I'm looking for an apartment already and my wife knows my intentions, though I think she doubts I will go through with them.
Where do I start? I really don't know. I need advice.
My wife and I have been having a tough time since we married. We married relatively quickly, and I believe I was in love with her when we did, and she was in love with me.
The last 5 years have been TOUGH! We argue about practically everything, even the simplest of discussions can become an argument. I'm totally fed up and I just want to give in and have been thinking the same more or less since a few months in to our marriage.
She more or less has me convinced that I am just a horrible person. Though, she has never said that so plainly. She complains and criticizes me when I do things my own way, or on my own initiative. A few examples are anything from how to stack the dishwasher correctly (read: her way) to how to change our 2 year old's nappy. What clothes he should wear? I use my initiative, but she normally ends up swapping out some of the attire I have chosen for something more "suitable". And I literally mean that she has something to say about nearly everything I do.
When it comes to arguments, she is extremely good at getting her own way and putting her ideas across, or gives in with a "you decide it's your life" then is in a mood until I apologise or put things right. Though, it feels like it isn't my life and my life is just waiting to begin somewhere. I feel totally dead inside. If I think she has said or done something that has hurt me in one way or another, she always (and I know you shouldn't use that word really, but in this situation it's very nearly true and "sometimes" doesn't cut it) manages to explain it away or talk herself out of it so that it's me that comes off as the bad guy or that has the problem or can't understand. This happens when I explain problems at work too. I'm the one with the attitude and "I must be hard to work with and oh your poor colleagues". Seriously, I no longer know what is real or not, whether I can trust my instincts or if I need to run them by her, or others, all the time.
She can also remember events, things I've done, things I've said etc. to the letter, even if they happened years ago. It's impossible to argue with her about these things as I rarely remember them. Though, sometimes I have remembered and I've caught her over exaggerating and making things up.
She is quite scarily emotional. A month I made a, rather fair and nicely put, comment about her weight. Now, hold your horses, I never said she was fat! Quite the opposite. I merely remarked that I thought she should put a little bit more weight on, her BMI is 19, perhaps lower now. And that maybe she wouldn't be so sick, or tired, all the time if she ate properly. She often misses out breakfasts and lunches, and eats a big bowl of popcorn in the evening when her soaps are on. She got really upset about it. I just don't understand. Others have remarked to me how thin she is, to the point where one said she looked sickly. I cannot win with this woman! I didn't tell her that, but it was this, and my own observations, that prompted me to say something. We even had an argument because I eat too much. I'm a 211lb+ 2 meter tall male who trains strength and martial arts 5 days a week and works 5 days a week if I can.
On emotions, she always manages to cry at the best moments to add weight to what she's saying, especially when it comes to things I've done and how "terrible" I've been the last years.
Sex? What's that, I think I've forgotten and I don't enjoy having sex with her when we do anyway. Though, I do have a very high sex drive and could masturbate every day. I need a physical relationship,I just don't want it with her, there is nothing..NOTHING between us. Most days I feel like I'd have sex with the first woman who offered it to me. I'm terrible, I know, for thinking these things
Sex is dull and not exciting for me with her. I have never had sex with anyone else and she was my first, so perhaps that's just the way sex is, though I seriously doubt that. I have no feelings of passion towards her, I love her as a person and that thread is starting to get very thin.
I'm really confused and eel like I'm really going totally crazy living in this relationship and no one, no matter how hard I try, seems to understand me. Though, then again, I don't know if what I'm feeling or experiencing is real anyway because it feels like I'm so often wrong, according to my experiences like I mentioned about with not knowing what is real or not It feels like I have just lost all lust and enjoyment of life. Though my son brings a smile to my face, I love him so dearly it hurts me the most to think that I would move away from him and that's the breaker for me. It always comes back to him when I think about it. Also, her family take her side, naturally, though they seem to want to support me during this hard time and talk to me. But, I don't want to talk to them, they are the last people I want to talk to. We live in her country, I moved from mine to be with her and so I am without a close network of family and friends who know me. So, I can't even live at my parents until I get set up again or back on track. I have no one to talk to, except our marriage councillor and, I think, I've finally managed to get someone on my side who sees more than the nice and lovely side of my wife, as she is that with others. I'm at my wits end and have caught myself thinking about suicide on more than one occasion. Though, I don't think I'd ever do it because I reallu believe that there is fun to be had somewhere and a better life. I would just miss my son terribly much..that suicide seems the better alternative I guess. I have started being a little reckless when out driving by myself
A bit about me. I have been diagnosed with moderate depression a year ago, but I have seen a psychologist and am "healthy" (see above suicide note) again. Though, my wife has used this, and other things, recently and the last years against me. Saying, I think you're depressed again, it's because you where depressed and have been your whole life etc. etc. etc. Strange thing is, I feel relatively fine when she's not around. When she's there I'm anxious, irritable and feel I have to move around her on tiptoes to avoid breaking egg shell if you know what I mean.
I know this all sounds desperate, but I really have no where to turn. What should I do? Am I really going crazy, or am I in really messed up relationship? Help!
Edited to add: I also have no education as such, but have many years experience of working with young children in playschools. At the moment, I have only a part time job, though I get extra temp. work from time to time. If I moved out, it would be to shoddy conditions. I'm also tired of my work, in my mid thirties, and trying to get an education in the health system.
