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I'm new here and not sure where to go to post.

I have been married for 5 years. My husband and I have a long distance marriage as he works and lives in another city during the week. The BIG problem seems to be his lack of communication skills and his defense anger. Whatever he does he may be incorrect it somehow is "My Fault" that he did what he did. Hubby takes zero responsiblility for his actions. This lack of communication skills translates into his not speaking to me for days on end. This is a problem as we are currently trying to sell a rental home we own and I need to contact him with info BUT he won't return my calls. Oh yea did I mention he probably drinks a bit too much also. He's in construction and his way to unwind his to kick back a 12 pak every day. I've never seen him drunk but he can get to that point where he becomes combative. I am left to take care of paying our expenses, my home, making sure he takes care of things on his side..I'm more like his mom than his wife..We are no longer a team. This communication battle is too much for me as I feel I'm in the marriage alone. I can no longer depend on him, I have things that need to be addressed this week BUT need his imput but I'm not getting it.

Any suggestions??

Lindylou
 

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The drinking is a concern, I think. Alcohol consumption of more than 5 drinks per day for a man is considered problematic when it happens regularly. Every day is a real problem. The distance certainly isn't going to help things. Is there any way you can move to where he works or he can transfer to something closer? I would think that would be a first step.
 

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I agree. Also, there are lots of bad habits he's formed that he will have to see a need to change. If he's willing, I'd suggest marriage counseling to improve your communication.
 

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Wow..this sounds like a guy a dated once before. He also worked out "on the road" in construction and his idea of relaxing involved alcohol as well. In addition there was no communication. When I did try to tell him how I felt he wasn't totally listenting so half the facts got misconstrued. Plus, we were together for over a year and I would take on some of his responsiblities to at home while he was on the road. Needless to say he wanted to do nothing to change himself it was up to me to accept him as who he was or leave. I'm hoping your husband doesn't resort to this but keep in my I think your husband has a lot of issues that he needs to take care of which the #1 being alcohol. The other challenge with that is he is going to deny it being a problem and actually get upset with you upon confronting him. I don't know if talking to him is going to work. It sounds like he needs a huge wake up call!
 

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I'm not an expert, but it seems like he has some unresolved emotional issues or he's going through early mid-life crisis. Perhaps you should suggest couples therapy and one-on-one counseling from his end for his drinking problem. I learned from previous relationships that communication is key, and the lack thereof makes it even more challenging to make it work. Best of luck to you...
 
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