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All her friends (who I liked) knew about this affair. I know she hasen't had sex with him because she told her friends that she's not having sex with anyone random but, if she decided that, it would be with him.
Just because she has not told her friends that she is having sex with him does not mean that she is telling them the truth. Although she admits to having a secret friendship with this other man (OM), admitting to having sex with him would put her in the bad light of being a cheater, so it is doubtful that she would admit this to them. The truth is since she already has had sex with him in the past, and admits to wanting to have sex with him now, it is highly likely that she has already had sex with him. While your are at work paying the bills, she picks him up in your car to spend the day with him for gosh sake.

She was surprised that after you caught her cheating that the issue was not that you were going to end the marraige, but how much it hurt you and how much you wanted to save the marraige. She lost what respect she had for you right there. Now she is in full on disrespect mode knowing that she can have you back anytime that she wants. You need to file for divorce and mean it. You can always change your mind, if she makes the effort to earn a second chance.
 

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I called the OM last night and I wanted war!
Stop calling him. He could care less about your right to your wife. Right or wrong, from the OM's point of view, his daughter and the mother of his daughter are the real family, and you are nothing more than the interloper that prevented his wife from coming back to him. If he is Catholic, then he does not even believe in divorce, thus your marriage was invalid as she was and still is his wife; viewed in this light, her relationship with you is the immoral one, while his relationship with your wife is nothing more than him taking back what was his under God. BTW this is exactly the point of view that he is trying to get her to buy into. I am not saying that this is right. I am just saying that you are wasting your time talking to him.
 
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