Where do I start? I really don't know. I need advice.
My wife and I have been having a tough time since we married. We married relatively quickly, and I believe I was in love with her when we did, and she was in love with me.
The last 5 years have been TOUGH! We argue about practically everything, even the simplest of discussions can become an argument. I'm totally fed up and I just want to give in and have been thinking the same more or less since a few months in to our marriage.
She more or less has me convinced that I am just a horrible person. Though, she has never said that so plainly. She complains and criticizes me when I do things my own way, or on my own initiative. A few examples are anything from how to stack the dishwasher correctly (read: her way) to how to change our 2 year old's nappy. What clothes he should wear? I use my initiative, but she normally ends up swapping out some of the attire I have chosen for something more "suitable". And I literally mean that she has something to say about nearly everything I do.
When it comes to arguments, she is extremely good at getting her own way and putting her ideas across, or gives in with a "you decide it's your life" then is in a mood until I apologise or put things right. Though, it feels like it isn't my life and my life is just waiting to begin somewhere. I feel totally dead inside. If I think she has said or done something that has hurt me in one way or another, she always (and I know you shouldn't use that word really, but in this situation it's very nearly true and "sometimes" doesn't cut it) manages to explain it away or talk herself out of it so that it's me that comes off as the bad guy or that has the problem or can't understand. This happens when I explain problems at work too. I'm the one with the attitude and "I must be hard to work with and oh your poor colleagues". Seriously, I no longer know what is real or not, whether I can trust my instincts or if I need to run them by her, or others, all the time.
She can also remember events, things I've done, things I've said etc. to the letter, even if they happened years ago. It's impossible to argue with her about these things as I rarely remember them. Though, sometimes I have remembered and I've caught her over exaggerating and making things up.
She is quite scarily emotional. A month I made a, rather fair and nicely put, comment about her weight. Now, hold your horses, I never said she was fat! Quite the opposite. I merely remarked that I thought she should put a little bit more weight on, her BMI is 19, perhaps lower now. And that maybe she wouldn't be so sick, or tired, all the time if she ate properly. She often misses out breakfasts and lunches, and eats a big bowl of popcorn in the evening when her soaps are on. She got really upset about it. I just don't understand. Others have remarked to me how thin she is, to the point where one said she looked sickly. I cannot win with this woman! I didn't tell her that, but it was this, and my own observations, that prompted me to say something. We even had an argument because I eat too much. I'm a 211lb+ 2 meter tall male who trains strength and martial arts 5 days a week and works 5 days a week if I can.
On emotions, she always manages to cry at the best moments to add weight to what she's saying, especially when it comes to things I've done and how "terrible" I've been the last years.
Sex? What's that, I think I've forgotten and I don't enjoy having sex with her when we do anyway. Though, I do have a very high sex drive and could masturbate every day. I need a physical relationship,I just don't want it with her, there is nothing..NOTHING between us. Most days I feel like I'd have sex with the first woman who offered it to me. I'm terrible, I know, for thinking these things
Sex is dull and not exciting for me with her. I have never had sex with anyone else and she was my first, so perhaps that's just the way sex is, though I seriously doubt that. I have no feelings of passion towards her, I love her as a person and that thread is starting to get very thin.I'm really confused and eel like I'm really going totally crazy living in this relationship and no one, no matter how hard I try, seems to understand me. Though, then again, I don't know if what I'm feeling or experiencing is real anyway because it feels like I'm so often wrong, according to my experiences like I mentioned about with not knowing what is real or not
It feels like I have just lost all lust and enjoyment of life. Though my son brings a smile to my face, I love him so dearly it hurts me the most to think that I would move away from him and that's the breaker for me. It always comes back to him when I think about it. Also, her family take her side, naturally, though they seem to want to support me during this hard time and talk to me. But, I don't want to talk to them, they are the last people I want to talk to. We live in her country, I moved from mine to be with her and so I am without a close network of family and friends who know me. So, I can't even live at my parents until I get set up again or back on track. I have no one to talk to, except our marriage councillor and, I think, I've finally managed to get someone on my side who sees more than the nice and lovely side of my wife, as she is that with others. I'm at my wits end and have caught myself thinking about suicide on more than one occasion. Though, I don't think I'd ever do it because I reallu believe that there is fun to be had somewhere and a better life. I would just miss my son terribly much..that suicide seems the better alternative I guess. I have started being a little reckless when out driving by myself A bit about me. I have been diagnosed with moderate depression a year ago, but I have seen a psychologist and am "healthy" (see above suicide note) again. Though, my wife has used this, and other things, recently and the last years against me. Saying, I think you're depressed again, it's because you where depressed and have been your whole life etc. etc. etc. Strange thing is, I feel relatively fine when she's not around. When she's there I'm anxious, irritable and feel I have to move around her on tiptoes to avoid breaking egg shell if you know what I mean.
I know this all sounds desperate, but I really have no where to turn. What should I do? Am I really going crazy, or am I in really messed up relationship? Help!
Edited to add: I also have no education as such, but have many years experience of working with young children in playschools. At the moment, I have only a part time job, though I get extra temp. work from time to time. If I moved out, it would be to shoddy conditions. I'm also tired of my work, in my mid thirties, and trying to get an education in the health system.
