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Sorry you are here.

I think she slept with him, but does not want to tell her friends because they may not keep it a secret. It just does not make sense that she hasn't and remember everything that comes out of her mouth is a lie.

File for D now, do not waste your time contacting OM, unless it is to call him to ask what time would be good to drop off your W's belongings bc she is moving in with him. I would even offer to help her pack her stuff. She won't expect that but if they are so in love, they should be together.

File D and no more communication. She thinks she can handle things by herself, then let her, starting with supporting herself and her daughter. I know you are devastated but she will not expect you to take the hard line, so do it and do not threaten her with D, just file and serve (the surprise of D papers will effect her much more).

Good luck.
 
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It's odd, to me, to know for a fact that sometimes people (it's been women in my life experience) can transfer affection to someone else when they are still in love with the "original" (whether an ex or a crush or whatever). That's what it sounds like may have happened in your case. She took you on to keep him from getting under her skin, but since they have a kid (I surmise), he's always going to be around.

Digressing now.... I'm lucky in that respect as my beautiful wife's ex never had interest in their daughter. Doesn't sound like it makes the daughter lucky but then again, you've never met the dude....
 

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I called the OM last night and I wanted war!
Stop calling him. He could care less about your right to your wife. Right or wrong, from the OM's point of view, his daughter and the mother of his daughter are the real family, and you are nothing more than the interloper that prevented his wife from coming back to him. If he is Catholic, then he does not even believe in divorce, thus your marriage was invalid as she was and still is his wife; viewed in this light, her relationship with you is the immoral one, while his relationship with your wife is nothing more than him taking back what was his under God. BTW this is exactly the point of view that he is trying to get her to buy into. I am not saying that this is right. I am just saying that you are wasting your time talking to him.
 

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I have to think that your old lady doesn't have the submission required to help you heal and make this marriage work.

So you going to have to heal on your own, so with that said why do you need her around?

its been my experience here at TAM that it goes 2 way in confronting, 1) Wayward gets pissed off and walks, only to come back the next day for forgiveness now that they see what they are about to lose 2) Wayward gets scared and asks for forgiveness and is a shamed of the morality and then the next day realizes that they will not submit to this crap and regrets apoligiling in the 1st place.

Since the later is your deal, you can have with the up most confidence that she has stepped out and there is no need for you to sit on the fence with this matter....cuz this matter (the marrriage) is over.

See the mind set your STBXW has?

The analogy is this; when getting pulled over you are very nice to the cop even though your were speeding, but once you get your ticket and the cop is gone, then that said cop is the biggest POS that ever was.......even though you were in fact speeding.

So some folks drive off from getting pulled over saying to them selves " damb I cant believe I was speeding"...while other folks say " phuck that cop, how dare he write me a ticket. Even thought both types of people were very nice and apoligetic to the officer.

You got a lot of great advice from the vets here at TAM. I just wanted to add my anoligy to help clear this up for you.


Then again I may have confused you more. lol
 

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Lawyer up. Protect your finances. Document. Plan ahead. Do it quickly.
Hard 180. Dark on her. Don't ask, don't demand, don't talk.
Cut ties with so called friends.
Tell her to move in with OM. You can even help her pack. To hell with her.
Be kind, caring, loving to step daughter.
Were it me in this specific situation, I'd load her in the car, drive her to the OM's place and leave her there. Let her be his problem.
 

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Hey Weird-----you call your wife out, and you tell her---since her attitude is that she thinks, little or nothing of you, and she doesn't wanna be in this mge---that D IS ON THE TABLE RIGHT NOW

Tell her you will go to an atty, and get the D process started----and do so---if you don't wanna spend the money----and wanna find out her reaction---then google your state's legal forms, print out the Divorce/Custody/Property settlement packets---and leave them where she can see them

Also tell her that as of today---she is responsible for paying half of all marital bills, including mtg., all insurances, car payments, utilities, and all other necessities that belong to the mge

Go to the bank, and put all marital money, in an acct. with only your name on it---and cancel any and all CC's she has in her name, or jointly with you

Lets see how she handles a bit of reality-------it is time for you to give her a taste of what life will be like if she is single and on her own---lets see if her lover wants to take care of her and all her needs----again DO NOT BE NICE ABOUT THIS---SHE NEEDS A TOUCH OF REALITY---also tell her since she doesn't wanna be with you, and thinks so little of you---she can pack all her belongings and go be with her lover-----once you say and do the above------you go dark on your wife---do not argue, nor discuss anything with her----let her think/know---this is the way it will be, she doesn't want you---fine then tell her she can just move on without you, as you will do without her
 

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Discussion Starter · #29 ·
TRy: I definitely wont call that POS anymore
the guy: I see her mindset and you didn't confuse me. Makes total sense. I continued to record her yesterday and I check the recorder last night. She tells him about all our issues, even after I called this POS the other day! She asks him to come save her!.....and asks him for advice about our marriage. This Shlt is almost comical!
Machiavelli: I am 33 years old. Yeah, I'm sure my game is off. We are over.
jnjexpress: She actually agreed to pay half the bills. I give her the cold shoulder. I'm currently applying the 180. I'm not mad anymore, I just feel the size of an ant.
 

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You will get better Continue with your plan for D. Find comfort knowing that you have a chance to rebuild your life without her and OM in your life. You cannot be happy in a marriage playing second fiddle to your spouse's love interest.


Wd
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TRy: I definitely wont call that POS anymore
the guy: I see her mindset and you didn't confuse me. Makes total sense. I continued to record her yesterday and I check the recorder last night. She tells him about all our issues, even after I called this POS the other day! She asks him to come save her!.....and asks him for advice about our marriage. This Shlt is almost comical!
Machiavelli: I am 33 years old. Yeah, I'm sure my game is off. We are over.
jnjexpress: She actually agreed to pay half the bills. I give her the cold shoulder. I'm currently applying the 180. I'm not mad anymore, I just feel the size of an ant.
I'm glad you've decided to move on. You should have no trouble attracting younger, hotter women without her quantity of baggage if you get your game up. Start getting into serious bodybuilding. You're looking for the Golden Ratio, which is triggers the female limbic sexual response. Keep the Sixteen Commandments. Check your attractiveness level (dating market value. Have fun and good luck.
 

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Discussion Starter · #33 ·
WD: Thanks.
Natural Heart: According to her, he use to physically abuse her and he was a serial cheater.
Machiavelli: Yeah, I'm moving on. It IS some beautiful honest women out there.. I've always been into working out. My max bench is 300. Thanks for the advice.
Again, thanks guys for being there for me in this time of need. This forum is awesome!
 

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Hi Weird. Sorry this happened.

What did the OM say to you? Question: were they totally done when you guys started dating? Was she married to/involved with him previously or he just was a fling who knocked her up?

Nonetheless: don't beg her to stay with you. When she turns it around saying there were issues before (and there probably were, every relationship has issues) just tell her: "That may be true HOWEVER you are still wrong for cheating. That is on you. And I will not tolerate a marriage with someone who is having an affair. I deserve better. "

End point. Decide what you want to do. If it's to stay, then she must cut ex off. If not, then move on. The hardest part about your situation is that if you reconcile, you will still have to deal with him forever since he's the father of her daughter. It's not like a normal situation where the OM is a stranger or something. He is always going to be a part of your lives as long as you are with her.

DO NOT GROVEL. DO NOT BEG. Just let her know where you stand. She is either on board or isn't. Her choice. But you have one too.



 
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