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I’m 35 with 2 kids and one on the way. I’ve been married to my husband almost 10 years and thought I knew everything. What makes him who he is... thoughts feelings emotions etc. we both grew up in religious families and have an typical marriage with what I feel or felt was great intimacy.

I’m writing because I’m wondering if other married women have discovered things there husbands are “into” that you didn’t know or had to “find out”. In the past 2 months I’ve discovered my husband has an underwear obsession that if I’m honest has caught me by surprise. The internet I’ve discovered refers to it as a “panty fetish” and though this is all very new to me still I’m realizing it’s not tied to his sexuality.

With that being said, am I the only wife experiencing this or things like it. Do I tell him I know or keep seeing how deep the obsession goes? Confused I guess. Is this normal?
 

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Not a woman but fetishes work on both sides (male and females) but some research would suggest predominantly in males. Fetishes run the gambit from mild to extreme, but many people (men included) are not open about their fetishes to their spouses for fear of rejection or a fear that it might be used against them.
 

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I think it's a good thing to learn new things about your spouse! It may mean more openness or maybe feeling safe in a relationship and being able to explore new 'interests'. And, as healthy adults, we evolve and change. Healthy sexual relationships will let new ideas bloom.

A panty fetish is a pretty fun fetish! You could definitely enjoy that with him. It's one of those lovely fetishes that can be hidden in plain sight, perfect with 3 kiddos and not enough time or energy for something as elaborate as some other sexual interests.
 

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I love my husband so much and cannot imagine any fetish being a deal breaker unless it involves a 3rd party being brought into the marriage. HOWEVER...any feminine type of fetish would significantly lessen my attraction to him. It wouldn't be a deal breaker but his hotness to me would fizzle
 

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I love my husband so much and cannot imagine any fetish being a deal breaker unless it involves a 3rd party being brought into the marriage. HOWEVER...any feminine type of fetish would significantly lessen my attraction to him. It wouldn't be a deal breaker but his hotness to me would fizzle
I never saw fetishes as being feminine or masculine. What is a feminine fetish? And out of curiosity, what is a masculine fetish you think women should avoid?
 

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Usually a man having a panty fetish means he wants to wear the panties. Personally I think some men look incredible in sexy panties! However, typically men with this fetish also enjoy being feminine in their sexual energy and many want to be humiliated or punished for being feminine. Most women don't find this a turn on.

OP, if your husband is just watching porn like this, it may not be worth bringing it up. If you are having satisfying sex and he turns you on, then his side activities may not be something he actually wants to incorporate into your sex life. If it doesn't interfere with your attraction for each other then maybe just leave it alone.

On the other hand, if you are curious about it and it doesn't turn you off or make you feel less respect for him as a man, then go ahead and ask him about it, tell him what you saw and open the discussion.
 

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My husband and I are a bit of the opposite in terms of discovery. I've been with him since I was 16, and it wasn't until after I'd entered my 20s that I realized that I am part of the "brat" kink/fetish community. It took a lot of research on my part, as well as open communication and introspection, to be able to vocalize it with him. Luckily he was completely accepting and has since understood how much it is a part of who I am as a sexual person and happily helps me explore it. He has never once shamed me for it or taken advantage of it which I've deeply appreciated.

OP, out of curiosity, how did you come to discover his fetish? Are the panties obsession a thing where he enjoys wearing them, collecting, or smelling them, etc? The means by which you discovered it, since it sounds like he did not openly reveal it, might mean that he isn't sure how he feels about it yet or even recognizes it in himself. But I definitely agree with what others have said, if you're completely fine with this then you can very gently bring it up and see if by opening that door he feels comfortable bringing it to the foreground to discuss. Being able to share a fetish with a partner can be very sensitive but extremely liberating if you know that you can safely do so.

It might also help to keep in mind that there is a difference between a kink and a fetish. Kinks are sexual fascinations or things that add to the sexual experience for an individual whereas a fetish is when that fascination becomes a compulsion and sexual release cannot function without it. It might be good just to know to what degree this obsession actually affects him in his sexual experience.
 

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I’m 35 with 2 kids and one on the way. I’ve been married to my husband almost 10 years and thought I knew everything. What makes him who he is... thoughts feelings emotions etc. we both grew up in religious families and have an typical marriage with what I feel or felt was great intimacy.

