been reading this site Why Men are not eager to get Married Today
and one of the comments just makes me depressed
The following is a true story and a possible
outcome for those young men who father children in a Western Nation. Rather
than “don’t marry,” the author is advocating “don’t marry, and don’t father.” Those
who do are one female whim away from emotional ruin and slavery. I found this on another website.
The man who wrote the article is now in his
mid forties. If you want to offer some solutions or help to him, please do so.
A life not worth
It has been
seven years since my wife move 500 miles away with my almost three year old son
one day when I was at work; and my 500 mile trips to try to reconcile our
family eventually proved futile.
Our marriage lasted almost ten years. We waited seven years
to have our first child. Our son was completely planned, welcomed and cherished.
I was a doting and loving father and I spent every day and weekend with my son.
After the divorce, the courts allowed me to see my son three
weekends per month from 10:00 AM to 6:00 PM. That is only 6.66% of the total
time available in the month. I was allowed one phone call per week. The courts
allowed his mother to keep him 500 miles away; I had to travel 500 miles to see
him. I was ordered to pay his mother $1500 per month. No consideration was
taken for my travel expenses.
Most importantly, no consideration was given for
my son’s rights to have his father in his life the same amount of time as
before. Not three weekends per month only in the daytime, but every day and
night and weekend. I was a very affectionate, loving and responsible father and
absolutely doted over my son. I was stripped of my fathership and made a
visitor in his life. He was stripped of his father.
Within two months my son behaved like a stranger to me.
Within four months he was actively hostile towards me. After traveling 500
miles to see him, his mother would not show up with him. His mother was
alienating him from me.
Within seven months I lost my job. After being a victim of a
terrible wife and a corrupt court system, I realized the situation was
hopeless; I walked away.
Even though she destroyed most of the relationship between
my son and I, I am the one being blamed for abandonment.
I thought I could begin a new life; but seven years later
the pain remains. My pain over missing my son; the pain over how my son must feel;
the pain over the disadvantages that my son has. Pain over a career that has
been trashed. Pain over huge child support debts that can never be repaid. Pain
over a life where I will never be able to have any sort of financial security
or retirement. Pain over the fact that I will never know my grandchildren. Pain
over excruciating loneliness.
The worst times are weekends and holidays. Weekends and
holidays were mine and my son’s best times together. When I see fathers with
sons I feel an overwhelming sadness: a sadness of what has been lost; what is
not; and what could have been.
Also I am permanently changed. No amount of therapy,
psychotropic drugs, or a new woman and child can remove the hollowness inside
me. I notice the effect when I am around people. I used to be happy and
fulfilled; now I am empty and depressed, and people notice it and they don’t
want to be around me. It is impossible for me to smile and I get no pleasure
from anything; not even eating. I have no present and no future.
Am I a loser?
I was an example of someone who raised themselves from
nothing to something though hard work. I put myself through college; earned a
scholarship, and worked many crappy jobs before I finally landed a good one.
Through thrift, I managed to save a tidy nest egg. I never had any problems
with the law. But because my wife became unhappily married, I have been
criminalized, even though I tried to keep the marriage together.
Now I don’t have a car, I don’t have a drivers license, I
don’t have a girl friend, and I live in a small and ****ty room. I earn a fifth
of what I earned before. I have a very difficult time holding a job because of
I am a Christian; so I am afraid of committing suicide.
Nevertheless, I often research suicide to see if there is some justification
for it; some way to do it, without going to hell. I want out of my life; I
would not want to wish my life on my worst enemy. It is a life that is not
I pray every day for some guidance and purpose of what I am
supposed to do; I don’t get any answers.
Where did I go wrong? Was it the wrong choice of a woman?
My wife was very religious and a virgin when we
met. She never smoked a cigarette or drank alcohol in her life. She was the
most family-oriented person I had ever met. I would never have thought she
would have chosen divorce. And if she chose divorce, I would have thought she
would have wanted a father in her son’s life. But she changed. Why did she
change? I don’t know but I think because of cultural influences.
Why do I write this? For pity?
No. I write this to give young men an idea of what they are
facing when they father children in the USA or any other country that imitates
the American court system. When the divorce happens, and it is more likely to
happen then not, you will be destroyed emotionally and financially. Your
children will suffer. The more responsible, the more loving, the more
family-oriented you are, the more you will be destroyed.
Marriage and family is sacred and the greatest gift a man
can have. Unfortunately, in the USA, marriage and family have been perverted
For young men, the worst thing you could do is to have
children in the USA. For parents of boys, the worst thing you could do is to
pressure your sons into having children in the USA. Don’t think it cannot
happen to you or your sons.
Is there a solution? Yes.
Emigration. Make your
money in the states and emigrate out when you are financially able. Then marry
and have children in a family-friendly nation and a nation with fairer divorce
laws. This is a solution that won’t completely remove the risk of divorce; but
will reduce it.
As a man in the USA you have nothing to look forward to.
Only the ignorant or the masochistic would think of fathering children there.
In the USA fathers are like tightrope walkers without netting. Don’t do it.
You have been warned by someone wandering in hell who lives
a life not worth living.
Half of all American
marriages end in divorce.
initiated by the woman in 75% of all cases.
of guilt is on the man. If the woman makes any type of emotional or physical abuse
claim, the man will be removed from his home and children.
Nine out of ten times the children are given to the woman,
no matter how good the man is.
If you fall behind in child support $2500, your passport is
If you fall behind in child support $2500, you drivers
license is revoked.
If you are behind on child support payments, you can go to
If you have a history of falling behind on payments, you can
be placed in prison.
Because you are in jail does not mean child support payments
stop; on the contrary, child support payments continue and arrears continue to
In many states, interest is added to arrears at the rate of
10 percent per year.
There is no statute of limitations for child support payments.
If you lose your job and get a lesser paying job, the child
support agencies will do their best to try to keep the payments the same.
Non-custodial parents (men) are around three times as likely
to commit suicide then the rest of the male population, and in the USA the general
male population is around five times more likely to commit suicide then females.
Men are not entitled to a lawyer in a failure to pay child
support court hearing.
On any given day, 50,000 men are in jail or prison for child
Employers frown on wage garnishment; it is more work for
them and they are less likely to hire a divorced man and more likely to exploit
one because they know he is desperate.
As your children are stripped away from you and the
relationship severed, you will be accused of abandoning your children.
matching funds from the federal government for every support order they issue;
therefore there is a built-in economic incentive against family reconciliation
and against shared custody and an economic incentive for divorce and sole
If you have arrears, a child support lien will be placed on
your credit report which comes up on background checks rendering you much less
Any type of depression or despondency is used against the
man to further remove him from his children, causing yet more depression and despondency.
Ever wonder why there are so many homeless men? Do your own
street interviews. Ask random homeless men if they ever went through a divorce
or the child support system.
A man with children in the USA is like a tightrope walker
without netting: the risk-reward profile is life or death.
sentenced to 20 years in prison for failure to pay child support.
link:GlennSacks.com » Blog Archive
this is like a nightmare no wonder people has becoming resentful of marriage since it can use it for screwing each other spouse (men were screwed mostly) mentally, physically and financially. No one should deserve a divorce like this (even though i advocate divorce if its abusive, out of love, etc)
p.s i m not sure am i posting this in the right section if so please move it to the right place