I’m writing because I’m wondering if other married women have discovered things there husbands are “into” that you didn’t know or had to “find out”. In the past 2 months I’ve discovered my husband has an underwear obsession that if I’m honest has caught me by surprise. The internet I’ve discovered refers to it as a “panty fetish” and though this is all very new to me still I’m realizing it’s not tied to his sexuality.

With that being said, am I the only wife experiencing this or things like it. Do I tell him I know or keep seeing how deep the obsession goes? Confused I guess. Is this normal?
Without more info I am confused, also.
Oh, more confused than is usual.

Does he have a collection of panties? :|
Are they all yours?

If not, whose are they? :frown2:

Are they brand new, as in store bought? Do they still have price tags on them?

Or does he go the the second hand store, the second crotch store? :surprise:

Just Sayin!





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I separate fetishes and kinks. Fetishes are something people need for sexual arousal, kinks are things that arouse, them but they can enjoy sex without.

Fetishes can be a real problem in a relationship if they are not shared. Kinks I think are different. If a kink is "harmless" - eg it doesn't hurt anyone, or isn't disgusting or distressing to the other party, then I think its fine to indulge - occasionally. I think its only a problem if the kink starts to dominate the sexual relationship, or causes sex on average to be unbalanced between the parties.
 

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What’s the actual fetish: smelling or wearing them? I can understand the former but the latter indicates that he might be confused about his gender surely? Isn’t that something for a wife to worry about or am I not being pc? (I can’t tell).

Also how can you wear them; I mean where do you ‘fold’ your member into without ripping the panties apart with the ‘sword’ of an erection?
I will have to experiment tonight to find out how this works...
Thoroughly confused by this.


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HOWEVER...any feminine type of fetish would significantly lessen my attraction to him. It wouldn't be a deal breaker but his hotness to me would fizzle
I never saw fetishes as being feminine or masculine. What is a feminine fetish? And out of curiosity, what is a masculine fetish you think women should avoid?
Well I am not thefam - but I can answer from my point of view. For ME, a "feminine" fetish would be maybe cross dressing, or taking on other sorts of feminine qualities. I am not attracted to women at all, and prefer my men to be unwaveringly masculine - so I am kinda with her on this. If my guy had a fetish where he lets say, wanted to wear panties, it would be a turn off for ME. That said, I know women TOTALLY into this - I know women who really get off on making their men wear panties.

Different strokes for different folks.

A masculine fetish that women should avoid? I don't know that there are any universals. Personally I wouldn't want to be involved with a sadist, or someone who enjoys humiliation.


I separate fetishes and kinks. Fetishes are something people need for sexual arousal, kinks are things that arouse, them but they can enjoy sex without.
From the various college courses I completed on sex and sexuality I agree with this.

What’s the actual fetish: smelling or wearing them? I can understand the former but the latter indicates that he might be confused about his gender surely?
Nope! Cross dressing, especially pantie fetishes is totally separate from gender identity, and does not mean in anyway that someone is confused about their gender nor sexuality.

I like wearing jeans - but it doesn't mean I want to be a dude.
 

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You wear men's jeans? :scratchhead:
Clothes do not define your gender.. I know that may be confusing to you, but I think its less confusing for many women, as so much of what is worn by women today - COULDN'T be worn by women not too many years ago.

Women used to not be allowed to wear trousers to school or work. Many women wanted to wear them, but were not allowed. Did their desire to wear pants instead of skirts mean that they were gender confused and wanted to be men? Most certainly not.

And yes, I have owned a vintage pair of mens jeans, and I remember a time when I was young it was hard for me to find clothes I liked in the "girls" section. I am an active, outdoorsy type, and I wanted nothing to do with all the skirts, and pink etc that was in my "proper" section, so yes, I have worn mens clothes, doesn't mean I desired a sex change.

As for who's fetish is it - did you know that some couples share the same fetishes? I know personally I wouldn't want to impose my kink on someone who didn't share it.
 

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Clothes do not define your gender.. I know that may be confusing to you, but I think its less confusing for many women, as so much of what is worn by women today - COULDN'T be worn by women not too many years ago.

Women used to not be allowed to wear trousers to school or work. Many women wanted to wear them, but were not allowed. Did their desire to wear pants instead of skirts mean that they were gender confused and wanted to be men? Most certainly not.

And yes, I have owned a vintage pair of mens jeans, and I remember a time when I was young it was hard for me to find clothes I liked in the "girls" section. I am an active, outdoorsy type, and I wanted nothing to do with all the skirts, and pink etc that was in my "proper" section, so yes, I have worn mens clothes, doesn't mean I desired a sex change.

As for who's fetish is it - did you know that some couples share the same fetishes? I know personally I wouldn't want to impose my kink on someone who didn't share it.
I think we might be talking about different things...You are talking about practicality: I can very well believe that some of those clothes originally designed for men or unisex were more comfortable to wear than skirts etc. You didn't wear them to pretend to be a man though.
I can't picture a man finding it very practical to wear a woman's panty and am trying to understand what other reason he would want to wear it other than to pretend to be a woman?? (It's a genuine question).

Re fetishes: of course I know both couples share the same fetishes. We share plenty of fetishes together but not all. But the fetish you were describing:

"I know women who really get off on making their men wear panties."

didn't especially sound like a shared fetish (unless the husband likes to be made to wear panties, which I don't think the OP's husband does, since she discovered him like this and didn't make him do it).
 

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For one couple I know, it is definitely a shared fetish, he likes to be subordinate to her, and she likes to Dom, and the panties play into this.

There are a lot of different panties fetishes out there, but most have nothing to do with gender confusion.

For instance some men really like masturbating with women's silky panties, and sometimes this takes the next step to wearing them. The psychologies are often complicated, but it can be the erotic excitement of taboo, that he "shouldn't" wear them. It can be the feeling of snug silkiness that is a turn on and reminder of the naughty thing he is doing.

Many different reasons for different people, and I suppose occasionally it can be a gender identity thing, but I would say that is a much less common source.

You would be surprised how many very masculine, powerful, think CEO type men who are into..... Very different things behind closed doors.

Sometimes it's the simple fact that it is so different than what they are supposed to do.... That makes it so alluring.
 

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For one couple I know, it is definitely a shared fetish, he likes to be subordinate to her, and she likes to Dom, and the panties play into this.

There are a lot of different panties fetishes out there, but most have nothing to do with gender confusion.

For instance some men really like masturbating with women's silky panties, and sometimes this takes the next step to wearing them. The psychologies are often complicated, but it can be the erotic excitement of taboo, that he "shouldn't" wear them. It can be the feeling of snug silkiness that is a turn on and reminder of the naughty thing he is doing.

Many different reasons for different people, and I suppose occasionally it can be a gender identity thing, but I would say that is a much less common source.

You would be surprised how many very masculine, powerful, think CEO type men who are into..... Very different things behind closed doors.

Sometimes it's the simple fact that it is so different than what they are supposed to do.... That makes it so alluring.

I guess I am trying to understand why those men feel they are 'not supposed' to wear them. I mean one can wear anything, pretty much anywhere (especially panties).
One is not supposed to wear baby grows or diapers either yet you don't hear very often that men have a fetish on that variation...

I find it difficult not to associate this particular fetish (wearing women's panties) with some type of gender confusion but you seem to know about it more than I do.
 

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Really? You can wear anything anywhere? You could walk down the street wearing just a sports bra on top, and no one would judge you?

We are constrained by social norms to step in line - men wear men's clothes, women wear women's clothes.

There is nothing about these articles or clothing that makes us biologically drawn to wear one of the other, it's all social conditioning.

And yes, most men have been conditioned to believe women's panties are wrong, dirty, naughty etc for a man to wear. If it was socially acceptable, you wouldn't be questioning why a man would want to do this.

Diapers and baby stuff is a whole different fetish world, and it very much exists.... But in the shadows because it is taboo.

Most of this stuff is taboo.... And it can be quite surprising how completely "normal" and insetp with social expectations most of the fetsih community is when out in the sunlight so to speak.

As for me, yes I have a degree in sociology, I have studied sexuality in a scientific manner, and causally as an observer facinated by the variences of the human condition.
 

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Really? You can wear anything anywhere? You could walk down the street wearing just a sports bra on top, and no one would judge you?

Not where I live
My point was that people wear all kind of crazy **** and don’t care if others judge them or not. Maybe they wear it precisely because they WANT to be judged. But wearing panties, no one would even notice because presumably, they would be wearing trousers on top.

I still think whether clothes are for men or for women has more to do whether it’s practical to wear something for a man or for a woman.
Wearing a panty for a man is...painful.
I tried tonight. I think I ripped it and my wife is pissed

And a man wanting to wear a woman’s clothes would imply to my common sense that he would rather be a woman. Like kids dressing up as spider man or batman would imply that they like to pretend being super heroes.



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